Water guns
When Buzz got its water bill from Dallas Water Utilities, we were surprised to find inside it the informative pamphlet "Licensed to carry a handgun: Please read these reminders."

And once again our noses were rubbed in the nitpicking provisos and impediments to those of us who legally pack concealed heat, including, in bold face, the reminder from the folks on Marilla, "It is illegal to carry a firearm on city property."

Relax guys, the bill wasn't that high. But we'd recommend the Water Works folks include one more reminder: If you see an intruder in your backyard who appears to be molesting water meter, HOLD YOUR FIRE!"

Allah H. Christ!
It's so darn Christian of The Dallas Morning News. Every time one of those exotic little religions--like Judaism or Islam--proclaims a holiday, the News writes a cute story about it. Sure, it's pretty much the same story every year, but it's nice in that patronizing News way. Like on Passover this year, the News made its annual attempt at sucking up to the Jewish community with the headline, "Ritual Reflections: Passover Seders bring back warm memories on holiday likened to 'Jewish Thanksgiving.'"

Just once we'd like to see the headline, "Christmas: The Christian Hanukkah!" or "Lent, the Christians' answer to Ramadan."

Train lore
With wisdom in such short supply worldwide, we were bowled over to find it in our own backyard--out of the offices of DART, no less. OK, so the multimillion-dollar DART Rail system that will haul tens of people from the outskirts of Dallas into the city's moribund core isn't the most brilliant idea Buzz has heard. Still, DART's list of safety tips for enjoying your train ride more than makes up for that Grand Coulee Dam price tag.

For instance: "Be careful turning across train tracks--it's where most accidents happen."

Or: "Don't stand on the tracks or step in front of a train--they may not see you and can't stop in time."

DART promises that if you mind these safety tips and avoid dismemberment, "You will enjoy all that DART Rail has to offer."

A well-stocked club car might help.
As Safe T Rex, DART's educational mascot says, "Think. Don't become extinct." A word to the wise for kids and DART bureaucrats alike.

Wrapped in conundrum
Buzz's head is still spinning after reading Dallas Morning News writer Ellen Sweets' Today section story about Enigma, one of those kooky-koncept local restaurants. The only enigma at work here is just where Sweets was going with this story. True to DMN form, readers had to wade through nine full paragraphs of breathless prose pumping the restaurant's attributes before learning that the owners have a history of late tax payments, and--according to a former employee quoted by Sweets--a track record of bouncing paychecks. So what was it? A flowery free ad, or a tepid attempt at a takedown of the restaurant's management?

Or just another Belo journalistic enigma.

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.