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This weekend, all the prophecies were confirmed. Ice fell from the sky, vehicles careened into cars and trees and off bridges, children were loosed from their schools — all exactly as it had been written.
WFAA weather oracle Pete Delkus watched with smug satisfaction as, one by one, his predictions were confirmed. He’d always been good, but this was uncanny.
Then, in the umpteenth hour of poring over hypnotically colored weather maps, nerves frayed by a surfeit of caffeine and a massive sleep deficit, it hit him: What if those weren’t just predictions. What if he was actually controlling the weather?
And so, Pete Delkus transcended mere meteorology and ascended into the pantheon.
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See also: Pete Delkus Found Your Lack of Faith Disturbing and Your Sarcasm Annoying
It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment this happened, but the transformation was becoming evident by early Sunday afternoon. Note the use of the first-person pronoun in this tweet:
Here, in what at the time seemed an act of hubris, he becomes some sort of weather event:
By Sunday evening, he’d begun demanding that his followers worship him as a deity.
Even the Baptists are convinced:
Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.
