It’s been cold in Dallas lately. Because: winter. And based on the screenshots of the 10-day forecast clogging up the Facebook Newsfeed, you’re all starting to have a collective pants-crap about the fact that it’s not 110°F with a heat index of Shit Steam anymore. I get it. Icemageddon drive-by-boned…
On Friday, news broke that Spoon chef-owner John Tesar will soon open a new restaurant at Hotel Palomar, in the space that previously housed Central 214. It’ll be named Knife. It’ll be a steakstaurant. I’m sure it’ll be great. And I’m sure that these are the next five restaurants he’ll…
Dave Buchwald/Wikimedia CommonsYeah, he’s just screwin’ with you.Is your infant crying? Of course it is. But the harder question to answer is “Why the hell is this baby crying?” If you’ve asked the Internet to help you, I’m sure you’re already at the emergency room. But if you’re looking for…
Editor’s note: In honor of Sunday’s sold-out Meat Fight, we’re celebrating smoked animal flesh all week long in our inaugural Meat Week, in which we celebrate the procuring, cooking and face-stuffing of dead-animal flesh. To start, we asked our own Alice Laussade, James Beard Award winner and co-founder of Meat…
I just heard there’s a Halloween costume contest at my daughter’s pre-K, so that sent me off on a Halloween costume search. If you’re not already aware, the costume options available to buy for girls ages 4 to 7 are pretty princess dress, hooker princess dress, princess dress with a…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Say what you will about New Big…
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The air is thick with the sweet smell of fried Pepcid. The Texas Star Ferris wheel beckons your sweaty butt to its benches. As you read this, a kid is puking up a Fletcher’s corny dog on the Midway, just as a yellow-naped parrot bird-diarrheas onto audience heads at the…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Dearest Every Current Retailer, You always have…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Dear Sleeping-Through-the-Night Jesus: You were a baby…
You love Mumford & Sons. You can’t believe they’re actually bringing their faces to Dallas on Wednesday, September 18th. Your favorite radio hit is that one where they play the flugelhorn really hard for like a full minute straight because it reminds you of how awesome Dave Matthews Band is…
Dallas is talking about a ban on disposable plastic shopping bags. And I’m all for it. Because plastic bags are lazy. They break right when you need them. They refuse to hold as much as a paper bag. They make your cool bathroom trash can look dumb. They float around…
The Big Tex Choice Awards just gave Best Taste to Isaac Ruosso’s Fried Cuban Roll and Most Creative to Justin Martinez’s Deep Fried Thanksgiving. But that’s not the end of the list of new fried items at the fair this year. Behold: the list of more new fried dare food…
I love the State Fair of Texas. I also love fried things. Which means I have a deep, undying love for the Big Tex Choice Awards. And for the last few years, I’ve been so excited to go to the competition to get a chance to try all the new…
Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. You decide to go to Cane Rosso…
Dear The Public Broadcasting Service, Parents love your channel. We really do. When it’s none o’clock in the morning, my kid really loves beatboxing with the newer, improved-er version of The Electric Company. So I see what you’re doing. I see you hosting a pledge drive during the last weeks…
I admit it: I have a serious boner for The Price Is Right. I can’t wait until I’m a senior citizen and my love for this show is finally age-appropriate. In case you haven’t seen The Price Is Right (probably because you’re under 75 years of age or have never…
The other night I saw an ad for Ruby Tuesday that ended with a URL that made me say, “Wow. Did that actually just happen?” This is not something I say often. But I am a sucker for mysterious URLs. (See: Me speed-typing “cowboyfaith.org” into my phone after passing a…
Fire hoses. Bazookas. Carnival acts. These are the shooting-things-out-of-themselves experts. I know this now. Probably should have consulted them before attempting to blast a 9-pound-11-ounce boob destroyer out of my favorite part. Ah, well. Hindsight, much like a newborn baby person, is a total motherfucker. And once the baby’s out…
I had never been to a Trader Joe’s, but I thought I generally understood the concept: Before you go to your friend’s house for dinner, this is where you stop by and pick up a six pack of an IPA and some manner of fancy food bullshit so that your…
MTV is launching a new “reality docu-series” called Big Tips Texas. It’s not a porn-based reality series about Texan penis sizes, FYI. We asked. Turns out, it’s about “an eclectic group of women” who work at a bar. In Texas. Allegedly, “Whether they’re partying on Lake Lewisville, planning their futures,…
Everybody has that Dallas friend who seems to know everything about every restaurant in this fine city. But have things gone a little too far? Are we on a first-name basis with way too many sommeliers in town? Is it easier for people to find you sitting at a table…
