Dear Mexican: I grant you a magic wand. Now, tell me—how do we right the wrongs of Sam Houston and Manifest Destiny? Is it to correct his legacy and call out the crimes and recognize the victims? Or should the land be given back? What is it, my fellow American?…
Dear Mexican: I’m a blanquita, and I’ve recently begun dating a CALIENTE mexicano. I adore this man. The first time we were intimate, I noticed his necklace (which I had always assumed to be a rosary) was a name necklace…a WOMAN’S name necklace. He says that his mami gave it…
Dear Readers: Rather than me punk ustedes with a prank, I give you the cruelest joke of all—ex-congressman and eternal Know Nothing Tom Tancredo! In return for his graciously allowing us to debate in Denver last year, I’ve allowed him to answer two questions of my choosing, with no editorial…
Dear Mexican: I often pick up the Albuquerque Alibi to read your babosadas. Now, let me get this straight: You appear to be a bright guy who claims to have the Mexican people all figured out, right? To you, we are all 5 feet 6 inches tall, medium-complexioned and we…
Dear Mexican: Why is it que cada vez that I talk to a Hispanic (not many Mexicans in New York, yet), it seems that they have a fantasma that they think lives in their house? I know that Carlos Mencia has used this in his material, but I wonder if…
Dear Mexican: When the Second World War ended, the Germans and Japanese had to return all territories they had acquired by force. The United States acquired most of the West by force from Mexico, due to the war with Mexico. Agreed the United States won the war with Mexico, but…
Dear Mexican: I am a mocha-skinned woman with long, curly hair and dark-brown eyes. Puerto Ricans always ask if I am Puerto Rican, Dominicans just come and start speaking Spanish, Cubans ask if my abuelita made good arroz con leche, but Mexicans know I’m black. What gives? —La Morena Dear…
How come everything Mexican jumps? They got jumping cars, they jump the fence, and Mexican jumping beans. —Confused Gabacho Dear Gabacho: You forgot the Mexican hat dance, lucha libre, the voladores of Papantla that fling themselves from 100-foot poles, Acapulco’s cliff divers and our preferred way to deal with schoolyard…
Dear Mexican: I’m a white, rural, ninth-generation Texan who left the farm and is now a lawyer for a large corporation in one of the largest cities in the state. Maybe a quarter of the clients they assign me speak Spanish, so the company’s paying for me to learn Spanish…
Dear Readers: Although many of you have loved and/or loathed my columna for years, the Mexican still finds new readers every week in the unlikeliest of spots (hola, Chattanooga! See you in August, inshallah!). As a result, I sometimes receive questions about the methodology of the column, questions all of…
Dear Mexican: My gabacho friends look at me askance for being a gabacho who enjoys mariachi music. They, and even some of my Mexican friends, run and hide when I go a step further and start listening to the mournful ballads of Vicente Fernandez, backed up by—you guessed it—a mariachi…
Dear Mexican: A few years ago, I moved to Tucson. In said city, I noticed that there were little piles of stuff accumulated on the medians of the main roads. It looks like what was Dia de la Muertos paraphernalia—I’m not so gringo as to not know what’s up. These…
Dear Mexican: I’m not Mexican, but I get mad when the gabachos in my town say that all Mexican girls do is take drugs and get pregnant, drop out of school and end up on welfare. I know a lot of Mexican women who haven’t done any of these things,…
Dear Mexican: Read your column in the Village Voice and am hoping you can help me. I think I have a Mexican problem. In short, I have a home in sunny California on a property with an abundance of agave cactus and century plants growing along the street. Every year…
Dear Mexican: I was today alerted to the problem of trash dumped on the Sonoran Desert in Arizona and am trying to track down more articles about the issue. That is how I found you. There are lots and lots of piles of trash—looks like clothes—in a wash in Arizona…
Dear Readers: Wish I could say I was back on the rancho, but you know how that drug war of ours (both Mexican and American) is going, so the Mexican decided to stay home for the holidays for the first time in decades. Besides, there’s too much work at mano…
Dear Mexican: I live in a moderately fancy-ass suburb of Dallas, am super-white and make decent money. Naturally, I have a Mexican gardener/lawn dude who works his ass off, has 14 brothers and sisters in Guanajuato, employs all his relatives, etc. He also has a sweet wife and three little…
Dear Mexican: Someone wrote you a while back wondering why Mexicans have made a mess of their beautiful country. You got all bent out of shape because he called Mexico a Third World country instead of a “bottom tier” First World country. I think you missed the point of the…
Dear Mexican: Why can AeroMexico Airlines fly through any kind of weather conditions to get to and from the United States, but any kind of little ice sprinkle or heavy wind and domestic airlines in the United States cancel two days’ worth of flights? For two consecutive winters, I’ve had…
Dear Mexican: This güero downloaded the Arizona S.B. 1070 bill, did a search on the document for “Mexicans,” and did not come up with a single hit. What’s up with that? So, since you are such an acknowledged expert at pointing out Mexican-hating here in the American Southwest (your words,…
Dear Mexican: I am a mutt. My father’s father was an illegal immigrant from Mexico. My mother’s father was an illegal immigrant from Ireland. My surname is Mexican and is usually mispronounced by gabachos and pendejos alike. I look more Irish than Mexican. And as my father never spoke it…
Dear Mexican: I’m thinking of moving to Mexico. I’m a first-generation mexicano. Speaking with my parents about moving, they’re absolutely against it, insisting that it’s violent and that I should be proud of being an American. I’m not looking to lose my American-ness, but just want to add some more…
