The dream of the ’90s is alive and well in Addison’s Fogo de Chão Brazilian Steakhouse on a Saturday night. Turtlenecked parents toast their daughter for kicking ass in the school play. A grandmother celebrates her 87th birthday with three generations of family and a store-bought ice cream cake. First-daters…
Around 11 a.m. Saturday, dust off your green wig and drag your Irish-for-a-Day ass to Blackwell Street and Greenville Avenue for the 35th Annual Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade. (Good luck finding parking. You should most definitely take the DART. Or parachute in.) The Dallas Mavericks are the presenting…
Dearest Addison: It has come to my attention that you have decided to change the logo for your town. This greatly saddens me. I have loved that logo since its inception. Every time I drive down Midway Road and find myself passing through your suburb, I yell, “Yay, I’m in…
This Saturday, more than 125,000 people will stuff themselves into Greenville Avenue’s taint to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day exactly as one would in Ireland: with a beads parade, corn dogs and green beer. At 11 a.m., the 35th Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade will puke all-green-errything upon Blackwell Street…
Dying Valley View Mall might not have Gadzooks, Thirsty’s or dignity anymore, but what it does have is the perfect movie theater. I love it, because you’re too scared to take your pretty girlfriend there, so it’s always empty. I wait in zero line to see Frozen on opening weekend…
Last night, the Oscars happened. The set had tons of Oscars condoms blown up like balloons in the background. Epic. And lots of people watched as Oscars were given to the movies that were the most Oscar-y for being super Oscar-y. But more important: WOMEN IN DRESSES. There were boobie…
The Oscars are coming! Yay! I haven’t seen any of the movies, on account of the stupid infant and his inability to take care of himself for three hours, so I have no idea which new movies are the best new movies. I also have no idea what the outside…
Drinks are for drinking, not for chewing. I thought this was obvious. But then I bought a coconut water from the grocery store. “With pulp” it said. “OK, that’s probably like orange juice with pulp,” I replied. I opened the can, took a sip, and that’s when the pulpy can…
Whether you love the Winter Olympics (“Guns plus skiing equals yes!!”) or hate them (“Stupid Winter Olympics need more gymnastics less ice dancing!”), everyone knows all Olympics are better with beer. Or whiskey. Or and whiskey. Welcome to the 2014 Sochi Olympics Drinking Game, the only way to enjoy the…
If you’re a parent, it’s essential that you learn how to brag about your child as soon as possible. After all, parents are competitive about their children as soon as the kids pop out. (Sometimes, even before the kid’s born. “My pregnancy was super easy. I loved being pregnant! My…
Do you have Valentine’s Day plans? Cancel them. Because what you are about to hear is the most amazing Valentine’s Day opportunity that exists. I’ve got three words for you: sweaty bowling shoes. This weekend, if you bowl a perfect game at Lucky Strike (2845 W. 7th St., Fort Worth),…
Bob Costas, two nights ago, you won the Olympics. You were sitting there, with your double broken eyes, listening to one of those boring in-between-actual-events stories that Mary Carillo is forced by producers to do so that the world can take a bathroom break. And when the story was over,…
If you haven’t been to the Animal Inside Out exhibit at the Perot Museum yet, or if you’d like to go see it again, you’re in luck: The Perot Museum has extended the exhibit until February 23rd. Before you go, here’s a reminder of the exhibition rules. I like to…
You’ve been there: You’re walking through Nordstrom in NorthPark because it’s on the way to the rest of the mall, and some cute plastic watch in the jewelry case catches your eye and so you ask the nice saleslady if you can “Check that sucker out,” and the nice saleslady…
Valentine’s Day is stupid. And you jerks keep making it stupider by being so horrible at valentines-ing. I will now attempt to save you from your horrible selves. Here are some don’ts for this Valentine’s Day. Cheers to not being the worst at this fake holiday from now on. Don’t…
Noonie. Pee-pee. Dingle. Cha-cha. These aren’t stripper names. They’re the baby talk that many parents like to teach their kids instead of teaching them the words “penis” and “vagina.” I asked a mom why she was calling her kid’s parts weird things and she said that she was uncomfortable with…
This is it, people. This Sunday, February 2, is the last day the all-weather ice rink at Klyde Warren Park (2012 Woodall Rodgers Freeway) will be available for your horrible-at-ice-skating ass to fall down on it. For $5. Unless you bring your own skates, and then it’s free. So bring…
Who cares which Golden Girl you are? OK, Facebook really, really cares. But, wouldn’t you rather know which food trend you are? OF COURSE YOU WOULD. Behold: The Which Food Trend Are You Quiz. Behold it. And get out your solar-powered calculator or a 5-year-old. Answer the following questions. Then,…
I am sick and tired of my kid being so lazy. He’s lived under my roof his whole life, eating my food, leaving his crap all over the house expecting me to pick up after him without ever once saying “thanks.” It’s like, dude, you’re 7 months old. Grow. Up…
“Darlin'” count: 250 Chance of wood paneling: 100 percent Average age of diners: 75 “Why is Fort Worth?” you ask yourself on a daily basis. I can now tell you, with much confidence, that the answer is, without a doubt: “Because Swiss Pastry Shop’s burgers.” Chef/owner Hans P. Muller is…
Your toddler just dropped a Cheerio on the floor and said, “Aww, motherfucking dickjob!” We’ve all been there. But what do you do about it? (After you take a video of it happening one more time, because these days your happiness is based on Facebook “likes” and this moment will…
White Rock’s dog park is getting a $1 million renovation, and I can’t wait to see it. They’re talking about reworking the “dog launch” that goes into the lake, which appears to be just a manufactured shallow end of the lake, but maybe they’re making it into a dog catapult?…
