Audio By Carbonatix
KISS
What follows is a list of actual KISS memorabilia available through www.kissonline.com — “The site that clicks ass!” — and the accompanying descriptions, verbatim.
A set of six die-cast KISS pick-up trucks. “Breaker, breaker, good buddy! These 1:64-scale big rigs are sure to please all you KISS fans out there, no matter what your 20 is. Pick up what I’m throwin’ down and get a handle on all six. Ten-four! $27.95.”
Lava lamp. “It oozes red globs of goop. No, it’s not Gene Simmons — it’s the coolest lava lamp ever produced! All four band mates protrude out from the base, and the KISS logo graces the top of this incredible conversation piece. $79.95.”
KISS busts. “These incredible busts authentically detail KISS of the Destroyer era. Each awe-inspiring 20-inch sculpture is a wonder to behold, so magnificent they are almost as good as the real thing. Certificate of Authenticity included with each bust. Keep them on your piano or, better yet, your amp for daily inspiration! Buy all four for $74.95 each, or buy all four for $299.95.”
Alive IV drum head. “This gorgeous four-color drum head features the artwork from the New Year’s Eve poster. Printed on a 20-inch kick-drum head, it makes a perfect addition to your KISS collection or a jaw-dropping feature of your drum kit. Coming mid-March. $99.95.”
Big-head dolls. “Has success gone to their heads? Wearing their Love Gun costumes, these lovable figurines will brighten up every day. Limited edition dolls come with Certificate of Authenticity. $9.95 each.”
23k gold trading card. “Special trading card features Psycho Circus artwork on the front and back in glittering 23k gold. Card comes in a clear acrylic protective case and measures 2.5″x3.5″. $22.”
Psycho Circus throw rug. “Bring Psycho Circus into your home with this colorful throw. This richly patterned double-jacquard weave throw looks beautiful hanging on a wall, draped over a favorite chair, or covering up a KISS fanatic on a cold day. 65″x52.” $70.”
Hanging figurine. “Don’t miss your golden opportunity to ‘hang around’ with KISS! Made from porcelain and hung over a unique mirrored display stand. This 5,000 piece edition will sell out quickly, so order yours today! $50.”
Psycho Circus championship coin yo-yos. “Have your ups and downs with KISS! These collectible yo-yos feature each band member in two .999-pure silver coins embedded into a machine-lathed, brushed-aluminum championship style yo-yo. Go ‘Round The World with Gene, Loop the Loop with Paul, Sin The Cat with Peter, or Walk The Dog with Ace. Limited to 2,500 each. $70 each.”
KISS neon telephone. “You won’t have to shout it out loud when you use this FCC- and ETL-approved KISS telephone. The KISS logo and figures light up when the phone rings, and the ringer can be set to play ‘”Rock and Roll All Night’ or ring conventionally. Includes last-number redial. Tone/pulse switchable. $80.”
KISS face masks. “Does it take too much time to put on your KISS makeup? It’s no hassle with our latex facemasks. Each life-sized mask is carefully crafted by trained artisans. The mask is made with natural rubber latex to wear or display. Caution: May cause allergic reaction to those sensitive to latex. $49 each.”
Love Gun singing dolls. “The Destroyer dolls were incredible in their detail, the new Love Gun dolls are even better! Each fully articulated 24-inch doll wears authentic replica costumes from the Love Gun era, right down to their platform boots. Each doll plays two songs from Love Gun. Gene: “Christine 16″ & Almost Human”; Paul: “Stole Your Love” & “Love Gun”; Peter: “Got Love For Sale” & “Hooligan”; Ace: “Shock Me” & “Plaster Caster.” Cool stone Love Gun display bases included. $719.95.”
The Ace Frehley signature Les Paul. “Each numbered guitar purchased through this exclusive offer will be tested, approved, and autographed by Ace himself. It’s just like the one Ace plays, with features that include: Premium AA Grade matched flamed maple top, with cherry sunburst finish; one-piece mahogany neck rounded to 1959 Les Paul specs; trademark Ace headstock inlay; ebony fingerboard with lightning-bolt inlays. You will also get directly from Ace: Ace’s signature in one of four locations on the guitar; inspection by Ace himself; a hard case…and an autographed 8×10 glossy photo. $6,995.”
Robert Wilonsky
