Ninety-five percent of Americans profess to believing in God, yet only 78 percent admit to masturbating. Who’s lying? I’ll tell you who–girls. When it comes to religion, you’ve probably spent years coasting by, like most of us, on shoddy objections and cheap rationalization. You know, the stuff that allows you…
You’ve known it since the dear old days at Faber College: Knowledge is good. Here are seven places where you and your kids can put that credo into action this year with no risk of double secret probation. Unless that’s the kind of thing that floats your boat, in which…
Everyone wants to look good, but who wants to work for it? All that sacrifice and inconvenience. Not to mention the sweating. Gross. Take a shortcut in 2004: Improve your appearance the easy way–pay for it. The Fab Four warned us that money can’t buy you love. Queer Eye for…
Ever notice how many of our resolutions involve negative things? Stop smoking, stop pigging out, stop snapping at the significant other. This year, why not add something positive to the list? Start with a pledge to make yourself smarter. Chances are, you’ll regain the weight and start smoking and snapping…
To travel is to learn. And we’re not talking about knowledge you can glean from any book. We’re talking about experience–the teacher you curse with all your might yet call up again after graduation to see if there is any more wisdom to be imparted. Our travels, for instance, have…
So, have you ever wondered what exactly goes into the painting of a portrait? You might have suspected there’s more to it than a painter saying something along the lines of, “Hey, baby, can I, uh, paint you?” and then someone else saying, “Yeah, sure, that’d be cool.” You might…
Not a lot of people know this, but our word “actress” is derived from the Greek phrase strumpetos luckyos, meaning “prostitute who somehow landed an agent.” The reason that this etymological root remains largely unappreciated is that it is entirely fake, fabricated for the present purpose of irritating a lot…
Producing live theater isn’t a crapshoot. It’s a poker game. You have to bet big to win big. But a big payoff in regional and community theater usually means just breaking even. Few companies end up in the chips during a season. More often, they lose their puffy shirts. Even…
Our first trip to the opera was confusing. There were supertitles above the action that translated the lyrics (we had no idea it would be so modern), there were many, many people asleep in their seats that cost hundreds of dollars, and the biggest shocker had to be that there…
Thursday, January 8 If you check the “single” box on forms and enjoy the beauty of a gourmet meal, then you’re probably really picky and there’s good reason you’re still alone. We wouldn’t know anything about that. We do know the glory of having discriminating taste and high standards, as…
Remember that girl in middle school? No, not “One-Eyed Olivia.” We’re talking about the girl who owned a horse, and we’re positive you remember her because she made sure everybody in fifth-period lunch heard about her damn horse at least twice a week. Perhaps not every middle school in Texas…
1/8 January 8 was a banner day in entertainment history. Born on this date were such greats as David Bowie, Elvis Presley, R. Kelly and Bob Eubanks. But only one of these entertainers is being honored with a party at Dick’s Last Resort on Thursday. Oddly enough, he’s also the…
1/10 Maybe, just maybe, this is the latest twist to the old New Year’s resolution that will actually work. Unlike those in bygone years when you would vow with great resolve and determination to shed those unsightly pounds and get the ol’ bod in shape, then soon decide, what the…
1/9 With the unsettling backdrop of current world events, the Dallas Children’s Center on Tour has announced a performance of James Still’s acclaimed And Then They Came for Me that is certain to give young and old ample food for thought. Part oral history, part dramatic action spiced with video…
1/9 Baccus might turn over in his grave at the thought, but some prefer whiskey to a pretentious glass of wine. The Bushmills family of Irish whiskey can be just as ostentatious, offering a wide and diverse selection from malty flavor to rich vanilla. The Old Bushmills Distillery is the…
1/14 Ideally, anarchy is more than a sloppy scarlet-letter logo of teenage rebellion. For those seriously searching for societal or political change–Tolstoy to Rotten–it’s a malleable and figurative call to arms. It’s also a chaotic extreme that (at its most effective) only incites the very situation that it rails against…
As a reader, it can be easy to assume that all the critics at a particular publication are more or less of the same mind, but here at New Times, that isn’t the case. We’re just too damn independent-minded to take our colleagues’ views into consideration, which is why, when…
Bill Gallo: Even dedicated art-house regulars missed Pavel Lounguine’s Tycoon: A New Russian when it was released this fall, but this intrigue-spiced tale of a ruthless yet surprisingly sympathetic Russian oligarch worked equally well as a crime thriller and a course in Russian fiscal policy (or the lack of it)…
What follows are my unpublished–and raw–notes from the semi-annual Television Critics Association “TV Press Tour” held in Los Angeles over the summer. At this gathering, held each January and July, TV executives trot out and tout their biggest stars and newest shows in front of television critics, who then return…
The relationship between yoga and writing seems like a natural correlation. One twists the body while the other twists the mind, and the result is a feeling of release and relief. Much like exercise, putting thoughts on paper can be a daunting task, but what you get in return is…
Thursday, January 1 How the tradition began is up for debate. While searching for the truth, we happened upon www.missvickie.com, which contained answers from Miss Vickie’s older relatives concerning the eating of black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day. (Note: We have no idea who Miss Vickie is, but trusting her,…
If all goes according to plan, we’ll be spending Friday and Saturday night guarding the entrance to the screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and quizzing each ticket holder thusly: “Stop! Who approacheth the Door of the Theater must answer me these questions three, ere the other side…
