This is the type of weirdness that the re-boot of Dallas has created. The show premieres tonight on TNT -- we'll see you at the Angelika, right? -- and in celebration, the channel and Groupon are giving away a deal that a journalism school grad turned Groupon copywriter predictably felt compelled to describe as "Texas-sized."
So in case you felt like kidnapping your girlfriend for a weekend and forcing her to spend hours at Southfork looking at "autographed memorabilia" while wearing a bolo tie and getting "Ewing" added to her surname (to establish "secret family alliances," natch), here's your one and only chance.
Don't mess this up, guys. Otherwise, she'll be compelled to feign disappointment and then spend the weekend just watching the damn show on TV, a much lower-energy endeavor that doesn't require being fondled at DFW Airport.
And really: the "camera-ready" makeover and the dinner at Fearings and the chauffered SUV are all lovely, we're sure. But a $500 shopping spree at "Ewing-worthy" shops? Five-hundred bucks? We don't know what Ewing-worthy means, exactly, but we're guessing $500 in one of those places buys you a monogrammed J.R. hankie and not much else.
Pretty dated, TNT. Almost as dated as describing the Ewings as "America's greediest, most notorious heirs." We've gotten a few better real-life contenders lately for super-rich, super-villainous families, don't you think?