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After spending their first and only day over .500 in the Ron Washington Era, the Texas Rangers got swept at home by the Toronto Blue Jays over the weekend. Even more humiliating, they found a pitcher worse than Chan Ho Park. Something to do with a 32.40 ERA …
The Dallas Stars won Games 1 and 2 against the defending Stanley Cup champion Anaheim Ducks. Let’s cancel Mike Modano‘s retirement party and detour it into our long-awaited victory parade …
In the game after his Dallas Mavericks clinched a playoff spot, coach Avery Johnson inexplicably played Dirk Nowitzki and his gimpy ankle 40 minutes. In last night’s loss in Seattle, the giant German logged another 34. Both losses. WTF? This apparently exacerbated Dirk’s nervous tic, as he set a personal record with 114 tugs at the left side of his jersey up around the NBA logo. Look for it. You’ll never watch a Mavs game the same again.
Some dude from South Africa spanked Tiger Woods and everybody else, de-fanging The Masters into the world’s most lush library. In related news, “meet me at The Pavilion” in T-minus 10 days. –Richie Whitt
