After his team upset the 49ers in San Francisco in the 1992 NFC Championship, exuberant Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson climbed atop a chair in the locker room with an interrogative declaration: “How ’bout them Cowboys?!” After his team upset the defending champion Spurs in San Antonio Monday night in…

You can get Cialis at the front door. Unlimited alcohol inside. There are girls with low-cut tops, high-rise skirts and flexible morals. Guys prowl in spikes and collars. Everybody has a cell phone, set on vibrate. Balls are getting wet. And everywhere you look: swingers. But this ain’t no party,…

LeBron James was fathered by an ex-con. Alison Eastwood’s hotness somehow evolved from Dirty Harry. Luke Skywalker’s lineage is directly traced to the unholy sperm of Darth Vader. George W. Bush is…OK, extraordinarily bad example. And, in the tradition of conquering rotten roots, the San Antonio Spurs’ founding father was…

So this old couple buys a house. Not just any couple, mind you. They’re not directly related, but you treat them like family. Check on them almost every day. Make every effort to buy what they’re selling, injecting income and enthusiasm to make their ends meet happily ever after. Not…

Lowndes Shingler. John M. Longmeyer. Lou Cioci. Stop me when you’ve heard of one…Bill Van Burkleo. Sonny Utz. Drawing a blank? Of course you are. Join the clueless crowd. Because despite what geeks like Mel Kiper and Gil Brandt and Norm Hitzges and some eighth-grader with a Web site in…

It’s a hot, wind-warped day at the Dallas Cup Youth Soccer Tournament in Frisco, and a team of 13-year-old boys has just administered a 6-0 ass-kicking. As they jubilantly leave Pizza Hut Park, the group of players and their supporters happens upon a gaggle of barely legal girls. Fit, flirty…

Like he does before every start, Rangers pitcher R.A. Dickey attended chapel last Thursday asking for God’s guidance on the mound. Presumably praying just as hard, Detroit Tigers catcher Ivan Rodriguez made a quick sign of the cross before digging in to take his third-inning cuts at Dickey’s faith-based knuckleball…

He ain’t the biggest waste of talent in NFL history. But he is the fastest. At this point in his afterlife, Alexander Wright was supposed to be kicking back and cashing in on a star-studded career adorned with Super Bowl rings and supersonic highlights. The NFL’s fastest player in the…

Hell hath frozen over. The Red Sox and White Sox won a World Series. The Seahawks played in a Super Bowl. The Clippers will make the NBA Playoffs. George Friggin’ Mason is in the Final Four. And somewhere Wile E. Coyote just nabbed the Roadrunner. Yet there, left standing at…

You wouldn’t hire Charles Barkley to be the Mavericks’ team psychologist. Put Robin Ventura in charge of the Rangers’ alumni association. Or name Lee Harvey Oswald Inc. as Dallas’ public relations firm. Um, then why in the world would you applaud the signing of Terrell Owens as a Dallas Cowboy?…

Appearing now on the Dallas Cowboys’ new flagship radio station: A lunchtime host who fought the former head coach and constantly fillets the current one. A drive-time star who champions himself as leader of the “anti-Cowboys faction” and refers to Bill Parcells as “The New Jersey Con Man.” And a…

The tuxedos were suave. The carpet was royally red. Joan Rivers’ fashion fangs were bloodthirsty. And the cleavage deliciously breached its levees. Yet something was missing from Sunday’s 78th Academy Awards. Ahem, where was sports? Sure, host Jon Stewart played soccer at William & Mary University, and a boxing flick…

Finally, it was over. After seven months of pain and six hours of mediation, they reached an agreement. Documents signed. Sighs exhaled. Farewells exchanged. But wait, Kenny Rogers had one more surprise for Larry Rodriguez. As the former Texas Rangers pitcher, the KDFW-Channel 4 cameraman he assaulted last June and…

Welcome to American Airlines Center, home to bells, whistles and enough sensory stimuli to obliterate the line between Mavericks game and Mardi Gras. On the court, roving reporter Chris Arnold prods fans, screaming into a microphone. Up in the stands there is a drum line, a section of freaky face-painters,…

Truth: Old Texas Rangers General Manager John Hart once appeared in TV ads wearing sunglasses. Myth: On the cover of this year’s media guide, new Rangers GM Jon Daniels will wear a bib. Truth: Daniels was born five years after the Rangers arrived in Arlington. Myth: His name is temporarily…

Spit happens. Sometimes saliva mixes with chewing tobacco and is expectorated into the bottom of a Coke can. Sometimes the pungent concoction is left sitting in the can long enough to begin coagulating. Sometimes that almost-empty can gets set down right beside the almost-empty one you are drinking from. Sometimes…

What if Jose Cortez made the field goal? You know the one, the 29-yard chip shot that would’ve given the Cowboys a 10-point lead over the Seahawks late in the game back on October 23. Instead of losing 13-10, Dallas wins 13-10. And that whopping 180 is merely a link…

He wears bikini briefs. TiVos The View. Spends alarming time with his morning mirror, caressing his hair with extravagant product and bathing his skin with lush lotion. And when he’s not acting like our city’s most sensitive woman, Mike Rhyner is one of Dallas radio’s most powerful men. He can…

How ’bout them Dallas Longhorns! What a great story. Vince Young, raised on the tough streets of Oak Cliff, survives to star at Carter High School and eventually matures into the leader of the nation’s No. 1 college football team. Wow! And it all happened here in our own backyard…

Forget Bill Parcells. What would the Cowboys do without Wilford Jones? Considering the glaucoma and the strokes have left him blind, he’s probably not going to replace Drew Bledsoe. He’ll have a hard time upgrading the pass rush with an amputated right leg and that clunky wheelchair. And his Social…

For enduring this hell on earth, dedicated soldiers of God are rumored to be rewarded with the splendors of heaven. Eternal life. Vanishing love handles. Endless plasma TVs. Angels with big wings and bigger breasts pouring free beer into the biggest mugs. And for suffering this painfully unsuccessful era, devoted…