There's something in the water. Or something (rumbling) underground. Something that's driven us all, everyone who lives in North Texas' ever-expanding web, quite mad. One of the best things about our shared condition is the verbal insanity it so often inspires. Without further ado, here are
Unfair Park's the Dallas Observer News Vertical's favorite lines of the year:
"He's one of the real leaders on this team & he earns it. That's the kind of thing that inspires." — Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones on Cowboys defensive end Greg Hardy. Hardy, who probably beat the hell out of an ex-girlfriend, had just physically confronted wide receiver Dez Bryant on the sideline.
"We must have more careful review and thoughtful discourse on this proposal to make sure it doesn’t allow men in women’s restrooms, or worse." — State Senator Don Huffines, totally not getting the city of Dallas clarifying its anti-discrimination ordinance.
"I don't hate you. I don't like your religion, and I don't even classify it as a religion." — a Farmersville resident complains about the potential of a cemetery for Muslims being built somewhere near his town.
"This isn't a game, this is reality and these are our rights that they're playing with. I don't know if they forgot what their duty is, but it's to protect the Constitution, and let me remind you, going against the Constitution is treason and, my friend, that is punishable by death." — Open Carry Tarrant County's Kory Watkins, mad that the version of open carry that would end up being passed by the Legislature would require people to be licensed to carry a handgun if they want to walk around with one on their hip.
"[We] appreciate the partnership in allowing the opportunity for our moms to have a better family and quality of life for our children who are the future of tomorrow." — District 6 Dallas City Council member Monica Alonzo lauding a $40,000 grant that will help uninsured Dallas kids get insured. She re-invoked the "future of tomorrow" line talking about why she supports moving a cement plant near Thomas Edison Middle School.
"I'm as transparent about this as I can be. My hope is that this will finally convince DPD to ignore marijuana. That is my goal, that they will ignore marijuana. I know that I don't have the power to legalize the stuff, but I do have the power to correctly allocate criminal justice resources that are under my control so that they aren't spent on pot." — Dallas City Council member Philip Kingston, leaving absolutely no doubt as to where he stands on marijuana prosecution.
"I tell ya, anybody that was in that meeting would've left there, first of all, impressed by his great charisma, by his grasp of the issues, but also the fact that he's in it to win it." — First Baptist Dallas Pastor Robert Jeffress after laying hands on and praying for GOP presidential front runner Donald Trump.
"This is the worst boondoggle imaginable, and it's time to get serious about developing southern Dallas. Think of what we can do with this money and the opportunity cost. This thing has been nothing but a sales job based on some watercolors. Fancy watercolors. It's time now to just kill this road and get on with business." — Dallas City Council member Scott Griggs, hammering the Trinity toll road. (Start the video at around the 41-minute mark.)
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"There will never be a nigger in SAE. There will never be a nigger in SAE. There will never be a nigger in SAE. You can hang 'em from a tree, but they'll never sign with me. There will never be a nigger in SAE." — Jesuit College Prep grad Parker Rice, leading his Sigma Alpha Epsilon brothers and their dates in a chant on the way to a country club social near the University of Oklahoma.
"I suspect that gays in loving, committed relationships also would find this type of advertising offensive. It sends exactly the wrong message, given what’s happening politically across the nation. The timing could not be worse. The ad really is not about gays and straights. It’s an advertisement for blatant, unbridled promiscuity of the most dangerous kind." — The Dallas Morning News' Tod Robberson, hot and bothered on the paper's opinion blog about a Deep Ellum billboard for squirt.org, a gay-focused dating website.
“When folks decide they want to have good chicken … they need to know where to find our good chicken places.” — Former City Council member Dwaine Caraway, describing one of the reasons he's taking on incumbent John Wiley Price in their Dallas County Commissioner race. He's all about connecting the dots, you see.