Dear readers: My recent column regarding the dissimilarities between Scots and Mexicans provoked a surprising amount of angry responses—by real Scotsmen furious that letter writer Great Scot could be so pendejo. Here’s the best reader carta: Having just read Great Scot’s question and your response, I can’t help but think…

Dear Readers: The paperback version of my book is out in stores now, cheap enough so that even a Guatemalan can afford it. Buy, por favor! Now, on to the preguntas… Dear Mexican: Whenever I see the television show COPS, the white folks pull over and hope no one searches…

Dear Mexican: Consider the similarities between my people, the Celtic Scots, and yours, the Hispanic Mexicans. Both our people trace roots back to Spain. We sailed north to the British Isles and mixed with the aboriginals to become the Scots; you sailed west to mix with the aboriginal Americans. The…

Dear Readers: The paperback version of my book is out in stores now, cheap enough so that even a Guatemalan can afford it. Buy, por favor! Now, on to the preguntas… Dear Mexican: Lately, I’ve been hearing how punks and metalheads in Mexico are trying to beat up emos because…

Dear Mexican: I work at a Seattle-based company, and our customer service department uses a phone tree system that asks all callers to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish and a few other numbers for commonly spoken languages in our area. I handle customer complaints as part of my…

Dear Mexican: Sitting on my desk is a levy from the Internal Revenue Service for more than $12,000 in unpaid taxes. Turns out some dude used my Social Security number for two years in Albuquerque to get paid and didn’t bother to pay taxes. It’s taken me plenty in time…

Dear Readers: Belated April Fools’, amigos! So many of you fell for my hoax of a farewell column last week (don’t any of you know that the feast day of St. Melito falls on April 1?) that I’m compelled to actually call it quits just to bask in your love…

Dear Mexican: I’m a gay man in his mid-30s who has always loved Mexican men. And this question is not only from my experience, but also that of friends: Why is it that Mexican men are so flaky? They seem the top offending ethnicity in this. And by flaky, I…

I am an illegal alien that just turned 18. Is there anything I can do to become a legal alien besides deportation or marrying a U.S. citizen? —Wetback Who Wants to Dry His Back Dear Wab: Go back to Mexico—seriously. Section 212(a)(9)(B)(iii)(I) of the United States Immigration and Nationality Act…

Dear Mexican: Mexicans are angry that the United States might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these Mexicans. Let’s say I break into your house. Let’s say…

Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans have padrinos for everything? I never understood why, can you help me out? —The Godfather Fan Dear Wab: Many gabachos have long wondered about the galaxy of godparents that surround Mexicans from birth to death, but it’s no misterio. Ostensibly, godparents (padrino is a godfather,…

Why won’t Mexicans vote for a black man? —Hillary Hater Dear Readers: Dozens of ustedes have sent the above question since the Iowa caucuses, forwarded mainstream media reports on this supposed phenomenon and cringed with me when pundits took as gospel Hillary Clinton pollster Sergio Bendixen’s assertion to the New…

Dear Mexican: Why do you suppose Mexico has such a hard time getting its act together? It has vast natural resources, good climate, natural ports, super-generous and good-looking neighbors and plenty of laborers who seem to be willing to do all sorts of crappy jobs. But instead of having a…

Dear Mexican: My parents were Greeks who legally immigrated to the United States in 1920. When it became harder for Greeks to immigrate, they began to jump ship in New York. My father referred to them as “bananas—fresh off the boat,” but it was mostly an affectionate name. The Greek community took care…

Dear Mexican: After working with Mexicans for years, I have noticed that Mexican men have a double standard when it comes to homosexuality. Why is it that the “giver” is not regarded as being just as equally gay as the “receiver”? —El Vaquero Dear Cowboy Gabacho: I think all heterosexual…

Dear readers: Mucho feedback from ustedes regarding recent questions about archetypical Mexican dogs and the propensity of wabs to D.U.I. Let’s empezar with the doggies: You’re right about Chihuahuas. Crazy, tough dogs. I’m a dog rescuer (www.geocities.com/st-roch), and we once found a Chihuahua in a box by the side of…

Dear Mexican: At a weekly Doors tribute band gig, I’ve noticed the majority of the crowd is Mexican. I swear, sometimes it seems like the crowd missed the exit to the Lupillo Rivera show or a Maná concert. Never realized Jim Morrison was the equal of Morrissey and Charles Bronson…

Dear Mexican: The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that Mexican-Americans have the highest proportion of D.U.I.’s and alcohol-related traffic fatalities of any ethnic group (60 percent as opposed to 40 percent for Caucasians—they’re even substantially higher than any other Latino group). I apologize that this question isn’t wisecracky, but…

Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on page 54, it says on the left side of the page in verse…

Dear Mexican: As everyone knows, dogs seem to reflect their master’s personality. Likewise, the breeds invented by a nation say a lot about that nation. Germans bred the German shepherd and the Rottweiler: smart, loyal, faithful, yet a little cold and not the kind of dogs you want to piss…

I apologize for the shortened column this week, but there are tamales to make… Dear Readers, Gracias, thank you, gracias for another successful year. The Mexican now appears in 32 newspapers across the country, with a weekly circulation of just more than 2 million! As more readers join the Reconquista,…

Dear Mexican: U.S. citizens are sick and tired that for more than 40 years, Latin American elites have lived like monarchs because they pimp their poor to American businesses for cheap labor that American taxpayers have been forced to subsidize with health care, food, housing, education and so forth, costing…