Fifth Time's the Charm

Fifth time's the charm: It's the holidays, a season to be charitable, so it's just plain wrong to crack jokes at the expense of people who choose to get married during this joyous month. Yessiree, that would not be nice at all. It would be Grinch-like. Mean.

Oh, go ahead and snicker, you heartless bastards. Buzz, meanwhile, wishes all happiness to police Chief David Kunkle and KTVT-Channel 11 reporter Sarah Dodd, who plan to marry this Friday in the Caribbean. Sure, it's his fifth time to wed, and he was just divorced from wife No. 4 in October, but we choose not to be cynical here. Married five times? Why, that's a sign of boundless optimism, isn't it? A cynic might say it's pathological, in-need-of-serious-medication optimism, but not us. No way.

Only a mean person would ask if they'll change the "till death do you part" phrase of the ceremony to "till, like, whenever, dude." That's just cruel.

Some people might even recall a quote about male-female relationships from the novel Paper Moon: "From now on, you ought to buy it. It's cheaper that way." But only bad people would say it, even if it's kind of true.

Speaking of quotes, we won't even mention this one from our September 28 news story about Kunkle and Dodd's budding romance: "'I don't know what the nature of it is,' he says about his relationship with Dodd, which he says began after he filed for divorce in August. 'We do some things together. I don't know if we'll be seeing each other a week from now.'"

Hold onto that thought, you say? Shame on you. Be nice.

We honor marriage here at the Dallas Observer. We mean marriage between those of the opposite sex, of course, because if you let gay people wed, that would just cheapen a sacred institution. Unlike, say, getting married five times. There is absolutely nothing cheap about getting married five frickin' times.

That's why we'd never, ever suggest wedding presents for the couple along the lines of "His" and "Whoever" towels, a label maker, a set of reusable packing boxes or a gift certificate from U-Haul. Such tawdry shots are beneath us.

So we say congrats and bless you, David and Sarah. All the best. You're Dallas' Liz and, wait, that's not cool...Pam and Kid, that's not good either...K-Fed and Britney...

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Patrick Williams is editor-in-chief of the Dallas Observer.
Contact: Patrick Williams

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