The news of Target opening a store in Oak Cliff, which broke last week via the retail giant’s website, has spurred mixed reactions. On one hand, some are happy to have access to the upscale-ish grocery store, while others argue that the addition of a super retailer will further gentrify the neighborhood. Target is, no question, the Walmart of the upper classes, and that leaves us with mixed feelings.
The 111,000-square-foot store
is set to open in two years in Wynnewood Village, at Zang Boulevard and Illinois Avenue. As Target superfans know, it is the
shopping destination for scatterbrains who go to the store to buy papaya only to come home with camping gear and lavender bath salts. You don't even have a bathtub, girl.
We’ve created a nifty list of things that we, the Target-loving Oak Cliff residents and frequenters, hope to find at the new local Target.
Many Target stores have opted to pull CDs (who remembers?) from their shelves, in favor of vinyl records, but why stop there? Let’s bring back cassette tapes and VHS movies. It's not like Oak Cliff doesn't have record shops, but when we're doing most of our Christmas shopping last-minute at Target — let's be honest — we want to be able to find something for our favorite Bishop Arts hipster.
You gotta have something cute in which to mail your rent checks (as well as notes telling your rent-raising landlord to fuck off).
If you want your facial hair to stay smooth and soft, or want to maintain your lumberjack aesthetic, you gotta get the beard buttah.
While we’re not sure which supplement will be all the rage on TikTok by the time this Target opens, we anxious folk gotta have our ashwagandha gummies to keep our cortisol levels low. Especially since Texas is in talks to ban delta-8
Ring lights and fish-eye lenses for phone cameras
These little iPhone accessories are ideal for shooting the inevitable Target haul TikToks that will be filmed in this location. (Assuming Target hauls and TikTok are still a thing when this store finally opens.)
Gluten-free beer and IPAs
Bishop Arts dudebros gotta have their unique, independently brewed beers, purchased from one of the country’s largest retailers.
Do you even culture if you don’t own a typewriter? The preferred writing tool of beat writers and serial killers should outsell iPads at Target. We even drafted out this list via classic movable type.
Forget the lunch slices and the cold cuts. A little further north, in Bishop Arts, it’s all about cured meats. These are ideal for pairing with cheeses and $5 wine for your next charcuterie party.
These are practical purchases for longtime Oak Cliff residents, who wish to ward off the evil spirits of corporate greed within the neighborhood.
Contrary to popular belief, decorative rocks have a variety of uses. Beyond decorating your new home space, and elevating your garden, you can throw them at billionaire developers trying to push out local businesses. Target shoppers love irony.