Enough for a ticket? It’s easy to think Fredrick “Lico” Reyes is joking when he tells you he’s suing the Texas Rangers for 35 bucks. Hard to take seriously a man who sends legal documents accompanied by photos of himself dressed as a construction worker (named Manuel Labor) and a…

Was it something we said? For the record, we here at the Dallas Observer do not have cooties. OK, maybe that statement is a bit broad. Let’s just say that none of the people we let speak on our behalf in public has cooties as far as Buzz knows. So…

Observer to U.S.A.: Don’t hate us Seems we’ve done more harm than good. That is, if you believe the dozens of readers who have sent us thank-you notes in recent weeks, expressing their gratitude for getting Rocco Pendola fired from KTCK-AM (1310). Now, we never took credit for getting Pendola…

Love for sale Coming up with high-quality, industrial-strength humor week after week is not easy. It takes wit. It takes diligence. It takes bribes. But sometimes God and the fax machine provide the straight lines just when the well runs dry. The latest manna from heaven comes from “soul mate…

Is everybody happy? It took some time, some help from Dallas City Councilman Al Lipscomb, and complaints from one royally P.O.’d resident, but at last someone at City Hall has decided that having semis rumbling through a city park is not a good idea. Seems obvious, you say? You poor…

On a bill and a prayer Texas legislators appear to be taking kindly to the complimentary subscription to the Dallas Observer they began receiving this year. Some say they actually are reading the articles, even the long ones. One story causing a stir in Austin is “Holy Handouts” (January 21)…

Dysfunction junction “Are you a member of the NAACP? If not, why not?” asks the voice of Dallas branch not-quite President Lee Alcorn on his office answering machine. Good question. Here’s a good answer: because our own family is plenty dysfunctional. We don’t need to pay dues to join another…

Good council hard to find Watch out. Buzz is getting literary again. This time it’s Flannery O’Connor, who wrote: “She would of been a good woman if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life.” A psychotic killer in the short story “A Good Man…

More or less First comes the disclaimer: Buzz is not exactly a business whiz. Our long-term financial strategy is this: Earn money. Spend it. Borrow more money. Spend it too. Die young. So we’re probably not the best source to glean useful information from the 1998 annual report of A.H…

Model citizen Proving that nothing inspires good citizenship like running for office, District 2 city council candidate Pete Vaca has finally paid off more than $1,800 in back taxes to the city. Vaca, whose name means “cow” in Spanish, hoofed it (rim shot) down to the city tax office on…

Wishful thinking If you can’t beat him, find him a new job. That seems to be the strategy among Mayor Ron Kirk’s opponents, who continue to float Kirk’s name for a variety of jobs–other than mayor, of course. The Dallas Morning News last week reported rumors that Kirk is considering…

Al’s pals Anonymous sources within U.S. Attorney Paul Coggins’ office say he is angry at how The Dallas Morning News is covering the federal bribery indictment against city council member Al Lipscomb. Those close to the case call the reporting “just bullshit.” “They’re doing ‘[a] day in the life of…

Ahem. We don’t mean to brag (big lie), but if you take a close look at the federal corruption indictment against city council member Al Lipscomb and cab company owner Floyd Richards, you may notice that the Dallas Observer receives a little credit. On page 15, the indictment notes that…

Waiting for George-o How long can George W. Bush run for president without running for president? By forming an exploratory committee, Bush can start raising money for his inevitable presidential run yet continue to avoid those annoying tasks that a presidential candidate must perform–campaigning, for instance. Bush, the Mario Cuomo…

Round 2 Think Albertson’s effort to build a humongous grocery store in Old East Dallas died when the City Plan Commission voted unanimously to reject its rezoning request last month? Think again. The grocery store chain has already sewed up one influential ally in its bid to have the city…

Dallas’ most wanted Buzz is resting a lot easier tonight, knowing that men like Brad Lapsley can’t escape the reach of Dallas law. At 71, Lapsley, a former missionary in Ethiopia who once served on the Dallas school board, may not look like a hard case–except for that school board…

Assumption of risk Here’s a health tip for all you youngsters out there: If you don’t want to risk a raging case of herpes, never have unprotected intercourse with anyone in the NBA. OK, so that one’s a bit obvious. Apparently, however, some people are clueless, and one of them…

Was it something we said? Buzz really hates it when our targets turn the tables on us. We were ready to scorch state Rep. Jerry Madden after someone from the Richardson Republican’s office called the Dallas Observer last week and asked us to please stop sending a complimentary copy of…

Party pooped Well, this is just great. Just when we thought we had our New Year’s plans down, The Turn: America at the Millennium goes belly-up and Buzz faces greeting the end of the century with Dick Clark and a bottle of cold duck. Frankly, we hesitated at taking a…

Let’s not Was the Houston Chronicle making a snide prediction about the vapid speech Gov. George W. Bush gave at his inauguration, or was it just a Freudian slip? Buzz is referring to a typo in a Chronicle story that appeared before the event. The inauguration’s theme was “Together We…

Firewalk with him “Meet the challenge of a single evening and transform your entire life.” The last time Buzz heard an offer like that, we became engaged to be married. (Happily! Happily!) Now that Buzz has cleared our social calendar for, oh, the next decade, maybe we will take this…