Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Allergies are total assholes. They’re bigger assholes…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Remember when Big Tex’s on-fire face was…
Have you been complaining that Girl Scout cookies aren’t available year-round? Have you hidden boxes from yourself in secret cabinets, cut cookies in half to save more for later and frozen Thin Mints and Samoas just to stretch out your supply until “next Girl Scout Christmas?” Well, those jackass elves…
The Top Chef: Seattle season finale was really good last night. Kristen and Brooke competed for the Top Chef title in front of a live audience and had to serve up dishes for the whole audience of 160 people, plus past winners of Top Chef, plus the judges. They were…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. The Farmers Market is going to be…
M&M’s are small chocolates with candy shells. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. And they’re not fucking supposed to taste like carrot cake. Or candy corn. JUST BE M&M’s, M&M’s. It’s not that hard…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Dearest The Klyde Warren, It’s my hope…
On the Season Finale of Top Chef: Seattle, they told us that the season finale would be a two-part season finale. I swear, this season won’t die, you guys. At least the photographers at Bravo keep getting “I’m farting” pictures of Tom Colicchio. Everyone likes those. Enjoy…
This week on Top Chef: Seattle, Josh Valentine used Canadian bacon instead of real bacon in the QuickFire, and then zero bacon in the Elimination Challenge. So they sent him home. (If that’s a spoiler for you and you’re mad because you hadn’t watched the episode yet, here’s a reality…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on the same day of every week, making it a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Whoa, Valley View Mall. What happened? When I was a…
I heard a rumor that they were closing. Instantly, all the best pizza parties of my youth flashed before my eyes and I said, “Bullshit.” It was bad enough when the Crystal’s Pizza across the street from Jesuit closed, but the one in Irving was supposed to exist forever. Forever…
Dallas chefs and restaurant owners looooove crossing their arms in photos. We should make it stop. It’s the most important change that needs to happen in our restaurant scene. Seriously. Evidence:…
The best thing about the Top Chef chefs being in Alaska is that Josh Valentine gets to wear even more hats! He wore three hats in this episode. You think that’s uninteresting, and that nobody gives any of their shits about what he’s wearing? I completely agree. And it’s still…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on the same day of every week, making it a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Oh awesome! You’re single on Valentine’s Day?! You are about…
On last night’s Top Chef, the contestants were on a cruise ship headed to Alaska. The QuickFire was two hours long, and they had to feed 200 people innovative dishes using iceberg lettuce. Valentine made a tiny wedge salad. Pretty much everyone incorporated bacon into their dishes. And Padmaboobz was…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on the same day of every week, making it a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Reunion Tower got new lights last year and, like someone…
Potty training a toddler isn’t fun. Trying to convince a toddler to crap into a toilet is like trying to convince a drunk person that whatever stupid shit he’s currently doing is a bad idea. Conversations with both the toddler and the drunk will end with the same result: he…
When the chefs heard that this week’s Elimination Challenge would be a fried chicken challenge, Valentine just about screamed, “AAAAhhahahahahahahahahahahaha eff all you effers, this one’s miiiiiiiine!! All mine!!” I thought that the other contestants would at least make it a little difficult for Valentine to take this challenge from…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on the same day of every week, making it a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. The Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade is now named…
Last week, when they teased this week’s episode of Top Chef: Seattle, Padma promised me that the chefs would battle it out during restaurant wars. I was really excited to see Viking Valentine with an axe, or maybe Merman Valentine busting out a trident on someone’s ass. But it didn’t…
It’s known that I love Girl Scout cookies pretty hard. But, seriously Girl Scouts? Mango Creme NutrifusionTM cookie with vitamins in it? You thought that would please the masses?…
Last night, it’s clear that some packing peanuts fell from The Up High and melted onto all of everyone’s outside stuff. DO NOT PANIC, DALLAS AND SURROUNDING BOROUGHS…
