Pizzeria Venti's slogan is "America's only authentic sliceria®." Yes, "sliceria." Not to be confused with BEE in Oak Cliff, which is an "enchiladeria." If you ask me, there's a diarrhea of new -eria's being invented in town lately. Can't we just call a pizza place a pizza place?
Anyway, Pizzeria Venti America's Only Authentic Sliceria Registered Trademark, you got me. You totally got me, you sonovabitch. I thought you were a quaint new mom-and-pop restaurant, with your cute white Christmas lights out on your patio and your chalk sandwich board. When I walked inside, the atmosphere was nice—a flat-screen TV, a couple families enjoying their fountain drinks—but despite the warm lighting, the place felt cold. Cold and bleachy (read: clean). Like, gasp, a chain restaurant.
That's right: Pizzeria Venti is a franchise. But it's a small franchise, so I guess if you're deciding between Pizza Hut and Pizzeria Venti for lunch, it's still the lesser of two pizza evils.
I tried the chicken vesuvio pizza (roasted chicken, mushrooms, black olives, garlic), which was "4 3/4 bucks" per slice. Clever. And annoying. I had to go kill four male deer plus almost completely kill a fifth one and then, when I came in and tried to pay in bucks, they wouldn't let me.
The slices are large, but almost five dollars a slice is pricey when you consider that this is all pre-made pizza sitting in sheet pans behind a glass case. They made it hours ago. It sits there all day like a dog in a pound waiting to be taken home. I pick what I want and then they just throw it in the oven.
When the food came out, the pizza was all right. (The braided crust was tough and the middle of the slice was soggy-floppy. Still better than Picasso's.) Better than the pizza was the timpanini special of the day: lasagna timpanini. Basically, it was lasagna with bread wrapped around it. A lasagna calzone. A giant lasagna Hot Pocket. If you're looking to black out on a carb bender, this is the way to do it.
Pizzeria Venti was OK, but it's Kardashian-dumb to buy pizza here when you can get a made-to-order slice from way-better, locally owned places in town like Pizza By Marco.
