Dear Mexican, Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger keep putting his foot in his mouth and talking smack about Mexicans? To my understanding, his wife, Maria, is of Mexican descent. He’s not only humiliating nuestra raza but his wife too. Please give the readers and me some input on the Governator. —Deep…
Dear Readers, Mucho comments about my February 1 column regarding the metamorphosis of Mexican names into seemingly wacky nicknames—Nini from Alejandrina, for instance, or Chely from Araceli. I argued such changes occurred thanks to linguistic laws; some of you had other theories. Here are the best. Here’s what a Chicano…
Dear Mexican, Why is it that from my personal, thoroughly unscientific observations it seems blue-collar, illiterate Mexicans are more prone to cheating on their wives than other races? Almost every other Mexican I have known seems to brag about how they got it on with their mamacitas while their wife…
Dear Mexican, How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, José becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo devolves into Memo. —It’s Marcela, Not Chela I want to know why Mexicans have such incongruous nicknames. In English, people have nicknames that have…
Dear Mexican, This November, a trusted employee of mine came out about his status as an illegal immigrant. Our big-box retail conglomerate’s policy clearly spells out the termination of my employment should I fail to report such an offense, but I love the mojado to death. He’s loyal, punctual and…
Dear Mexican, I’m a 60-year-old Chicano and proud. Why do young Chicanos keep imitating blacks? They dress like blacks, talk like blacks, listen to black music and hang with blacks. Aren’t they proud of their own culture? Why don’t they embrace Hispanic ways and learn about Hispanic history? —Say It…
Dear Mexican, Why do non-Mexicans consider it a compliment when they tell Mexicans they don’t look Mexican? I am 100 percent Mexican—5-foot-7, with black hair, brown eyes and olive skin—and ever since I left my hometown of El Paso, I’ve been subject to this backhanded compliment. —No Soy Italiana, Pendejo…
Dear Mexican, How did the patron saint of México get a name derived from Arabic? —El Moro Judío Dear Jewish Moor, You’re referring to the Virgin of Guadalupe, the brown-skinned apparition of the Virgin Mary whom tradition says appeared before the Aztec peasant Juan Diego in December 1531 just outside…
The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. In the meanwhile, here are some oldies-but-goldies: Dear Mexican, A friend of mine calls Mexicans “wabs” but being a menso doesn’t even know what it means—except that it’s not P.C. What’s…
Dear Mexican, I’m a Spanish-language student struggling with tenses and the gender of nouns. The other day, some friends and I were discussing street slang and the word verga (penis) came up (no pun intended). It occurred to me that the definitive symbol of masculinity ends in the feminine -a…
Dear Mexican, It seems that whenever Chicano professors want to show off their mexicanidad, they wear a guayabera. In fact, I saw a picture of you in the Los Angeles Times donning the shirt, along with Dickies pants and Converse All Stars. How trite and bourgeois! You go to a…
Dear Mexican, I was flipping through my television when I noticed the Spanish-language channel showed a man in a red suit with yellow pants, antennae on his head and a heart with the letters “CH” on his chest. It appeared to be a sitcom, and all the characters related to…
Dear Readers, I received many kind, drunken words from ustedes regarding my November 16 column proclaiming Mexicans and Irish “brothers in depravity.” Let’s start with a wab: Man, did you make me laugh with “leprecanos.” I never had more fun on Cinco de Mayo than I did in 1974 in…
Note to readers: The following is a serious, stat-saturated column. I promise more dwarf- and Dirty Sanchez-related questions next week! Dear Mexican, A recent study by the Pew Hispanic Center reveals the following: ·Hispanics are four times more likely than non-Hispanics to receive welfare. ·Hispanics account for three-quarters of the…
Dear Mexican, My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he’s been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. A couple of days ago, he told me that, after several weeks of…
Dear Mexican, Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall with no dance floor. The people attending were supposed to sit down and enjoy the music. Five minutes into the music, these jumping beans started dancing in the aisle. It’s not the first…
Dear Mexican, A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don’t believe that. Can you “spread” some light on the subject? Dear Gabacho, Dear Handsome Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend’s argument by referring her to…
Dear Mexican, It’s hard out here for a brotha! First, we had to deal with those pieces of shit called the KKK and their supporters. Now we have to deal with the freakin’ Mexican invasion. Now I see why whites fretted over seeing their neighborhoods turn dark when Cleophus and…
Dear Mexican, I have very, very light skin because of my Scandinavian heritage. Around Halloween, someone asked me if it was white-face makeup. Why is it that Mexican men find my pallor so fascinating? –Fair Maiden Dear Gabacha, BECAUSE YOU’RE WHITE. Mexicans love gabachos even though you’ve fucked our country…
Dear Mexican, How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero natural resources, that suffered a devastating war of four years that included two atom bombs yet has reached the highest in educational achievements, technological advancements and…
Dear Mexican, I once got into a fight with a cholo. We beat the crap out of each other, but when all was said and done, I kicked his ass harder than he kicked mine, and the cholo ran off swearing and spitting. I assumed the matter was settled, but…
Dear Readers, Folks went loco following my September 7 column that blamed Chicano studies for spawning a generation of humorless activists and “corrupt[ing] the brains of young Mexicans with antiquated concepts like victimization, objectification and grade inflation.” Too many letters and comments from professors, activists and Zach de la Rocha…
