If I ever need to find something in Lakewood, I automatically factor in 15 minutes for getting lost. Somehow, Greenville Avenue is Munger Street, Junius Street does this weird end-then-start-again-five-feet-north thing and Abrams starts veering off into Neverland. A mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in an oh-my-god-these-houses-are-gorgeous. The best…
Like many college students, when 23-year-old Susan Arnold heads to a party with her sorority sisters, she goes straight for the boys. But instead of coming armed with a mini-skirt, ridiculously high heels and a fetching shade of lip gloss, Arnold ends up capturing the attention of the opposite sex…
On the surface, Suzi Matthews’ most recent exhibition of collage work, small clone, seems innocuous enough. She cuts up numbers from her dad’s company’s catalogs and glues them back together in pretty patterns. If you need artsy-fartsy validation for why this is cool, then consider this: Her dad made guitar…
Teen and ‘tween girls spend a lot of time daydreaming about boys. I spent many years doing it myself. One object of my affection: a super-cute older guy in my church youth group named David Hopkins. Also a daydreamer is Emily Edison, whose creator—that very same David Hopkins (What’s up,…
There are some words that just sound dirty, no matter what, even if they’re not actually dirty words. Like “ficus.” You don’t want just anyone putting their mouth on your ficus, do you? And “phalanges.” If someone touched your phalanges without your permission, wouldn’t you feel violated? Or “Orangina,” which…
If we didn’t need children to give Walt Disney a marketing demographic, thereby employing thousands of people, I could do without the little turds. They smell bad, and they ask way too many questions. But I’m not about to get all King Herod on the collective child ass and call…
The French are a cruel, heartless people—just look at how they ruthlessly withhold man’s right to put ketchup on his filet mignon. The Southern Methodist University French Club is continuing the tradition with the latest showing in their French film festival: Qui A Tue Bambi? It translates to “Who Killed…
Hear ye, hear ye! Gather ’round and rejoice ye North Texans, for ’tis a wond’rous time in the Year of Our Lord 2006: It’s the season for Scarborough Motha-effin’ Ren Fest, bitches! Bust out your corsets (pun intended), your man-tights, your bigass turkey legs and mugs o’ mead, because somebody’s…
As always, college is getting more expensive. Not only is tuition skyrocketing, but students need more and more costly necessities to get by, such as iPods and laptop computers. If your college of choice is in Dallas, you’ll also want to shell out for a decent fake ID or risk…
You know what would really stimulate my tastebuds? Getting a little edible sample of Robert Langdon, the dashing hero of Dan Brown’s The DaVinci Code. I bet he tastes like intellectual candy with a hint of suspenseful twang, coupled with a dash of airport-stand deliciousness. Hey, don’t look at me…
Gone are the days of innocent Barbie play. Now, kids have those Bratz dolls—which are basically hoes-in-training—and Little Ashley ends up at an oral sex party at age 11. It was only a matter of time before the advent of My Own Private Diva, which bodes the end of civilization…
My dad has liked two movies in the history of movies. One of them is The Bourne Identity. He watches it over and over. The other movie my dad likes is Body Heat. I’ve never seen him watch Body Heat. Sometimes at dinner, he talks about how he’s going to…
There are all kinds of things that pop up in my everyday life to remind me that of the 50 percent of the Beatles left on Earth, 50 percent of that 50 percent are lame. I’m looking at you, Ringo. Paul’s the only thing I have left—and what is he…
I’m a lot of things, but I ain’t frontin’. I don’t try to be sumpin’ I’m not. I ain’t got nothin’ to hide…unlike the City of Plano. Our northerly suburban neighbors would have you believe not only that they know how to read but that they celebrate the activity to…
Keep it: The Federal Emergency Management Agency began its audit of aid money doled out to victims of Hurricanes Katrina/Rita/Wilma last week, but if you are one of the people who used FEMA debit cards to buy booze, tattoos, sex toys or a trip to a massage parlor in Dallas…
IN THE MOVIES, Hogwarts castle is a towering Gothic monument to magical education, with Harry Potter and the rest of J.K. Rowling’s young wizards traipsing across the expansive school grounds. Set against the foggy, mountainous backdrop of Scotland, the boarding school features secret passageways that contain dangerous monsters, moving staircases…
According to Homies online resource www.homies.tv, which has the 411 on the miniature figurines, the word “chuco” is short for “pachuco,” a “low-riding, zoot suit-wearing Chicano from the ’40s and ’50s.” This is relevant because it allows those of us not familiar with postwar Latino slang to better understand the…
NBA Development League team the Fort Worth Flyers play the Arkansas Rimrockers this week. I’m not sure what rimrocking actually is, but I’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet that you can get your rim personally rocked at any of the following places: on a mountain in 1963 with Heath…
What’s the difference between good porn and bad porn? Is it lighting? Is it sound editing? Is it a great set of…actors? Sure, all of those things come into play, but ultimately the difference, in my opinion, between good porn and bad porn is your ability to see the porn…
Writer, director, producer and actor Tyler Perry wins the perfect attendance award. The plays and movies featuring his cross-dressing alter ego, Madea, have become runaway box-office hits with black women older than 35, raking in more than $155 million over the past several years. Three performances of his latest show,…
Art is all about coming up with something new with which to excite the imagination of one’s audience. Thus, you’ll have to forgive me if my mind is less than stimulated by an art exhibit titled New Paintings. I guess it’s better than Paintings, Slightly Worn, but in VG Condition…
That J.K. Rowling hussy has nothing on bad-ass mofo Arthur Miller, who understands what it’s like to be a witch from the wrong side of the tracks. All Harry, Ron, Hermione and the Hogwarts crew do is flit around on their little brooms with their little house elves and silly…
