I see it this way: If you selfishly keep Valentine's Day as yours, go to Purgatory Saturday night at 10 to check out the Lingerie Football League's Dallas Desire. If you graciously give Valentine's Day as hers, go to Smucker's Stars on Ice Saturday afternoon at 3 at American Airlines Center.
I won't pretend to like ice skating for anything other than taut booties and peek-a-boo skirts - oh and double salchows, I loves me some double salchows! - but when you get the chance to chat with an Olympic medalist you hop to it.
Cohen, 25, lives in Laguna Niguel, California and won a silver medal at the 2006 Winter Olympics. She's single. She looks like this.
And the coolest part?
Sasha Cohen answers her own cell phone:
Me: Okay, I'll bite, what the heck is the Smucker's Stars on Ice?
Her: It's a variety entertainment show for the whole family. Lots of transitions and audience participation and speed and jumping and energy. Everyone loves it!
Me: Does somebody win? Do we even keep score?
Her: (Laughs) No. Most of us are competitive skaters, but this is the same show every night featuring different group members and seven scene changes. We all play characters.
Me: Totally lost me. Um, who you dating? I'm sure you have a Valentine's sweetheart?
Her: (Giggling) Unfortunately not right now. I'm dating some different people, but nobody special.
Me: (Jaw ajar. Awkward silence.)
Me: Right. So are you done with competitive skating? Is this your new "career"?
Her: I'm hoping to skate in the next Olympics, but I won't make an official decision until June.
Me: How does this tour keep your competitive juices flowing if it's just a "show"?
Her: (Not laughing nor giggling) Well, like I said, it's a very innovative show with a lot of creative numbers you haven't seen before. We like to see how far we can push it as far as acrobatics and choreography. It's very challenging and very rewarding.
Me: So, didja see Blades of Glory?
Her: Yes, I thought it was great. Really funny. And half of it was totally true. That's what made it so funny.
Me: I guess you know that lots of people watch ice skating just because of the tiny dresses and sleek outfits?
Her: (Laughing) You know, our fashion has kind of evolved along with pop culture. Movie stars' dresses are much sexier today and, sure, sex appeal has a place in our sport, too.
Me: This is a little awkward, but my readers and I think you're very cute. Okay, hot. Matter of fact, you were No. 3 on my blog's recent list of the hottest female athletes on the planet. That's really not a question, but ...
Her: That's so cool. Awesome! I'm flattered. Who was No. 1?
Me: Anna Kournikova.
Her: Oh yes, very pretty. But isn't she retired?
Me: Don't you blaspheme in my house!
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to the Observer's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Dallas's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Me: See you the 14th.
Her: I hope so!
Me: I love you!
Her: (Dial tone.)