Each week, the Cheap Bastard goes looking for a new place to eat a meal for less than nine million dollars. This week, she checked out the Green House food truck, which sounds strangely healthy for Alice. For the truck’s locations, check out this website. Minutes I waited for my…
When Gizmodo posted about this Lucky Charms Sifter the other day, we realized there are a ton of equally helpful food tools that need to be invented ASAFP. Here are five badass food tools we want in our hands in the nearest future:…
Monday night is Halloween. Which means it’s time to start thinking about what you’ll be handing out to the little ones this year. If you’re awesome, we know you’ll be the house with the king-size Snickers bars and the werewolf droppings. But if you hate kids and you’re also the…
Cane Rosso just tweeted that they have some badass, brand new hipster bingo coasters. Prepare to enjoy your next time in Deep Ellum times a millionty. (Also, not sure if you knew, but I’m pretty sure the rule is that every time you get a bingo you get to punch…
Each week, the Cheap Bastard goes looking for a new place to eat a meal for less than nine million dollars. This week, she stops by Lucia, where getting out for less than that might require some creativity. Cool spoon chandelier count: 1 Jealous people eating shit at home while…
Dearest St. Louis Cardinals, City of Ate heard you’re heading to town to play a game or two of baseball with our Texas Rangers, and we would like to take a moment to welcome you to our fair city!! Hi!! Welcome! We like your pants! We know that being a…
Today is Snoop Dogg’s 40th birthday. Of course he’s already been celebrating this birthday for days (most likely because he’s so focused on making sure people know, “No, it’s spelled D-O-double-G,” that he has zero time to worry about what fuckin’ day it is). We know you’re super worried about…
You find yourself in the drive-through line at the Starbucks. You’re not necessarily proud of choosing Starbucks over White Rock Coffee or Pearl Cup, but it’s early, they’re convenient and you’re an un-coffee-ed bitch who needs a fix right now dammit stop judging. You yell your coffee order at the…
Other people eating breakfast for lunch count: 5 Level of weirdness felt when “Let’s Get It Started” by the Black Eyed Peas played on the speakers in this old-school diner: 4 out of 5 I’m drawn to open restaurants with deserted parking lots like Glee is drawn to sucking. Like…
Candy corn, I hate you. Mainly because — and I’m going to be blunt here — you fucking suck. You taste like pre-digested marshmallows and Sweet Vanilla Shit Meadow Febreze had a flavor baby. You’re punishment candy. People who give out candy corn on Halloween would be better off giving…
Yesterday I had the honor of judging at the 2011 State Fair of Texas Bacon and Eggs contest. Yeah, be so jealous. There were six categories for competition: bacon appetizer, bacon entree, bacon dessert, egg appetizer, egg entree and egg dessert. I walked into the Creative Arts building just as…
Each week, the Cheap Bastard goes looking for a new place to eat lunch for less than nine million dollars. This week: Urbano Cafe. Number of available parking spots in front of the restaurant: -∞ Hungry people sitting at tables waiting for their food and giving me the stink-eye as…
If you’re going to the State Fair of Texas, it’s a given that you have to try the fried bubble gum and fried salsa and definitely obviously the fried buffalo chicken in a flapjack on a stick, plus all the other fried foods that were Big Tex Choice Awards finalists…
Bitches don’t like to hunt for parking spaces when they’re hungry. And by “bitches,” I mean “me.” It pisses me off when restaurants build themselves and don’t build parking spots. “Hey, let’s open a restaurant that serves up super delicious food in Dallas! How many parking spots? I dunno, let’s…
Debbie Hays, from BW’s Famous Fried Ribs at the State Fair of Texas, tells me she’s been serving up fried ribs at the fair for 24 years. Twenty-four freaking years? How the dong have I never had these things? Hays says, “Seriously, how have you not tried them? They’re not…
Island Spot is a new vendor at the State Fair of Texas this year and along with this open-flame-grilled jerk chicken, jerk sausage (note: it’s on the menu as “jerk sausage,” not “the hand job” or “the hanje”) and jerk tofu (for all you vegetarians), they’re serving up — wait…
Minted.com is currently running a promotion for free mommy business cards, offering you 25 cards free (you just have to pay for shipping). If you have a kid, you’ve seen these at the playground. I once had a woman proposition me with one of these while I was shopping at…
The AP reported Monday that the creator of Doritos, Arch West, passed away in Dallas on Tuesday. West’s daughter told the Dallas Morning News that the family plans on “tossing Doritos chips in before they put dirt over the urn.” We’re so sad to hear about the passing of the…
This year, Denise Garza (with her sister Norma and her niece Roxanne) made it to the second round of the Big Tex Choice Awards with Heavenly Deep-Fried Brownies. While the concept of frying a brownie isn’t completely new to this fair (last year, Abel Gonzales Jr. made it to the…
Oh, these fried praline sweet potato poppers weren’t finalists in this year’s Big Tex Choice Awards? That makes total sense. TO NOBODY!!!!!! Kyle Wall, inventor of these fried lovelies, said that he guessed fair officials thought this idea “wasn’t weird enough to be in the competition.” I could almost praline…
Ho. Lee. Fried garnishes for your cocktails. Christi Erpillo, the supreme mega fried badass who brought us those glorious, award-winning fried peaches in 2009, just gave every wine-box-chugging lady American the only thing she’s ever wanted at the fair: wine plus fried. The photo of these beverages doesn’t do the…
Last week, my friend told me about a batch of cookies she made with Oreo cookies crumbled inside them. “It’s a cookie in a cookie!” Pretty impressive. But what would obviously be more impressive? We had to fry it. (begin Ghostbusters parody) “Who you gonna call? FRIED JESUS!!” It would…
