There are a few things that terrify me. Cockroaches are up there. It’s the way they can disappear into anything, like, say, light switches or clown’s mouths. When I was a kid, I imagined Michael Myers following me with a sharp, glinting axe. Now, I’d like to officially add a…
I would like to address the Hamburglar. Hamburglar: It has come to my attention that you’re back, for some reason, and I wanted to check in with you. There are only a few times a year I’m at McDonald’s. Most often, I order it at the airport. Somehow, a two…
There’s something terrifying about food hybrids. For example: When Pizza Hut human-centipeded a hot dog into a pizza crust, the entire planet cringed. When food scientist Guy Fieri announces new creations, like tater tot ravioli and hot donkey nachos, it’s fair to experience bouts of night terrors. A torta and…
The first rule of Ten Bells Tavern is: You should actually really talk about Ten Bells Tavern. There’s the smoky, saucy wings studded with blue cheese, the woodsy patio (complete with roving, fuzzy cats), the focused beer menu, and the new-Star Wars-trailer-good short rib fries. Ten Bells Tavern has won…
Zero Hour was for typing. It was middle school in the ’90s, and a couple of days a week I was in “zero hour” class, which meant it was before-the-sun early, and involved typing meaningless phrases to bolster my words-per-minute score. A sheet of paper rested over the tops of…
There are a lot of things to love about Spork. There’s the mystifying theme of alien abduction: The bathroom doors show “men” and “women” icons beaming up to an alien saucer. A tiny Spork logo on the menu reads “A Message from Space” in Forbidden Planet font. The beer list…
Nick Rallo eats burgers. Like, a lot of them. I would say that my love of burgers began at the moment of conception, but grew to its modern form in Los Angeles. I was there for a few years after college, working late into those cocktail-cold California nights, and there…
The following are transcripts of emails detailing events that began in Dallas, Texas on March 22, 2015. The emails, obtained by the Observer, outline a possible felonious and deepening romantic plot between a food writer, alias Nick Rallo, and a known cheeseburger in the area. The emails have not been…
It’s like walking into a restaurant inside a kids’ book. Nestled in the Casa Linda Plaza shopping center, next to Great Clips, is the adorable Dugg Burger. Inside, there’s a menu that’s all pictures. It’s perfect for non-readers, lovers of simple food and extraterrestrials. E.T. would actually have no trouble…
One of the most challenging things you can do, as a person with free will and time to roam the Earth and eat things, is to sit and enjoy the taste of a veggie burger. Questions break the mind-dam and flood in: Why shape vegetables to look like a burger?…
A few weeks ago, we broke down Dallas’ 10 best burgers. The first few were easy to rattle off because, after last year, we’re actually made of burger meat now. Going forward, you will address us as “Burgers King.” Several of the burgers are iconic classics, others are new entries…
Careful thought is put into even Dallas’ seemingly simple cheeseburgers. Take the one at Boulevardier, where sherry vinaigrette dresses the tomatoes and lettuce to make them less boring. Off-Site Kitchen’s burgers are smashed onto the grill for that impactful sear. On Knife’s hot grills, a flurry of salt and pepper…
If there’s a Valhalla-like hall for great sandwiches, the patty melt should have a seat. When it’s done right, it’s a perfect thing: A burger inside a melted cheese sandwich, balanced with onions as soft as butter, built, at its best, on thick, earthy rye. Back in college, one of…
Rodeo Goat is now open in the Design District, and it has goats. There is a goat, saddled like a horse and grinning in a mid-kick, above the bar. Some of the goats look like mountain goats, and some of them, like the one glaring at me from above the…
There are a few things to absorb when you enter Melios Char Bar on Greenville. There’s the board that announces the chicken-fried steak special, hand-drawn and bordered with cartoon vines. There’s the classic, bold ’80s GYROS sign in Santorini blue. Bulging firehouse brick is stacked behind the short order cook…
Breaking news from the Dallas food scene: On the heels of the Morning News’ possibly wrong report that he is replacing Chef Brian Zenner at Oak, Chef John Tesar, former Spoon and current Knife chef, is scheduled to take the pastry chef slot at CBD Provisions. It’s an interesting development…
Remedy Burger? My density has brought me to you. What I meant to say is: I’m your destiny. I’m sitting at a table on the clangy metal second floor of Remedy, the new upscale homage to a soda fountain on Greenville, and all I can think about is George McFly’s…
The bar at Henry’s Majestic is all subway tiles, wood-paneling and exposed piping — it’s got the feel of old New York. On the night I pulled out a barstool, I was one of the first to arrive. I sat close enough to the mixologist’s herbs to smell them, and…
From the moment you walk into the new Eureka! Burger, the California chain’s first restaurant in Dallas, a suspicious feeling works over you. On a chilly weekday night in the West Village, the place is dim enough to render everyone in shadows. A row of patrons seated at the bar…
From the start, Potato Flats feels off. In line, a woman asks if I want a white or sweet potato. Not having prepared for that one, I say, “uh, white?” She proceeds to cut and clobber a white potato with a silver potato-clobbering machine. She asks if I want salt,…
When talking about burgers with other people who like them, it would be totally appropriate to yell, “Dallas is a burger destination!” Shout it with confidence. If we weren’t a destination for great burgers before, we’re one now. Make the claim, and I’ll back you. There is a lot of…
One of the strangest bar menus in Dallas has to be at Cold Beer Company. Hot dogs are loaded up with brisket or mac ‘n’ cheese, and the tortilla and pita chips come with two salsas and a plastic cup of freshly mixed pimento cheese. They have a late-night peanut…
