Getting to Know Edgefest Bands Via Haikus

This weekend, Pizza Hut Park in Frisco will host Edgefest 17, an all-day, three-stage concert featuring some of the biggest names in alt-rock.

If you like the bands that KDGE-102.1 FM plays ad nauseam, you’ll absolutely love this lineup. Your only problem will be convincing your parents to shell out $49.50 per ticket and drive you there.

Because this is the 17th year of Edgefest, we figured we’d preview the show by describing each act on the first and second stages in haiku form. Why haiku? Well, a haiku’s 5-7-5 scheme adds up to 17 syllables. And that sounded like as good a reason as any.

First Stage

3 DOORS DOWN

Post-grunge should be banned

“Kryptonite” is aptly named

It drains my life force

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

Started out emo

Then tried to turn into Queen

At least they’re sincere

BLUE OCTOBER

Boring frat-rock failed

So they bought some eyeliner

Their fans are suckers

SEETHER

“Can’t fight the Seether”

Remember Veruca Salt?

Forget this band too

PUDDLE OF MUDD

Extra D for “Dumb”

More regurgitated grunge

Nickelback meets Creed

CHEVELLE

Christians—yes or no?

Who cares? They suck either way

Tool for sheltered dorks

FINGER ELEVEN

These guys can’t decide

Who they want to imitate:

Staind or Jars of Clay?

FILTER

“Hey, Man, Nice Shot” ruled

Finally, a decent band

Just a decade late

MISER

Bland, generic rock

Pretty boys with jailbait fans

Why cover “Zombie”?

Second Stage

STORY OF THE YEAR

Alt-rock with street teams

Manufactured fashioncore

Focus-grouped screamo

ATREYU

Ooh, they cuss. Badass!

Better not let Mom hear this

Hot Topic metal

10 YEARS

Chunka-chunk guitars

Melodramatic singing

Butt-rock from Knoxville

SICK PUPPIES

Dreadful, soulless rock

“Free Hugs” video is sweet

If the sound’s turned off

DRIVE BY

Cheesy, but not bad

Teen angst and bombastic rock

Nice guitar parts too

DRIVE A

15-year-old punks

Feisty L.A. rock with heart

Should headline this mess