I traveled north of The Wall (Frisco) last weekend and noticed that there are so many breastaurants around, restaurant owners are having to get creative with their boob-food themes. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a breastaurant, let me explain: It’s food + scantily clad female employees. It’s Bennigan’s,…
Dearest Lice, Fuck you very much. Fuck you for jumping onto some kid’s head, and then onto my kid’s head. Fuck you additionally and this time more aggressively and angrily for then jumping onto my head. I will end you. I know that you were sent to earth to remind…
You’re about to go on a date in Dallas. Things haven’t been great lately, and you’re not sure if this is the end or not. Here are 10 signs that your Dallas relationship might be headed in the “it’s over” direction…
Recently, Dallas City Council decided that they didn’t want to force people older than 17 years of age to wear helmets when they’re riding bikes. Which is fine. I don’t believe that there has to be a law saying everything that’s fucking stupid is fucking stupid. If that were the…
Alice Laussade is a longtime Dallas writer and the founder of Meat Fight. I decided to go vegetarian for a month, just to see how the meatless live. After a week and a half, I can tell you that the vegetarian people of Dallas are offered a lot of cheese…
I found it in the children’s book section of Barnes & Noble. It was colorful. It had birthday balloons all over it. It was sent to my eyeballs from the devil himself. And now, I share this awful news with you: There is an Elf on the Shelf for birthdays…
Recently, Time magazine published a baby-name predictor, developed with Chris Franck, an assistant research professor in statistics at Virginia Tech. Using a model that seems to be at the very least more accurate at generating results than The Dallas Morning News’ Best Neighborhood Survey, Franck reports that Noah has unseated…
I’ve decided to go vegetarian for a month. Which wouldn’t really be that big of a deal, except that I love meat so hard. I love meat so much, I helped create a barbecue competition called Meat Fight. What drove me to this meatless idea? The taste of Matt McCallister’s…
In our film section this week, we take a look at some of the coming summer movies that will offer us a chance to cool off in the dark for a bit. In that vein, Mixmaster asked Alice to offer a mom’s take on the joy of summer family films…
Last night, FT33 hosted a guest chef dinner featuring Jason Dady, owner of the Jason Dady restaurant group in San Antonio, James Beard Award semi-finalist and general badass. The dinner was an 8-course, collaborative meal, “inspired by the season.” Headed into the dinner, I was excited about the possibility of…
Congratulations. You’ve been married for more than one year! That means you get to start celebrating your success at staying married or failure at divorcing once a year every year! The Internet says that there are traditional anniversary gifts for each year of marriage. But the traditional list of anniversary…
Clear Channel has had this outdoor board up for a while. (Walter Cronkite voice) “Business is done here. Clear Channel. Dallas Skyline with a filter from 1980.” Maybe years. And every time I see it, I think, “Really, Clear Channel? This is what you went with?” This is what your…
All week at City of Ate, we celebrate the magic of the taco. Check back for more interviews, essays and maybe a list or two. Or maybe four? There are many great taquerias in Dallas. There are also many taco poseurs. Weeding out the bad places from the good ones…
Sir Mix-A-Lot McKinney Avenue Tavern, Dallas Monday, May 5, 2014 This isn’t your normal concert crowd. Everyone’s here at McKinney Avenue Tavern for the same thing: the old-school shit. Nay, the old-school booty shit: They want to hear Sir Mix-a-Lot sing about butts that are big. Immediately. It’s Cinco-de-Goddamn-Mayo, after…
Confession: I have not only attended Scarborough Fair, but I have shown up in costume. Multiple times. Sober. Not on a dare. During college. With a choir group, and we totally sang period-appropriate tunes without being asked to and without being paid for it. Because we were nerd rebels. I…
Yesterday on Twitter, the Texas Rangers Twitter account tweeted something awful. Something unbelievable. Something that’s just not true. When asked by a fan, “What state makes the best BBQ?” the Rangers account replied, “North Carolina… sorry!” You’re ellipsis-sorry for bashing Texas barbecue, The Texas Rangers? Oh, I’m ellipsis-sorry, too. Looks…
I don’t like Mad Men. Maybe it’s because I used to be a copywriter in an ad agency. Hearing ad people love on Mad Men is grosser than watching your parents make out. “As an art director, I love the art direction.” “I really feel like Peggy and I are…
If you’ve never had a Peeps, know this: It’s like eating a tablespoon of sugar lovingly dusted atop a mouthful of your gramma’s cellulite. Pretty sure those are the two main ingredients, just behind yellow dye number gross. This is punishment candy. It’s the equivalent of getting a turd in…
In preschool, they decide when school happens because they have you by the toddler balls. They don’t follow a regular school calendar, because fuck you, they do what they want, this isn’t real education yet. The “pre” in “preschool” does stand for “pretend,” after all. This isn’t to say that…
When I received the press release from AshleyMadison.com, I initially assumed this was a website of a local baby photographer who takes those baby photos where they put your newborn inside a sepia-toned watermelon. Sounds like something an Ashley Madison would do. I was wrong…
Dearest Butt Faces Who Broke into My Car at White Rock Lake Last Week, When you broke the windows of my car (I was parked on Lawther by the stone tables), just like you’ve done to five other cars at the lake this month, according to police reports, and stole…
“Why on earth would you want a ticket to see the guy from Creed?” Gavin Cleaver asked me, after I asked if there were still tickets available for the Scott Stapp show at House of Blues. As it turns out, he wouldn’t be the last one to ask that question…
