Tesar spent all week begging for #savechefjohn votes to get him back onto Top Chef, but unfortunately he didn’t earn enough votes to make it. Probably because he turned down my terms: Bet he’s regretting that choice. He did, however, agree to twirl Valentine’s ‘stache on the reunion show, so…
If you’ve ever been to a baby shower, you’ve seen the same gifts over and over again: baby bottles, baby diapers, baby blankets, baby clothes. Sure, people who are expecting to have a baby-type person enter their lives need those things. But there’s a ton of other shit that Babies…
I was recently asked if I’d ever had a skinny margarita. “You mean, like, in a sex-type way?” No, it turns out they just mean a lower-calorie margarita. “Is that a fancy way of ordering two shots of tequila with salt and a lime?” Apparently, it’s not. Ordering drinks “skinny”…
Dammit, Dallas! Tesar went home this week on Top Chef. They even gave him an extra chance to stay and he came home. Most big of bummers. The QuickFire was a knife-skills challenge hosted by Bob Kramer, who is a “master bladesmith” and wins points for best job title ever…
Welcome to another episode of Top Chef: Seattle, during which nothing really happens that is all that interesting. Read: Tesar and Valentine don’t fight, make out or even rap battle. We’re not asking for much, you guys — just one freaking dance off, one table flip, one tense face-to-face meeting…
If you guessed that Danyele McPherson would get kicked off of Top Chef for flipping the double bird at Gail Simmons and punching Joshua Valentine in his Valentines after Hulk-smashing the entire Top Chef kitchen, you’d be almost right. The scene actually went like this: She made a dish using…
Lots of Top Chef QuickFires and elimination challenges are sponsored by brands (it’s a TV show, product placement happens), but this week was especially annoying. See also: Top Chef: Seattle Episode 5 Recap: The Ginger Curse Is Real Truvia sponsored the QuickFire, and the prize for the Elimination Challenge was…
Episode 5 starts out at Pike Place Market, and the chefs have to make breakfast for the QuickFire. And Padmaboobz’s wearing a lot of layers and pants, so you immediately know that this episode is taking the highway to meh. Things start to maybe possibly look up when Valentine and…
In The Parent Crap, Alice Laussade chronicles life as a mom in Dallas. Worried you’re screwing up your kid? Tweet questions to @thecheapbastard and she’ll confirm that, yes, you’re screwing up your kid. It’s Christmastime again, and if you have a toddler at home, that means it’s also probably Elf…
I love Christmas. It’s awesome. Baby magic-types being born, giant trees in your living room, socks full of socks brought to you by an old man stranger — what’s not to like? Welp, there’s just this one thing: the thing that sucks about Christmas is that people keep writing songs…
The opening scene of this week’s Top Chef picked up where we left off last week: Valentesar fight. Tesar was being Tesar, and Valentine goes, “There’s a thing called tact, and obviously you don’t have any.” And Tesar says, “Oh, Oklahoma has a lot of tact.” And then everyone watching…
Regular City of Ate commenter CitizenKane recently brought up the Hellman’s versus Miracle Whip debate in the comments section of one of our Thanksgiving posts. I know people have serious opinions on either side of this issue. I’m equal opportunity weird-condiment user. (Although I do believe there are proper times…
Top Chef was pretty boring this week, even though they had Dana Cowen, editor of Fud & Wine Magazine, there to judge the QuickFire. (Dana has been on the show before, and she does not — how you say — fuck around, when it comes to judgery. If your food…
Yesterday, we found this post from The Cupcake Project, which clearly shows a Thanksgiving turkey with cupcakes shoved in its hole. The cranberry cupcakes are fully cooked, then put inside the turkey while the turkey cooks. The cupcakes, “…exposed to juices from the bird developed a stuffing-like texture and tasted…
John Tesar made a classic mistake during the team-challenge QuickFire of the second episode of Top Chef: Seattle. He tried to quietly whisper to his team while Padma’s boobs had the floor. Rude. So, (obviously) Padmaboobz had understandable rage. She goes, “Can you listen up?” See also: A ‘Stache, a…
Every week, I will watch Top Chef. I will not recap the episodes scene-by scene, because that is dumb: if you wanted to watch it, you watched it already and you don’t need me to tell you that there were opening credits, chefs got sweaty, and someone yelled “fuck” at…
In The Parent Crap, Alice Laussade chronicles life as a mom in Dallas. Worried you’re screwing up your kid? Tweet questions to @thecheapbastard and she’ll confirm that, yes, you’re screwing up your kid. Choosing the perfect Halloween candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters is extremely important, if you ever want…
On this day, we lost a fried hero. This morning, Big Tex caught on fire at the State Fair of Texas. Twitter lit up with jokes about as quickly as Tex did. I guess we all grieve differently. See also: Big Tex Burned Down Today at the State Fair Alice…
In The Parent Crap, Alice Laussade chronicles life as a mom in Dallas. Worried you’re screwing up your kid? Tweet questions to @thecheapbastard and she’ll confirm that, yes, you’re screwing up your kid. Being a mom is amazing. It’s a gift. But parenting blows. You’re being a mom when you’re…
I didn’t have a band schedule at ACL, and I also don’t have the elbow strength or intimidating enough boobs to work my way through thousands of thousands of hippies and people to get to the front row of any of the concerts I saw this weekend. So, here is…
In The Parent Crap, Alice Laussade chronicles life as a mom in Dallas. Worried you’re screwing up your kid? Tweet questions to @thecheapbastard and she’ll confirm that, yes, you’re screwing up your kid. It’s a known parent fact that if you want to be the best parent ever, you’ve gotta…
Some bees in France are producing blue honey, and the bee people have traced the source of the Smurfness to a nearby biogas plant that processes waste from an M&M factory. The bees are producing blue and green honey because they’re picking up the bright-colored, sugary waste. I believe it’s…
