For another week, we watchAmerica's Next Top Model
so you don't have to. That, right there? That's a solid. So then, to commence with the recapping.
Last night's episode began with the de rigueur reality-show open that dates back to the late 1940s, wherein those contestants with families tell their roomies how much they miss their babies (wanh) and how they're sure their babies won't recognize their mommy models upon their return to, like, real reality. At which point Tyra Banks walks in (OMG, commence screaming, OMG!!!) to tell everyone: Makeover! Now their babies will never recognize them!
For Wisp (Dallas's own Ann, size negative), Tyra said her redo had "to do with exaggeration." And Wisp looked at her with those huge clueless-Keane eyes (of no fault of her own) and smile-mouthed, "'K." Little Sister (Chris of the Arlington siblings) was ordered to start removing her braids immediately. Big Sister (Terra of the Arlington siblings) was told that the focus would remain on her luscious lips.
Like all the best teachers who are inexplicably compelled to one-up their novice students, Tyra then "came out of retirement" to throw down a bouncy, circa-1991 catwalk for no reason before disappearing like a jodhpur-wearing Mary Poppins. That's when this episode of America's Next Top Model really got entertaining. Later, at Fred Segal Salon...
Wisp received a coppery dye job and super-super-long extensions. She felt like the waist-length hair exaggerated her height, making her stand out and amping up her "modeling potential." (So that's what it takes.) And then the duckling began to love herself, posed in white underwear and silver heels and became a top swandel.
Squeezing out juicy tears to match her luscious lips, Big Sister, shorn of her locks, started crying. Baby. Little Sis worked her new "Beyonce weave" and was proud that one couldn't procure such a quality product like hers just anywhere. She posed for her "after" shot like she was feelin' solid gold .. .or at least Star Search. Then, twist: A girl would be dispatched based on the makeover reactions and accompanying photoshoot.
Spoiler alert: Back to Arlington, Terra of Tarrant County! Hurricane Harbor needs your crocodile tears, stat! Jay Manuel, of the silver-haired Manuels, explained with just a smidge of artificial sweetener that they were concerned Terra didn't believe she even belonged in the competition. She said she wanted more time to show them. No. Sorry. And take these scraps of hair with you.
To the next day's challenge!
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Little Sis Chris had men to make uncomfortable -- "Man meat, yes!" she exclaimed when presented with male models and a harness rig on the beach. (These plays on "high" fashion are going to get so old.) The models were instructed to channel their inner fallen angel, which clearly stumbled, drunkenly, up the steps to a La Bare.
Chris said she missed her sis, but whatevs -- she knew she'd be the one left there to win the competition. Face! And with that she was hoisted into the air, feather headdress a-blowing to embody a "heartbroken" angel. Wisp was challenged to convey "longing" and got to wear the big awesome wings she had been coveting the whole time. She admitted to not having much experience in the boy department, so she was nervous, timid .. so, so 'fraid.
The judging panel featured the usual suspects plus Emmy-winner Patricia Field (of Sex and the City styling fame). Andre Leon Talley compared Ann to high fashion model Penelope Tree -- an incredible compliment or joke? Yes! Wisp pulled out another "best photo of the week."
Next week: sea creature photo shoot.