On October 15, 2015, Shake Shack, the beloved restaurant chain, released a white, Angus beef smoke from their burger conclave, signaling that a new Shake Shack location has been chosen. The new location for Shake Shack will be in Uptown Dallas. As the people rejoiced in a cavalcade of horse-drawn…
It’s got to be one of the most challenging things to achieve in cinema history: How do you truly frighten the hell out of a movie audience? These days, in the Internet age, wherein we meticulously dissect films for accurate representations of reality and feasibility, it’s hilariously difficult. But when…
On September 28, Burger King released a new burger with jet black buns. They’re calling it the “A.1. Halloween Whopper,” with “A.1. flavor baked in” to the bun. Somehow, “A.1. flavor” makes it look like something Mordor birthed. If you took a Sharpie to a regular Whopper, you’d be treading…
I’m pretty sure I’m inside an old movie’s dream sequence. Hazy light oscillates around the corners of my vision. There’s a faded blue notebook in front of me, like something you’d find in your great- grandma’s attic, that reads “Savory Psalms of Ida Claire.” A Jimi Hendrix Experience album rests…
Dear Yucca Fries, I don’t understand how this happened. I’m not a chef. Will you help me? I’m confused about how you, Yucca, of the kingdom Plantae, became a fried thing. I looked you up on Wikipedia, and it says you have tough, “sword-shaped” leaves originally. How in the Wolfgang…
On the second day of September, in response to viewing an ad for Applebee’s “All-In” burgers on Facebook, I tweeted: Minutes poured on. The sun continued to bake the Earth. A horsefly landed on the sharp leaf of a rosemary plant. Cars sucked in clean air. Then, Applebee’s responded. This,…
What are you doing tonight? I don’t know what you are doing, but do you want to grab a burger? I was thinking we could eat and talk about how the Earth’s surface is drying up like a Premium Saltine. Could we take a few minutes and weep openly while…
Everything is hot. The steering wheel, the bridge, those metal birds in Deep Ellum, the hose nozzle out back, Jim Schutze and the mailbox are all like smoking nuclear rods. Yesterday I grabbed a metal chair that had been sitting outside on a bright patio, and now I can shoot powerful…
You know this already, but it’s a weird and wild world of burgers out there. Sites range from historical (Dairyette), heavily debated (Keller’s), and newly gold-cheese-minted structures (Like: Offsite Kitchen and Knife). In fact, I’m pretty sure the map of Dallas’ burger scene is starting to mimic one of those…
A few minutes before dinner service fires up at Rapscallion (on the dot at 5:30 p.m.), I’m sitting a preciously-designed two-person table in the bar area, hands folded in my lap, watching the kitchen come together. Somewhere in between the Greenville traffic, the swarming heat, and an article about the…
Since 1998, according to a report earlier this year, there have 4,359 UFO sightings in Texas. According to recent report of Me Reading Food Websites, 4,359 is also roughly the same number of places in which you can get a cheeseburger in Dallas-Fort Worth. And like UFO sightings, the accounts…
It used to be a discount tire shop. On a peninsula on the corner of Ross and Greenville, Ross Discount Tire was a place you could swerve into and get your nail-bludgeoned tire swapped as fast as Marvel’s Quicksilver and hilariously cheap. Now it’s Pints and Quarts, a Bob’s Big…
We live in an age of new buns. You may have noticed the evolution: What once was bread is now ramen buns, fried chicken buns, lipstick-red buns, no bun buns (lettuce), buns the color of Darth Vader’s helmet, man buns, doughnut buns, fried mac and cheese buns, buns with cheese…
No wooden chairs broke over my back after eating this burger. No bottles shattered cleanly over the peak of my skull and nobody was thrown, like a raging wrestler, through a tabletop. Hickory, neatly tucked under the towering tollway and Texas 121, is dark and quiet. Flat-screens flash at low…
I assume things like the following are happening right now: Shafts of light are exploding through a storm cloud. Two complete strangers are suddenly buying each other beers and spending the day together, laughing. Trash is being removed from a park bench by hand. A dolphin is being released from…
When it comes to fast food, I’m a traditionalist at heart-stomach. If I’m headed to McDonald’s, usually at the airport because that seems like a safe sanctuary to eat McDonald’s, I’m sticking to the combo No. 2 (two single cheeseburgers, Coke, fries), which I’ve ordered since high school. New items…
Dallas isn’t a just a burger destination anymore; it’s a wildly-thriving meat ecosystem. It’s why it’s so damn hard to answer the question, “What’s a good burger I should eat right now?”: There are enough burger sizes, classifications and hybrids in Dallas to live on their own, roaming the grassy…
Almost everything about little Texas Tapas is modest. Eleven bottles of liquor sit on a floating shelf behind the bar. Historic Dallas photos hang above. There’s one long granite bar, no beers on tap (a tall fridge has Deep Ellum cans and other bottles), and one big handful of tables…
Today, Pizza Hut will release an edible abomination into our midst. An unnatural beast created by a team of irresponsible do-badders. The Pizza Hut pizza will have a hot-dog-stuffed crust and will cost $12. As Jurassic Park’s Jeff Goldblum would say (imagine his giant Jeff Goldblum ears waving in the…
When it comes to reviewing Hollywood, these are the days of orderly miracles and pragmatic wonder. A gritty, fastidious realism often takes over Hollywood’s biggest marvels, and we analyze it as such. Why would Superman leave vapor trails in the sky? Would Sandra Bullock really be able to use a…
In eight days, just as nature intended, Pizza Hut is set to release a pizza that has 28 mini hot dogs as the crust. Over on Pizza Hut’s Facebook page, the latest post reads: “It’s real. Hot Dog Bites Pizza is coming to America. 6.18.15,” It’s as if Pizza Hut…
It’s all acutely organized at K.T. Burger. Coolers, piled high with ice and evenly distributed beers, run alongside a long entryway. A server greets you, writes the number of your party and your table on a bordered, sticky slip of paper. Four of the latest flat screens, each seemingly equidistant…
