Throw the book at 'em
It had to happen. The information revolution has collided with the last bastion of the printed word. Fed up with the disturbance to its more literate patrons, the Renner-Frankford branch of the Dallas Public Library has expelled cellular telephones. The Far North Dallas library has slapped signs on the tables exiling cel phone gabbers to the lobby.

Buzz recommends that cel phone users retaliate by calling Department of Public Safety troopers to inform on commuters who read behind the wheel on the way to work.

Going up?
Buzz prediction: Ella Patterson, Dallas Observer-anointed Goddess of Love, soon will be spreading her gospel of good sex to an international audience. The DeSoto teacher-turned-author is in New York right now shopping her popular, self-published sex manual, Will the Real Women...Please Stand Up around to publishing houses.

Patterson's book is a comprehensive, earthy--and often hilarious--guide to female sensuality and sex, including tips on hygiene and sexual exercises. Buzz was especially intrigued by games like "Strip Dominoes," "Find the Cherry," and "oral sex on the elevator of the tallest building in your city." Considering she's visiting the home of the World Trade Center towers and Empire State Building, Ella could come home one exhausted Love Goddess.

The New York trip came just a week after the author signed with Jan Miller's Dupree, Miller and Associates literary agency. Still, Patterson, who has sold more than 50,000 copies of Real Women by word of mouth, is wary about turning the book over to someone else to print and distribute. "I don't want to be sitting around," she says, "not doing anything."

TV's united stand
Is it just us or does it seem like every nut with a weird political agenda is trying to cut deals with the media these days?

First, the Unabomber gets at least part of his neo-Luddite manifesto printed in the Washington Post and The New York Times. Smut lord Bob Guccione had already offered the technology-hating killer a regular column.

Now Dallas' jug-eared political juggernaut Ross Perot is trying to cut a television deal for his geezer club United We Stand. Channels 4, 5, 8, and 11 turned down flat the "three-for-one" deal that involved trading three broadcast stories about United We Stand for a one-on-one Perot interview.

Ironically, it's likely that United We Stand will get its three stories--and more--from the stations on its "Preparing Our Country for the 21st Century" political conference that begins August 11. The local stations, properly, just don't want to cut a quid-pro-quo deal with the peevish and manipulative Perot.

Buzz is perpetually hungry for tips. You can call us at 757-8439 or fax to 757-8593 or email to or [email protected]. If you remain true to your Smith Corona, Buzz accepts parchment at P.O. Box 190289, Dallas, 75219.

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