Your WTF Advertising Moment Of The Day, From The Cast Of Dallas.

There are so many things going on in this terrible (pronounced: “tur-bul”) ad for Dallas that I don’t even know where to start. Since I’m wading aimlessly in frustration, let’s begin with the tagline.

“…And No, You’re Not Dreaming.” No shit. When I’m dreaming awesome stuff happens, like last night when I crashed a defensive driving class in the back of a Hot Topic because I heard it had an open bar and was serving tapas. Those are my dreams, Dallas. Jealous, much?

Airbrushing! It works in the shower!
Let’s further plasticize this cast, shrink them down to lilliputian size (really, whose shower head is the height of an NBA basketball hoop?) and weirdly cut and paste them into a shower. I’ve seen junior high zines that looked more to-scale.

What gym is this?
I’m just asking so that I never, ever accept a free trial membership. I expect to get a little foot fungus from a gym shower, sure. What I cannot handle is trying to de-ripen while the entire cast of Dallas gets all polyamorous in the stall next door. There isn’t a topical ointment on the market for resolving that.

Accessories in the Shower
I know! You’re all wealthy and eccentric and wear hats and diamonds while sloughing the dead skin cells off of your thighs! Isn’t being rich a hoot?! Yee-haw!

What Am I Supposed To Take From This Ad?
This is like a visual coke bender meets a Choose Your Own Adventure. It’s like something a creepy fan would make and mail to the cast before the restraining order officially takes effect. It’s like they scooped Mad Magazine. A-a–a-nd, my brain just exploded.

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