For Amber Waves of Corn Dogs

Corn dogs are so inherently American that whenever someone says something is “as American as apple pie,” I mentally substitute the pie with “corn dogs.” It has been a long time since baking from scratch a pastry with fresh fruit was a significant part of the American cultural landscape. A deep-fried tube full of nitrates and meat byproducts encased with a sweetened bread made from a nutrition-free, government-subsidized crop? That’s the ‘Murica I know. And is there any sport more wasteful, disgusting, unhealthy and therefore American than competitive eating? That’s why the most patriotic thing you can do this Independence Day is to cheer on the eaters at the Third Annual Brass Knuckle Corndog Beatdown. Better yet, enter–if you think you can beat me. I won the first competition in 2009 with 16 dogs and came in second in 2010 with 18. I’ll be competing again this time, and take it from me: The only thing that feels worse than a stomach full of State Fair-brand corn dogs is defeat. First prize is a $100 bar tab, second is a $50 tab and third is $25 in quarters. The longest 15 minutes of the competitors’ lives begins at 7 p.m. Monday at the Libertine Bar, 2101 Greenville Ave. Sign up at the bar or by calling 214-824-7900.

Mon., July 4, 7 p.m., 2011