Drinking Dinner

For such a small country, Belgium is loaded with claims to fame. Many countries would be happy merely to be renowned for their chocolate and lace, but the Belgians know what really counts in life: booze. Belgian beer is the cream of the crop, keeping tongues, tummies and livers happy…

Safety First

If you’re new to the activity, it might seem scary to “ride the rim.” Maybe you haven’t met many people who are into it. Maybe you’re afraid the rim will be dirty. Maybe you won’t be able to stick through the whole thing. But riding the rim can be fun…

Bjorchestra

There are so many beautiful things in this world we may look to for inspiration in our own lives and creative endeavors. Sunrises and sunsets. Kittens. Nature. Bjork. I know if I were going to write a symphony—been meaning to get around to it on a rainy day, you know—she’d…

Behind Closed Doors

As 13 people filed into the jury box of a packed Tarrant County courtroom last August, all eyes shifted from the man at the defense table to the men and women who would decide his fate. Briefly, Bishop Terry Hornbuckle fell out of the spotlight. Onlookers must have been surprised…

Dreamer In My Dreams

My teeth fall out all the time, smushed into little pieces—in my dreams, of course. Apparently it’s a common theme, but that doesn’t make it any less creepy—or complex—in my opinion. The Dallas School of Metaphysics disagrees. In promoting their upcoming dream interpretation seminar, they invite all dreamers, from the…

Kiddie Kitty

Life was hard for the Egyptian temple cat. Worshiped as a god, he longed for freedom. We know how he feels. We Observer writers are inundated with fruit baskets, flower arrangements and free liquor flowing upon us from the cheerful givers of the metroplex. It’s a hard-knock life. We envy…

Stealing Arts

While other little girls were perhaps prompted to direct their affections toward the likes of Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp or Joey Lawrence, I was raised with more discerning tastes. I had no need for brat-pack tomfoolery; movie night at our house meant a screening of the 1963 classic The Great…

Politics as Usual

Somebody start the timer. My 15 minutes of music section fame are about to begin…and end. Next week on this page, you’ll be reading the sweet prose of your new music editor, Jonanna Widner, who probably has cooler hair than you. Until then, let me take you on a magical…

Roll Out the Barrel

Google Maps does not know where Rendon is. Oh, it knows where the Rendon Burgers restaurant is, and it knows what the Rendon local business alliance is up to, but as far as Google is concerned, they float in a void between Mansfield and Burleson in southwest Tarrant County. To…

Filling the Charity Cups

Who doesn’t love getting felt up for a good cause? This week, it’s breast cancer research. For everyone who gets fitted for a bra at specific Neiman Marcus stores, underwear company Wacoal will give $2 to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Choose Wednesday at the Neiman’s downtown, 1618…

Cold, Cold Demo

The Sub-Zero Wolf Grilling Demonstration and Fine Wine Dinner seems problematic. How long does it take to heat up a grill in such weather? Then, wolves are endangered, so you’ve gotta get ’em from Nigel at Black Market Meats ‘R’ Us. I don’t have to tell you what kind of…

The Reverend Freak

On judgment day, the bishop’s women have all come together in one exquisitely cold place: the 372nd District Court in Fort Worth, where a jury has just agreed on a sentence for the Reverend Terry Hornbuckle. The 44-year-old pastor has been convicted of drugging and raping three women, two of…

Super Kegger

When you’re young, there are so many things that you take for granted. Cellulite-free legs, for one. The ability to wear sleeveless clothing without drawing stares. Total lack of responsibility. Those winding-wire toys you push the beads around on at the doctor’s office. But the most shameful of all? Kids…

Schadenfreude, Anyone?

There’s just nothing as satisfying as making others feel really bad about themselves. Take it from the Observer. We’ve made an entire publishing career out of it. Most times, people deserve it. But we stand up for the little guy, and that means rooting for the underdog in The Nerd,…

Peering Over the Rim

Different cultures have different coming-of-age rituals. Some parents send their teens out into the woods to fend for themselves. Others throw the little boogers multi-thousand-dollar parties to which they invite their little booger friends so they can all be on an MTV show about what little boogers they are. I…

Cuttin’ Ice

Hello, Wind? This is Nipples. Come in? This is Nipples to the Wind, do you read me? We have a lot to talk about. First of all, Wind, we dislike it when you blow cold air on us, because it creates a lot of embarrassment. Secondly, Wind, we know you…

Icy Hot

Today, there are 13.5 miles between myself and the Dr Pepper Starcenter in Farmers Branch. That’s 13.5 miles between me and the possibility of demonstrating to Mike Modano that I am the woman of his dreams. Helen to his Paris. Guinevere to his Arthur. Liza to his David Gest. And,…

Going Bananas

Like Jane Goodall, I once lived among animals. From the tiny hovel I’d eked out for myself in their natural habitat, I would observe their movements. The objects of my observation had bizarre, occasionally nonexistent, bathing habits. Others had unusual mating rituals, often draping themselves in cloth that barely covered…

Book of Poems

For untold numbers of teenage girls circa 1996, Jewel Kilcher was much more than a musician—she was a role model. She taught us to aspire to many, many things, such as living in vans and playing guitars in bathroom stalls. She gave us hope. If the jerk who inspired “You…

Do Be Brief

There are some people you just don’t need to spend a whole lot of time with to get their point. Barney the Dinosaur. Paris Hilton. Certainly not Che Guevara, though whoever directed that Motorcycle Diaries movie could have lopped off a minute or 60 and just kept the parts where…

She’s With the Band

So Mary had a little lamb. Who hasn’t? It’s tasty. The only people who have a problem with that are those PETA folks and a couple of vegan kindergartners who run screaming out of the classroom during nursery-rhyme hour. But now things have really gone too far. The Artisan Theatre…

Give Peace a Dishtowel

Three weeks ago, this plot of land in Crawford was covered in trees and brush. Today, it looks like the circus grounds. A giant white tent draped with colorful banners has been erected. Four people in elaborate costumes parade in circles outside to a cheering crowd. They are dressed as…