In 2009, I’m going to change. Totally change. I know I’m 44 and have achieved moderate success by being set in my ways for two decades, but I think I can do it. I’ve got myself convinced I have to do it. I’m going to develop an appreciation for sour cream,…
Status: Green Weight: 156.9 (-14.2) Mood: Hungry Hunched Over Happy! Tonight, we dine! Well, sorta. I’ll probably have some soup. Maybe an ease-out-of-it cracker or two. Nothing too crazy. After all, it’s been 10 days since my last food: A jalapeno cheeseburger on white bread and a handful of red grapes at…
As promised, I cleaned out my closet over the holidays. Hmm, what to do when it’s Jan. 14 and you’ve already aced your New Year’s resolution? I know, Show-n-Tell! As usual, the wittiest answers correctly identifying my closet’s contents in vivid detail win a free week’s subscription to both the Dallas Observer and this…
A) Flozell Adams and his 92 false-start penalties will make a trip to the Pro Bowl. B) Would-be robbers change their minds upon realizing their intended victim is a former player loaded with fame and fortune. C) Championship legacy be damned, these days your Cowboys are closer to the Clippers than…
Right is wrong and left is … right? Seems to be. It’s not exactly a bass-ackward revolution, but left-handers are doing okay for themselves in sports these days. Or are they? The idea struck me last week when I saw highlights of college quarterbacks Josh Heupel and Matt Leinart winning…
Status: Green Weight: 157.6 (-13.5) Mood: Bitter Better It’s not that I’m craving or lusting food. I’m really not. It’s just that, well, God I’m sick of lemons. Buying them and cutting them and squeezing them and smelling them and having their juice sting my cuticles and, yes, drinking them. I’m even…
As you’ll read in this week’s dead-tree version of The Sportatorium, hitting newstands tomorrow, I think Wade Phillips should be fired. Immediately. No, actually, I think Jerry Jones should’ve walked down to the sideline in the third quarter of the Philadelphia debacle after Tony Romo unceremoniously stripped Phillips of his…
Known it for a while, but yesterday the head honchos at our two local dailies made it official: Beginning next month the newspaper sports war competition is over. The former rivals are now shaking hands, sharing headlines. It’s happening all over the place, with even super powers like the Washington…
Status: Green Weight: 157.6 (-13.5) Mood: Restless Remorseful Resolved First, the desire hatched an idea. Then the idea became a challenge. The challenge bred committment. The committment begat stubborness. Now, stubborness has morphed into habit. The Master Cleanser has become second nature, a way of life. My weight seems to…
As we speak, 105.3 The Fan is in the middle of a 30-day negotiating period with the Cowboys to steal the team away from 1310 AM The Ticket and become Dallas’ official flagship station. The new sports-talk station has also hired Dallas’ Only Daily columnist Tim Cowlishaw for a regular role…
Michael Young, meet Michael Finley. Seems like forever Finley was a good solider on bad Mavericks teams, the best player and the involuntarily spokesman absorbing and explaining years of losing while the cast of crappy teammates and coaches around him constantly changed. He played hurt. He played well. He was an All-Star…
If you missed Pacman Jones on CBS’ NFL pre-game Saturday afternoon, here are the highlights lowlights: *His hair was in a sorta mohawk, stolen from Wesley Snipes’ Blade, and he was wearing a cheesy, white sports jacket, a la Don Johnson in Miami frigging’ Vice. *He used “man” as some of puntcuator…
Status: Green Weight: 158.0 (-13.1) Mood: Pissed Pensive Peaceful Wanna hear something gross? Well, that is half the reason you’re here, right? Okay, The Master Cleanser’s diabolical discharge doesn’t only come from the bottom floor. For the first week I’ve been blow-blow-blow-blowing my nose. So much so that I finally…
Status: Green Weight: 158.8 (-12.3) Mood: Bitchy Belligerent Beloved When you’re on The Master Cleanser, it’s the little things. No, really, the little things. This morning I was sipping my breakfast, chuckling at today’s supposed “breaking news” that I gave you two weeks ago about Michael Crabtree, considering what it must…
Whether you’re at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt’s End: *First things first. If you plan to see this movie, or even think it looks remotely entertaining, please, leave these premises immediately. *Nothing official yet (UPDATE: Now it’s official), but I…
Status: Green Weight: 161.5 (-9.6) Mood: Crazy Caustic Content One of the benefits of losing weight is gaining time. When you stop eating – 5 days and counting – you realize exactly how much time we devote each day to food. The planning. The shopping. The commuting. The waiting. The…
To quote Brad Sham: “What a pitiful display by the Dallas Cowboys.” And, to think, we thought they’d still be playing come 2009. – Richie Whitt …
In between the few highlights of an entirely underwhelming college football championship game between what looked like two very average quarterbacks, I sneaked some peeks last night at your Dallas Mavericks. What’d I see? Another win, pushing their record to an impressive 22-13. Another unimpressive performance, this time barely outlasting the lowly…
UPDATE: Our Village Voice sister paper in Palm Beach will be live blogging from the game tonight. Pop Quiz: A) I’m jazzed about tonight’s BCS National Championship Game, pitting the two best teams in college football this season. B) I’m mildy interested, even though I think Southern Cal, Texas and Utah…
Status: Green Weight: 162.0 (-9.1) Mood: Edgy Enraged Ecstatic Not a big fan of singing. Truth be told, I’m not head-over-heels in love with showers, either. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t find myself singing in the shower this morning. Granted it was an apropos Nine Inch Nails diddy – don’t…
This must have been what Ed Sullivan felt like when he introduced a guy named Elvis Presley. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the one, the only … Jim … Schuuuuuuutze! … O.K., this is my first time over here on Sportatorium, and I’m feeling kind of insecure…
Say what you will about Russ Martin – and, believe me, I’ve said a lot – the guy deserves credit for keeping his Listeners Foundation up and running even though his gig at Live 105.3 got axed. In keeping with a promise he made upon establishing the foundation after 9/11,…
