Do You Believe in Miracles?

We all know the story of Helen Keller, how the three-legged little girl learned to say the quadratic equation under the watchful tutelage of Annie Sullivan, despite the fact that she had three legs. Magical. But the Dallas Children’s Theater makes bold assertions in their new production of The Miracle…

The Family Vultures

Seems a bit like the title of an upcoming Texas-set dramedy at the Richardson Theatre Centre is a little outdated: Daddy’s Dyin’, Who’s Got the Will? Do people even pay attention to wills these days? Legal documents are, like, so 1983 or something. But now that everybody’s suing everybody for…

Skin-Deep

My chin and forehead are pressed against a white plastic apparatus that is, presumably, sterile. Jaime, the pretty woman in the black scrub-like garments, did wipe the diagnostic bubble down with a couple of moist towelettes before I stuck my head in it, so I’m feeling pretty good about what’s…

Rancho Del Art

Ah, modern civilization. Could any of its wonders and technological advancements have been possible if people hadn’t forged great alliances? What if nacho chips and cheese had never come together? Imagine the horror we would endure every day if someone, somewhere, hadn’t realized that Wendy’s chocolate shakes and french fries…

Bop and Awe

Behold! He who has ears to hear, let him hear: The Doodlebops cometh. The peppy trio, armed with guitars, keyboards and drums, are coming to save the immortal souls of your children in the blessed name of music education. Gather ’round the Doodlebops and be amazed by their costumes of…

Hot For Housewares

As we age, our tastes change. While the eau de vinyl records and Pearl Light beer used to really get us charged up, these days we get excited about bathroom fixtures, great curtains and stainless steel appliances. Ah, to be a grownup. No longer tempted by rows of freshly minted…

Sexytime

What is the science of sexy? Is it that Miracle of Life video you had to watch in junior high? Science, sure, but we’re not so sure about the live birth bit at the end. Coulda done without. How about the Victoria’s Secret fashion show? Sexy, sure, but do you…

Try, Try, Try Again

Three is supposed to be the magic number, and the third time’s reportedly the charm, so when an asbestos-related wrongful-death lawsuit makes its third turn through the Dallas County courts this year, maybe the verdict will finally stick. The suit, which blames Atlanta-based building materials manufacturer Georgia-Pacific for the 2003…

Girls Will Be Boys

In a dark, smoky room echoing with the Euro-pop stylings of girl group T.A.T.U., I look up from my beer to see two hot girls making out. Buxom, blond women really sucking face like they mean it. And in schoolgirl uniforms! But these aren’t the half-assed snogs of girls hoping…

Cheerio Mate!

Quick, be an Englishman! Do your Cockney damnedest! Chances are, you just straightened up a bit, acquired an invisible monocle and said something like, “Right ho, Jeeves!” Or, if you’re the type of person who doesn’t take orders from a newspaper article, you just kept reading to find out what…

The Ghost of Uptown Present

New Year’s Eve is bound to suck, right? Do you really want to go to another lame condo party in Uptown, do some lines off the latest issue of Luxe and end up screwing that cocktail waitress from the Candle Room? Eff that! This December 31, you gotta know the…

Crying for Clooney

The Good German is a noir-style romance-thriller-mystery set in post-World War II Berlin. Shot in black and white and full of references to the Potsdam Peace Conference, allies and the Russian Zone, it’s the perfect flick for the history buff. Especially one with kids. The film’s being shown as a…

Get Real

Now that divorce is common and kids often grow up being shuttled between two houses, it’s easy to become disheartened about the chances of finding true love, but for the hopeless romantics among us, no challenge is too great when it comes to finding The One. Which is why, if…

Up on the High Life

Scientists are now saying that the average age at which a person is considered a grown-up is rising. Some say 22. Some say 26. We say never, and it looks like the good people at the Art Prostitute gallery agree with us. The latest exhibit, Low Tech High Life, features…

Stop the Wedding

The first rule of Al Green is that you do not talk about Al Green. At least, not when somebody’s already doing that in the music section of this very same issue of this very paper in anticipation of his upcoming concert with Etta James and Delbert McClinton. So we…

Poverty Doesn’t Suck

Bent over a shelf of aging vinyl, Johnny Lloyd Rollins adds another record to his stack of take-home goodies. He’s got a $20 bill in his pocket, and he wants to get the maximum amount of Disney for his buck. Rollins has struck gold: a Robin Hood picture disc, vivid…

Paging McDreamy

The magnificent aroma had but to waft enticingly around my olfactory receptors, and I was seduced. The bubbly sound of plastic on plastic sent my senses into overdrive. Ravenous, I pulled the Lean Cuisine from the microwave, tore the clear wrap off my partitioned Salisbury steak and macaroni and cheese…

Strike Anywhere!

Ah, those long, lost days of pyromania. Remember when setting stuff on fire was, like, pretty funny and stuff? Nothing was safe in junior high—paper plates, hairspray, small woodland creatures. But now you’re a grown-up, and there are no more various small fires for you. Unless you go to the…

Onward, Christian Soldiers

At the Honor Academy, a 400-acre evangelical, non-accredited Christian school just outside Tyler, serious questions of theology involving Jesus, hell and Walt Disney are being tossed around this morning. The last five minutes of David Hasz’s “Making of a Leader” lecture are reserved for questions from the 500-student class. A…

Erotic City

What do you do to prepare yourself for an erotic evening? Take a hot bath? Spend a few minutes with a bottle of your favorite sweet-smelling lotion? Well, get on it, because the “hottest erotic fantasy novelist since [best-selling erotica writer] Zane,” N.M. Shabazz, is coming to town. Imagine screaming…

Bump and Grimes

Techno music churns throughout the room, weaving around Japanese businessmen, bouncing off greasy-haired guys from Long Island and assaulting my ears with its incessant bass thump. To me, the loud music is the most distracting thing in the room. My guy friends, seated at the other end of our booth,…

Message From Kismet

OMG! U guyz r like totally not gunna believe this, but if ur over 21, u kan totally get CHEEP DRINKZ @ Kismet Lounge if ur MySpace friends with them! It’s like, MySpace iz totally kewl and Kismet iz totally kewl, so if u put them 2gether, u get one…