Six Ways to Ramen: How to Class-Up the Staple of Cheap College Food

If you’re not broke in college, then you’re not doing it right. It’s mandatory, like puking at the coast. College students should be able to pull together a weekend’s worth of food and gas via a bone marrow donation and condiments at a 7-Eleven. They should also know stores that take several days to deposit checks in order to float a little cash. It’s all about learning to “leverage debt,” which is a trade you’ll need after you graduate.

Until then, we’ve pulled out grandma’s recipe book for six stunning bowls of Maruchan Ramen to get your through the semester.

Each recipe uses a package of chicken flavored ramen noodles as the base. Don’t be trapped by the flavor packet. Work outside the packet. Consider the noodles as a blank canvas and condiment bars and perhaps very small amounts of thievery as enhancements. All the ingredients for each dish cost less than a dollar.

Crazy Sauce Ramen

This recipe uses the surprisingly spicy bread stick “Crazy Sauce” from Little Cesar’s pizza, which costs 96 cents.

Directions: Follow direction for cooking noodles. Toss flavor packet in a drawer to use some other time. Drain all water from the noodles which are now “pasta,” top with red sauce and a packet of Parmesan cheese.

Personal tasting notes: Crazy Sauce is surprisingly thick and spicy. You’ll need at least 10 Altoids after eating this. *****

Prison Ramen

Two hots and a cot. No phone calls, deadlines or clothes to iron. It ain’t all bad. Shit just happens sometimes. Here’s a staple the folks behind bars have created.

Directions: Take a bag of Cheetos Puffs (two for $1) and smash them until they’re a fine powder. Then add the packet of chicken flavoring to the bag of Cheetos powder. Cook noodles in two cups of water. Add all the noodles and water to bag. Stir and shake to mix. You may or may not be able to eat out of bag; sometimes it leaks.

Personal tasting notes: I know you judged this dish. And for that, you should apologize now. I had four different adults with highly distinguished palates taste this and they all said, “That’s actually pretty good.” This bowl of creamy yet tangy cheese and chicken pasta soup will help you make new friends anywhere.

Pad Thai Ramen

The only thing this dish was lacked was proper heat, as in spice. I should have planned better. So, when you make this, find some heat to add to it.

Directions: Cook soup as instructed. Add a tablespoon of crunchy peanut butter and three packets of soy sauce that you got from any number of places or found in a random kitchen drawer somewhere. Mix them all together. Pow! Pad Thai Ramen!

Personal tasting notes: If I had to pick a least favorite, it might be this one, although it was still good. It just needed something else for an added layer of flavor. But, still a solid creative option for a Tuesday night in the dorm. *****

Pho Ramen

Why don’t we make pho with ramen noodles more often? Another question, why is basil always sold in bunches, which usually costs a couple dollars? What if I just need two leaves? So, maybe invest in a basil plant and pick a leaf as you need it. Then, if you allocate the cost across the meals, we’re well under a dollar. I bought one fresh jalapeño and you can get the lime and cilantro at a Taco Cabaña salsa bar.

Directions: Cook the ramen as directed. Tear apart one basil leaf in big chunks, then sprinkle it along with cilantro over bowl of ramen. Squeeze lime(s) and toss in four or five slices of jalapenos.

Personal tasting notes: Notice how I didn’t stir in the MSG/chicken packet, but instead let each ingredient have it’s own neighborhood? The peppers are keepin’ it real on the south side and a big basil leaf is in the northeast. It makes the bowl feel important. Mixed together, I kid you not, you could serve this at Thanksgiving dinner and you’d get a standing ovation.

Manchego Ramen

The cheese guys/gals at Whole Foods will gladly slice off any amount of cheese, no matter how small. Show no shame in asking for a dollars worth. This 3-month manchego is $9.99 a pound and I purchased 0.13 of a pound for this dish, which cost $1.30.

Directions: Do your ramen noodles thing, then — pay close attention here — drain the water out of the cup, so that you’re left with a bowl of chicken flavored pasta. Yum. Shred or cut-up the manchego and stir in while pasta is hot so that it melts. Save a little of the cheese for top for a nice touch.

Personal tasting notes: I’m getting sick of ramen at this point, but this is better then any bowl of cheesy cheap pasta I ever had in college. Even better than Cici’s. *****

Ramen a la Mexicana

(Photo at top)

If you never thought staples of Mexican condiments could make a good pasta dish, you’ve been sadly mistaken. Fresh salsa from Taco Cabaña, or their pico de gallo, is key to this dish. Also, I used half my fresh pepper from the pho to add more heat.

Directions: Again, cook the ramen and add the chicken flavor packet, but drain the water. The MSG sticks to the noodles, so it’s still packs a lot of flavor. Toss cilantro, jalapeños and salsa on top, then squeeze a little lime. All done.

Personal tasting notes: If I’d been as smart in college as I am now, I might have eaten this every day. The flavor from the fresh salsa leads on the palate, followed by the MSG-chicken broth. The heat from the peppers jazzes things up, like a party in your mouth.