Hard Times: Texas Among the Top 10 States Struggling To Get Erections

When they say "everything is bigger in Texas," they aren't talking about erections, apparently.

According to a study by the research company Innerbody, Texas ranks 10th in U.S. states where men are struggling the most to get a hard-on.

The study, which analyzed the geographic monthly searches of men experiencing erectile dysfunction (ED), also found that places like D.C. and North Dakota struggle the least with their wood. Which, yeah, what else is there to do in North Dakota, exactly?

And forgive us, but “it’s a Texas thing, you wouldn’t get it,” isn’t exactly an explanation we're willing to embrace for a flaccid phallus.

Myriad factors, including hormone imbalances, medication side effects and mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, can cause ED. And while you might be surprised that guys around here are having trouble keeping it at full mast, you likely don’t need us to tell you Texas is soft on readily available mental health resources.

Innerbody says nearly a third of all men have trouble throwing the rock, though, so while it’s not a rare condition, it can be hard (pun maybe slightly intended) to manage.

Interestingly, nearly all the states occupying the top 10 limpest slots are in the South. Experts suggest this might be due to the region’s excessive heat, often leading to dehydration and fatigue. And listen, it gets hellishly hot here — god forbid a guy spend the molten months of July and August taking up a hobby other than conducting even more heat with his crotch.

To make matters worse, Texas men, clearly in need of some penile practice, have to be more creative in the absence of adult sites like Pornhub in our state. And because the Texas Legislature seems obsessed with our sex lives, if you're looking for a sex toy to get the job done, that might prove more difficult, too.

However, Texas stands out among the study’s findings for a surprising reason. According to Innerbody, Texas is among the states with the lowest percentage of people 65 and older, countering the misconception that ED only affects older men.

The good news is that while there’s no “cure,” modern medicine can help, thanks to treatments like BlueChew and penis pumps.

If you’ve regretfully subjected yourself to the men’s pool of the dating scene in Dallas lately, though, maybe this is your sign of divine intervention.