Re: T.O., O.D.

Dallas Police Department spokesman Lt. Rick Watson just held a press conference in which he didn’t deny a police report indicating Owens attempted suicide. Watson would only say that the information shouldn’t have been leaked to the media. Citing federal privacy laws, Watson didn’t take questions and said, “After our…

T.O., O.D.

This morning comes word Terrell Owens might have been trying to kill himself with painkillers. We’ve all seen how Terrell Owens can destroy franchises. Now, sadly, we’re witnessing that he can also be destructive to himself. According to several reports like this one this morning, the Dallas Cowboys receiver attempted…

Parcells Wonders, You a Player or a Pansy? (Update: Or a Suicide?)

That Bill Parcells–what a friggin’ sweetheart. In the issue of Sports Illustrated subscribers will get today or tomorrow, Cowboys running back Julius Jones is the subject of the short “First Person” column, by Peter King. It’s mostly silly, pointless stuff–what Jones watches on TV, his hardest collision, meeting Emmitt Smith,…

Assist to Avery

We have no doubt Avery Johnson can give one hell of a pep talk. But we’re also sure it sounds kinda funny. Couldn’t help but get goosebumps watching the Saints come home to New Orleans on Monday Night Football. The Saints beat the Falcons in their first game at the…

The World’s Oldest Major Leaguer

For years, this photo of the 1913 Homestead Grays has been on Baseball Almanac’s Web site without anyone knowing that Silas Simmons, the second from right in the middle row, was still alive. There’s a fascinating story in The New York Times this morning about a man no one knew…

The Hunt for Dead October

The Rangers will probaby finish the season below .500. For that, you have these two men to thank, among many. And, no, that’s Jon Daniels at left, not Tom Hicks’ bat boy. Alas, another fall without baseball has arrived in the metroplex. I took a masochistic field trip to the…

Re: Fat Ain’t Phat

A guy who thinks we’re ridiculous is somewhere in this picture. Jake Palenske runs NCompass Media, LLC out of Sachse; it’s a “multimedia production company [specializing] in rich-media projects for delivery on CD or DVD, DVD interface design,” and if you don’t know what that means, I can’t help ya…

U.S., Say What?

Tiger Woods is not only a great golfer, but also a foot rest. Looking for some good ol’ American athletic domination. Hmm, where to start. Soccer? Nope, didn’t win a single game in last summer’s World Cup. Baseball? Failed to even qualify for the last Olympics. How ’bout basketball, a…

Damn The Man

George Dunham doesn’t call Gordon Keith, pictured here, “The Arsonist” for nothing. Ask Norm Hitzges about it. Just don’t say anything to The Ticket’s new owners. Nuhn-unh. No. So Gordo’s giving it to Norm pretty good, and Frito’s all riled up, and you can tell there’s no script and, man,…

Chief Sitting Bull

Each weekend night the Mesquite Championship Rodeo is interrupted by a short drama, the script of which reads something like this: Act I: Bull. Act II: Shiiiiit!!! “Those guys have a screw loose,” says Darren Robertson, taking a sip of Monster energy drink while taking a shot at kamikaze cowboys…

Sit ‘Em, Cowboy!

There’s at least one guy in our regular poker game who could probably play Cowboy Poker, and not because he drinks a lot. No, not all. Yep, another cowboys column. But in this week’s paper version of Unfair Park I write not about Cowboys who catch pigskins, but rather cowboys…

Time For Some Mo Hockey? Already?

Mike Modano says he’s seeing Willa Ford “exclusively.” Either that means they’re getting married or about to break up. Seems like it was just yesterday we were burying your punchless, pathetic Dallas Stars after another first-round flameout in the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs. Actually, it was 111 days ago. But…

Somber Success

Bill Parcells always has that end-of-the-world demeanor. The missus says he “looks like the world’s most depressed man” and suggested myriad medications. “I’m feeling sick right now, literally,” Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells said after last night’s nationally televised game against the Washington Redskins. “With all the mistakes we made,…

Heisman Hand-off

Given the starts to UT and Vince Young’s respective seasons, well, let’s pretend it’s still 2005 and the Longhorns are rolling toward the title. Because this year, not so much. I know, you’re sick of Michelle Wie talking about wanting to play in a Ryder Cup and then going out…

Let Bygones Be…Hey!

Two things we’ve learned about Terrell Owens: He can catch a football. And he can hold a grudge. In my cover story on Owens’ first training camp as a Dallas Cowboy, he talks about being “done” with former Eagles teammate Donovan McNabb. In last week’s ESPN The Magazine, Owens’ first…

Duane’s Debacle

Since Bill Parcells won’t, let me be perfectly clear: Drew Bledsoe’s three-interception pratfall in Jacksonville last Sunday did not create or ignite this Dallas Cowboys quarterback controversy. Neither did those damned media. Duane did. How’s that, you ask? Harken back to January 1 and recall what Duane “Bill” Parcells didn’t…

99 Problems But T.O. Ain’t One

When two of the NFL’s top three most valuable franchises play at Texas Stadium Sunday night, a lot will be riding on the outcome. Like, for example, the season. Only once in the franchise’s 46-year history have the Dallas Cowboys started 0-2 and made the playoffs. That was back in…

Mess on Mockingbird

While former Dallas-area quarterbacks are leading ranked teams to record performances, SMU’s Justin Willis is suffering through life on the Hilltop. Willis, the former standout at Denton Ryan High School, threw for a paltry 112 yards and was benched during Saturday’s abysmal 24-6 loss to North Texas. Meanwhile, former Southlake…

Fat Ain’t Phat

Or Is It? Shella Sattler is hot. She is a former cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys and Los Angeles Clippers. She could pretty much seduce any guy in Dallas. But you know what? Shella craves fat dudes. Weird I know, but there’s a twist. Isn’t there always? When she’s not…

Chicken Little Suits Up

The Cowboys lost for a bunch of reasons Sunday. Chief among ’em? This guy. So much for 16-0. Your Dallas Cowboys have been playing football since 1960. After Sunday’s 24-17 loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars , poof, another chance at an undefeated season wasted. Here in Dallas, of course, the…

Re: Little Ball of Huh?

I just got a call from ESPN 103.3 FM station manager Peter Dits, who tried to explain the station’s decision to choose Jennifer Engel over Steve Dennis. “We made the decision to build the show around Jennifer,” Dits says. “Steve has a lot of talent, and hopefully he’ll stay around…

Little Ball of Huh?

Today’s sign of the apocalypse: Airing now on ESPN 103.3 FM, The new Little Ball of Hate Show. What earlier this week was a decent and maturing Dennis & Engel combo has abruptly deteriorated into a one-woman act with the surprise firing of Steve Dennis. The 9 a.m.-noon slot on…