An Open Letter to Klyde Warren

Welcome to Alice Column, in which Alice Laussade writes stories about things on (roughly) the same day of (roughly) every week, making it (roughly) a column. Got an idea for a column? Start your own blog and write it up, you lazy shit. Dearest The Klyde Warren, It’s my hope…

Are Burritos Supposed to Explode?

Dear Mexican: You have defended illegal immigrants by arguing that they will do the jobs gabachos won’t do for the same wages. I agree. I have a white-collar job, so I’m totally content to benefit from the low prices brought about by an uneducated underclass unprotected by American labor laws,…

CDC Offers Weak Numbers on West Nile Spraying

Wait. Take five. That’s all I’m asking. As we approach mosquito season in Dallas, the conversation about aerial spraying for West Nile once again begins to sound like free beer day at the ballpark. Last week The Dallas Morning News published a story with a triumphal tone saying, “Aerial spraying…

How to Talk to Strangers

She worked the room with a certain kind of magic. A blonde, tiny slip of a thing, she walked from table to table greeting each guest. Sometimes offering a small token, sometimes complimenting a patron, and generally just being effusively charming. I knew she didn’t own the place because she…

How Do We Convert From Christian Rock to Indie Rock?

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…

Fire Mary Suhm? Not a Chance, Because the Big Money Likes Her.

Over the weekend I have been chatting with people who were all counting on their fingers. Does City Manager Mary Suhm take a powder over this month’s gas drilling revelations? No. They were counting their fingers secretly and spoke to me only off the record, because they know they can’t…

What Dallas Can Learn from Detroit

Every once in while I can’t resist inflaming the tri-cornered hat don’t-tread-on-me set out there by saying nice things about Detroit. Whenever I sing praises to my hometown of many yesteryears, I get such a nice bounce out of the people who need Detroit to serve as their 21st century…

Suddenly, I’m Half-Mexican. Now What?

Dear Mexican: I’m 39. My stepdad — who raised me — just died. This freed my mother to tell me (Stepdad always forbade it) that the man I thought was my biological father all this time was not. The man who IS my biological father is Mexican. What does finding…

Wishes Come True in Dallas

Who says wishes don’t come true? Last year, as I thought what could I do more of in this town in the new year, a few things came to mind. A Riff Raff live performance. Check, thank to March’s South by So What bill. A late-night coffee option where I…

How to Get the Press to Pay Attention to Your Band

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…