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'The Patrick Ewing of Suing' And His Fantastical Kardashian/Mark Cuban Fantasy Foursome Bounced From Court

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Gino Romano, alias Jonathan Lee Riches, alias Johnny Suenami, sued the Kardashian sisters, Kris Jenner, Lamar Odom and Mark Cuban in federal court. Why? Because they're trying to kill him. Because he has a sex tape involving the Kardashians and Cuban. Because he witnessed it all from an air duct in the American Airlines Center during a Mavericks game.

It's ridiculous, not even remotely true, somewhat entertaining and par for the course when it comes to Riches, America's most vexatious litigator. He's filed some 3,700 federal suits and just finished a bid for wire fraud in a Kentucky prison. This complaint met the same end as the others last week. Judges aren't amused by such frivolity, no matter how richly imagined, and Paul D. Stickney stuck Riches with a $100 fine for filing under a false name and for generally wasting his time. His complaint, set in all caps, of course, is worth a read.

Riches was watching the game from a suite next to Cuban's, naturally, when he overheard the Mavs owner tell Kris Jenner and the Kardashians that he was going to release Odom because "HIS BALL SKILLZ SUCK." He would keep him for the rest of the season, however, if Khloe, Kim and Kourtney would make a sex tape with him. Jenner volunteered helpfully to videotape the encounter, which took place inside a mop closet.

Meanwhile, our protagonist creeps through the ventilation system. He says he "WITNESSED MARK CUBAN MAKING LOVE WITH KIM KARDSHIAN WHILE KHLOE WAS IN A DOMINITRIX OUTFIT AND THEY ALL HANDCUFFED EACHOTHER AND HAD SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WHILE KRIS JENNER FILMED IT AND I PULLED OUT MY I-PHONE AND FILMED IT AND KRIS JENNER CALLED ON VERIZON AND TOLD HER TO COME JOIN, AND KOURTNEY ARRIVED WITHIN MINUTES AND MARK CUBAN HAD SEX WITH KOURTNEY, AND I SNEEZED IN THE VENT, THEN THE DEFENDANTS LOOKED UP AND SAW ME, KIM KARDASHIAN YELLED "GET HIM" "DON'T LET HIM ESCAPE WITH THAT SEX TAPE" AND I SPEED CRAWLED OUT OF THE VENT AND RAN OUT OF AMERICAN AIRLINES CENTER AND ESCAPED (sic basically everything)," the complaint reads.

Romano gave a copy of the tape to his "BEST FRIEND," Riches. The two were tracked down by the Kardashians at a Nashville McDonald's, where they narrowly escaped once again. Since then, Romano has lived on the run, a marked man. What's more, he says he has proof that Cuban got Kourtney pregnant. Sorry, Scott Disick.

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