Audio By Carbonatix
Dallas is a funny place. After you’ve lived here long enough, you’ll grow a strange combination of love and hatred for this place. You’ll also begin to understand the importance of name dropping. If you’re new to town, here’s your humble-bragging how-to. If you don’t want to look like a philistine at your next cocktail party, rely on this Dallasbabble and people will think you belong here. And if that’s your goal, who are we to judge?
Arts District
When someone asks you where you’re coming from, tell them you were just strolling through the Arts District. See any good art? No, of course not, you respond, I was just there to admire the architecture.
The Bushes
Have you been making art with the former president? Did you use Wikipedia images as sources of inspiration?
Mark Cuban
Tell people that you’re the reason Marky Mark saved the Greenville St. Paddy’s Day parade. They’ll want to make out with you when they’re drunk. Promise.
Pete Delkus
Bring up his sleeves. Buttoned = skies are clear. Rolled up = apocalypse.
J.R. Ewing
Oil tycoon. Southfork Ranch. RIP Larry Hagman.
Dean Fearing
Try to get this out without puking: “When last I dined at Fearing’s and I ran into Owen Wilson. It was deeevine, dahhhling.”
Gilley’s
Last night, I was SO wasted that I went to Gilley’s. And it wasn’t even for a concert.
Sam Horowitz
The only 13-year-old you should ever admit to partying with.
Icepocalypse
OMG, do you remember Super Bowl XLV? There was SOOOO much snow and ice on the roads. Like, at least one inch.
Jerry Jones
Whatever you do, don’t bring up Super Bowl XLV.
Patrick Kennedy
Want to tear down a few highways? How many times can you use the word “walkable” in a sentence?
Sam Lao
You were hanging out with the sexy queen of Dallas hip hop? Hashtag jealous.
Peter Mayhew
The world’s favorite wookiee lives in Boyd, Texas.
Dirk Nowitzski
Never use his full name, it’s just Dirk. (No one here can pronounce “NohV-it-ski.”) Alternatively, he will accept Dirk Diggler, The German Wunderkind,The Germanator, Dunking Deutschman.
Lee Harvey Oswald
If I need to explain this one, go stick your head in a toilet.
John Wiley Price
He told you to go to hell? Welcome to Dallas, whitey.
Quixotic World
Need a quick way to prove you’re not an uptowner? Pull this offbeat Deep Ellum joint out of the back pocket of your ripped jeans.
Mayor Rawlings
You’ll never believe it, but last night when we were hanging out, Mikey wanted to order Domino’s.
Jim Schutze
You stopped by the Observer office last week to see if Schutze really does come to work in a bathrobe, carrying a shotgun. (Yes. Yes, he does.)
The Toadies
Sure, millenials may not know what Possum Kingdom is really about, but you do and that should make you feel cool. And old.
Upstream Color
I’m just going to stay in today and watch Shane Carruth’s abstract masterpiece. Because, it reaches my soul, man.
St. Vincent
Just because you went to Lake Highlands doesn’t mean you were friends with Annie Clark.
Klyde Warren
If you’re looking for community service hours, why not help out everybody’s favorite Dallas pre-teen clean up his namesake deck park?
Xchange
Did you attend the Nasher Sculpture Center’s 10th birthday party?
Yu Darvish
Just don’t be a dickbag and sing Soulja Boy when he walks into the room. Be chill, man.
Jaap Van Zweden
His biggest fans call him Uncle Jaap… or maybe that’s just me.
