The Christmas shopping season is officially underway, and if you've visited a shopping mall or a megastore recently, you already know that it's a tough battle. You have the bruises and black eye — from fighting over the newest Nintendo Switch — to prove it.
Geeks are some of the most difficult people to buy for. Perhaps you're not familiar with someone's favorite show or game, or perhaps you are, but all of the merchandise is sold out at the traditional big-box stores.
Thankfully, online retailer ThinkGeek is offering a reprieve to shoppers who live near Hurst. ThinkGeek recently opened a retail outlet in North East Mall, and it's filled with goodies for geeks of all stripes. These are some of the stranger things (get it?) you'll find on the shelves of the new ThinkGeek store.
1. The Electronic Guitar Shirt, $29.99
Air guitars are so 2016. This shirt has an electric guitar embedded in the cloth, so you can pound out some killer notes no matter where you are.The sound comes out of a miniature amp that attaches to your belt. You can play your own song, if you know guitar chords, or stick to the programmed riffs.
Who's it for? Bill and Ted protégés, Metalocalypse fans, people who work in offices with no dress codes and very patient co-workers.
2. Super Fidget's NES Retro Fidget Cube, $14.99
The fidget cube and the fidget spinner have turned simple toys into productive playthings. People who have trouble staying focused are able to overcome this by playing with useless buttons and switch modules.
Fidget devices have become so popular that you can buy individually stylized ones, like this special NES GamePad fidget cube. It's made for the '80s gamer who is against the idea of simply cutting the cord to a GamePad and carrying the controller around.
Who's it for? Gamers older than 40 with short attention spans, gamers who want giant callouses on their thumbs to prove their devotion to the medium.
3. Unicorn Meat and Dragon Meat, $5.99
Unicorn and dragon meat aren't just chock full of healthy vitamins and minerals that bestow the eater with immortality. The taste is also exquisite. It's like chewing on heaven's flesh. However, no one with a heart can hunt and slaughter a unicorn or dragon just for its delicious protein. The folks at Radiant Farms have done the dirty work for you.
Who's it for? Haters of dragons and unicorns (which in a just world should be nobody), hardcore Ted Nugent fans, Ted Nugent.
4. The Lord of the Rings One Ring Keychain, $9.99
We've all experienced the stress of misplacing house or car keys. Now imagine if they were affixed to a ring that is the source of all your power and gives you dominion over all of humanity and the universe.
Who's it for? Hobbits who have the good sense to rent a car when a strange wizard orders them on some foolhardy mission to stop evil, Stephen Colbert, people with plans for world domination who never remember where they left their keys.
5. Star Trek and Star Wars GeekiTikis, $79.99
Who says you have to check your geek card just because it doesn't fit in with your Hawaiian summer party theme? You may not be able to wear your Star Trek: The Next Generation uniform or Han Solo leather bomber jacket without passing out from heat exhaustion, but you can still celebrate your love for either sci-fi franchise with these special tiki-themed goblets.
Who's it for? Sci-fi fans with drinking problems, the cast of CBS' new Star Trek for the inevitable "gone Hawaiian" episode, Vulcans who are seriously bumming out your luau.
6. Darth Vader Waffle Maker, $39.99
Disney owns the Star Wars franchise, which means we have to cough up our money if we want it to care about making the movies good. Perhaps you need this waffle maker that produces tasty waffles in the shape of Darth Vader's head. Buy Disney's merchandise, or Adam Sandler will play Yoda in a spinoff movie.
Who's it for? Star Wars fans with high metabolisms, people who laugh way too hard at punchlines like "Darth baker," breakfast chefs with evil plans.
7. The Harry Potter Remote Control Wand, $49
It's probably a good thing that magic wands don't exist because we'd just waste their power on opening cans and forcing our animals to fetch our Snuggies. This remote-control
Who's it for? Muggles who want to feel magical, Harry Potter fans who need less exercise, witches who still use TiVo.
8. Hallmark's Justice League Aquaman Christmas Ornament, $15.99
The Warner Bros. Justice League movie may have been a big, fat bomb, but it won't be a huge loss, thanks to an unending merchandising campaign that produced things like this Aquaman Christmas ornament. Hang this on your Christmas tree and sleep easy knowing that you did your part to help keep the WB afloat.
Who's it for? People who need to feel sadder during the holidays, DC fans who consider buying DC merchandise a "donation" to a worthy cause, Aquaman (he needs to feel special sometimes, too).
9. R2-D2 Opposuit, $119.99
Opposuits are off-the-rack suits made in patterns and colors — such as polka dots, blood spatter, and Mardi Gras — unacceptable for work. They recently branched into Star Wars with products like this three-piece suit that looks like everyone's favorite droid. It even comes with a custom tie.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Who's it for? Fans who are too big to fit in a life-size R2D2 costume, a relative who doesn't own a suit but somehow received an invitation to your wedding.
10. Justin Bieber Pop! Figurine
In the geek world, Pop! figurines are a big money maker. But even Pop! can miss the mark, as is proved by this abomination of molded plastic that sits on ThinkGeek's clearance rack.
Who's it for? The unholy spawn of Satan's minions, homeowners with rodent problems.