Dear Mexican: Not sure if this has been asked before, but how do you feel about Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio? I think the guy’s a fucking racist who’s just out to get Mexicans to fulfill his racist agenda. He’s been relevant lately due to the protests in Arizona against Section…

Dear Readers: Before we move on to your spicy preguntas, a bit of housecleaning. Primeramente, gracias to all the Know Nothings who responded to my 100-word-essay challenge asking them to justify loving legal Mexicans but not the illegal ones; I will publish the best entries on the April Fools’ edición…

Dear Mexican: I believe that the words people use to describe other people, intentionally or unintentionally, reflect their political values. But I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, so I write to you. You described César Chávez as hating “illegals” in a previous column, and as being…

Dear Mexican: What is the deal with Mexican denial when it comes to dealing with child sexual abuse? I know counselors who tell me that it’s a big problem trying to get Mexican families to admit and confront this. In my own experience, I have seen my Mexican relatives be…

Dear Mexican: I have a question from one Mexican to another: Why do gabachos think we know everything about plants? During conversations with the estadounidenses, I will get asked about plants, pruning, how to keep roses alive, etc. I understand many of my compatriotas working over here are gardeners (and…

Dear Mexican: I can’t tell you how disappointed I’ve been these past few days, as a U.S. citizen and ciudadano mexicano, how I’ve been seeing more and more stories about los narcos and how the Mexican government keeps getting screwed over in newspapers. I think that you should dedicate a…

Dear Mexican: I am a naturalized (legal) hispano in the U.S., and I just realized what the “illegal” craze is about. What immigrant-bashing citizens are trying to protect here are people like…me. Consider what this concerned woman said to John McCain during a public meeting in New Hampshire last year…

Dear Mexican: Mi hermano y yo tenemos un dispute. We all know that Mexicans love their bistec sliced muy thin, but why? My brother is adamant that the diet of free-range vacas mexicanas results in tough meat, necessitating a thin slice for easy mastication. I think the reason is purely…

Dear Mexican: What is it with César Chávez? Recently in Dallas, we’ve gone through three attempts to name streets after Mr. Chávez. In one instance, the plan was to remove the name of two brothers who were city founders from a street named after them and rename the street César…

Dear Mexican: I’m a Spanish teacher, and I’ve been hearing my students say a phrase that I am unsure what it means (if it truly means anything, which they swear it does). They say it’s a Mexican saying: Tiki tu madre. I don’t know what “tiki” means. So, I was…

Editor’s note: The Mexican is taking the holiday week off, so this week’s column is a rerun of one of his favorites from 2007. Dear Mexican: How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, José becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo…

Dear Mexican: I was driving home on old King Road in San Jose, California, where a bunch of Mexicans live, and I noticed that almost every house has their Christmas lights still hanging from the rafters and reindeer and Santa Claus decorations weathered by the hot sun on the roofs…

Dear Readers: A couple of columnas ago, I published a short list of my favorite books regarding Mexicans and Mexican-Americans and urged ustedes to submit better choices so that gabachos can have a Christmas shopping list for their favorite Mexicans, or to understand nosotros better. Muchos responded, and below is…

Dear Mexican: Many times, as I cross the border into the United States, I see bald cholos buying images (posters, blankets, baby bibs) of Al Pacino in Scarface. Where does such an obsession for this ugly Cuban come from? Is Tony Montana replacing la Virgencita de Guadalupe in cholos’ living…

Dear Mexican: Why is it that those of us who oppose illegal immigration are called racist by many Mexicans? Personally, I think Hispanic people are a beautiful and diverse people who contribute tremendously to our culture (and spicy-hot as well!). At the same time I oppose illegals who wander across…

Dear Mexican: I hear all the time that 12 million illegal immigrants live in the United States. Is that true? Who counted them? How did they do it? Is there a turnstile at the border tallying up illegals and stamping their hands with neon glowing cartoon characters so they can…

Dear Mexican: I recently received the biography of Rolling Stones bassist Ronnie Woods. While reading about his friendship with Jimi Hendrix, Ronnie described him as part black, Cherokee and Mexican. I’ve always read about Jimi’s grandmother being Cherokee, but this was the first I read about him being Mexican. I…

Dear Mexican: In a column some time ago, you mentioned the Aztec prophecy claiming that “their descendants would reclaim ancestral lands in the southwest U.S., and guess what.” I’d appreciate it if you shed a little light on this statement. This is the mythical state of Aztlán you’re referring to,…

Dear Readers: So your presidential candidate lost (congratulations; McBama! Our condolences, O’Cain. Damn early deadlines…), and you can’t bear the thought of living under his opponent’s reign for the next cuatro years. Fear not: The other side of America’s bullshit sandwich will save you! The Mexican hereby turns this column…

Dear Mexican: I know you’ve been asked variations of this before, but I’m going to ask you again anyway. I’m a gay white guy, and I’ve had three relationships with Mexican men in the last seven years. Each lasted from three to six months. This past relationship actually lasted a…

Dear Mexican: One of our Arizona politicians once said on the PBS show Horizonte that the “crime” of being undocumented in this country is equivalent legally to that of a parking ticket. Do you know where I can verify this statement? So often in the argument over immigration the bottom…

Dear Mexican: A group of very young soldiers in the Mexican Army were being chased through the castle by U.S. Marines. At the end of the chase, the Mexicans realized they were trapped on a balcony and, instead of dying on bayonets, they wrapped themselves in Mexican flags and leapt…