Loose Is Fast

Everything I know about NASCAR I learned from Days of Thunder and my mother. Despite repeated viewings of the trials and tribulations of Cole Trickle (as portrayed by Tom Cruise), the sport just never caught my interest once I grew too old to play with toy cars (although I still…

Against the Wind

For a time in the late ’70s, Forrest Gump just ran. Why? Because he felt like RUNNING. I, myself have a similar philosophy about eating… However, for many children around the world, this isn’t an option–which is why thousands of runners the world over are joining Kenyan world record holder…

Spoon Man

The 244 poems in Edgar Lee Masters’ Spoon River Anthology, the tale of a fictional Illinois town as told through the stories of its dead residents, were originally published in serial form between 1915 and 1916. Though they may be fictional, these autobiographical epitaphs contain more than their fair share…

Pike’s Peak

It’s not my job to tell you how bad Patrice Pike’s music is…it’s my pleasure. After all, it’s not her job to suck, either, but she does so voraciously and with pride. For the last decade, Pike has peddled her uniquely generic brand of crappy modern rock to audiences, first…

Dreadful

The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs forever cemented Stephin Merritt’s place among indie-rock royalty, earning countless spots on collegiate mix tapes with songs like “I Don’t Want to Get Over You,” “Papa Was A Rodeo” and “Let’s Pretend We’re Bunny Rabbits” (“Let’s pretend we’re bunny rabbits/let’s do it all day…

Dreadful

The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs forever cemented Stephin Merritt’s place among indie-rock royalty, earning countless spots on collegiate mix tapes with songs like “I Don’t Want to Get Over You,” “Papa Was A Rodeo” and “Let’s Pretend We’re Bunny Rabbits” (“Let’s pretend we’re bunny rabbits/let’s do it all day…

Spinning Sombreros

When I was a kid, nothing spiced up a school assembly quicker than a little Ballet Folklorico. Some hand claps, some stomping, some pretty dresses twirling, some cool embroidered pants, some sexually suggestive dances, some sombreros—all way more interesting than your average principal’s speech. Our high school even had its…

ET Phone Home

Like many people, I’m thoroughly convinced that John Tesh is an alien. Who else but an alien would think to write the whitest theme song in history (“Roundball Rock”) for America’s blackest sport (basketball)? “It just came into my head. So I called my message machine and sang the chorus…

Bleeding Orange and Red

For much of the time I attended the University of Texas, corn dogs made me sick to my stomach (and I love corn dogs). You see, the bitter taste of defeat can ruin even the most perfectly designed of State Fair delicacies—and defeat was just the dish the Oklahoma Sooners…

Oh, What a Night

I don’t have a daughter, but if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t take her to anything called “Little Ladies Night Out.” For an etiquette class, the event’s press release sure could use a lesson in manners—”Transform your little girl into a little lady at Firehouse. Firehouse introduces a…

Into the Woods

Most Dallasites don’t even know the Great Trinity Forest exists. In fact, the largest urban hardwood forest in the nation lies just south of downtown, where it encompasses some 6,200 acres along the shores of White Rock Creek. The Great Trinity Forest, a new exhibition at Sun to Moon Gallery…

Old School

Steve Harvey is one impeccably groomed dude, always clad in a perfectly tailored suit (often with a matching hat), every hair in place, his giant teeth glistening as he laughs heartily at his own jokes. Considering how much upkeep his look probably requires, it’s likely the comedian (known best for…

Magnolia Electric Co.

Jason Molina might be a funny guy in person, but on record he’s a manic-depressive for the ages, alternating between mid-tempo anthems of loneliness and lo-fi acoustic dirges so desolate they could have been recorded in the stairwell at a mental hospital. On Fading Trails (his third studio album under…

Drag Show

Illegal drag racing is about the dumbest thing ever. Why anyone would want to hang out in a parking lot on Northwest Highway with a bunch of morons in pimped-out Honda Civics is beyond me. The fact that your hobby is the basis of two films starring Paul Walker (and…

I Still Miss Someone

Johnny Cash had the kind of voice that is oft-imitated but never duplicated, a rich, booming baritone perfectly fitting for a true giant of American music. Sure, Joaquin Phoenix did an admirable job of portraying the country legend in Walk the Line, nailing Cash’s persona and onstage mannerisms, but his…

Skunk Streak

While I certainly respect her skills with a guitar, Bonnie Raitt’s songs have never really given me “something to talk about.” Her hair, however, is a different story. A sparkling red mane accented by a streak of gray, Raitt’s mop has long sported a color scheme found more often on…

Festivus for the Rest of Us

Last week, for the first time in its five-year existence, we neglected to attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival, opting instead to take in several acts as they stopped by Dallas en route to Austin. Sure, the life-changing Sufjan Stevens and Cat Power sets we caught were better than…

Rebel Yell

America has always been fascinated by the rebels that permeate our pop landscape. James Dean, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Tom Waits, Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, the Bandit, the Fonz, Dylan McKay—we love ’em all, and those are just the ones with sideburns. Local artist Mary Ann Turner shares this fascination;…

Priestly Duty

Retired Bishop John Shelby Spong is one of the most controversial figures in all of Christianity, a liberal theologian who believes Christianity must evolve to survive, which means letting go of many beliefs contradicted by the findings of modern science. He’s also one of the foremost proponents of gay rights…

Cat Power and the Memphis Rhythm Band

“It’s a dream come true, period. ‘Cause I’m sober now…I’ve never been sober, you know.” Chan (pronounced Shaun) Marshall, the artist commonly known as Cat Power, is poolside in Los Angeles awaiting the start of her fall tour, a jaunt that will take her from New York to Mexico City,…

Get A-Rouse-d

A comedy club is simply no place for “safe” comedy—that’s what Jay Leno and afternoon Comedy Central are for. See, when I shell out a $15 or $20 cover (plus the two-item minimum), I want to hear the kind of foul-mouthed subversion that would make a suburban soccer mom cry…

Just Like Heaven

“Hey dude, how’s that Pokey O’s ice cream sandwich with the mint chocolate chip Blue Bell and the oatmeal cinnamon cookies?” “Oh, it’s only heaven!” “Man, what was it like getting backstage at the White Stripes show and playing checkers with Meg White?” “Only heaven, dude!” “Honey, did you enjoy…