Slowly. Surely?

Jerry Jones is slow like honey. Wait. That doesn’t sound right. Refrigerated honey. The Wycliff toll plaza. Global warming. Yeah, the Dallas Cowboys’ coaching search is slow like that. But at least when owner Jerry Jones announces his hire later this week, we won’t be able to criticize him for…

Train Rex

Ron Rivera, your Chicago Bears just lost the Super Bowl? What are you gonna do now? Oh, yeah. Interview for the Cowboys’ head coaching gig. On second thought, should Jerry Jones even consider hiring Chicago Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera for the Dallas Cowboys’ head coaching gig? If you watched…

Super Sunday

Will Michael Irvin land in the Hall of Fame or crash and burn yet again? Find out tomorrow. Looks like Tom Hicks is buyin’, Josh Howard is cryin’, and Michael Irvin is tryin’. Couple things here: Can Rangers fans annually complaining about their lack of competitive payroll be excited their…

Sounds Like Richie Could Use Some Baseball

Ron Washington has us all very excited about the Rangers this season. Which means, of course, they’ll still suck. But we’ll be excited about it. You’ll have to wait until 6 tonight on TNT to find out if Josh Howard joins Dirk Nowitzki as an NBA All-Star. And you’ll have…

Frozen Assets

The NHL’s All-Star Game has come and gone. So, too, has Dallas’ fascination with hockey. The mid-winter classic arrived last week disguised as an enigma: At once a crowning achievement on 15 years of grass-roots growth and a humbling reality check for a sport skating more toward thin ice than…

Austin Powers

Austin Croshere scored 34 points last night. We’re not sure, but we think that’s also as many points as he’s made in his entire career. Don’t tell me you saw that one coming. After amassing only 24 points over the last two months, reserve Austin Croshere hops off Avery Johnson’s…

A Horse is a Horse is a Horse, Of Course

Cue the twinkling piano, usher in Jim Nantz’s hushed, reverent tones and get PETA on speed dial, because I’m about to beat a dead horse. While Sammy Sosa and Mike Singletary are coming to town, Barbaro is gone. The tributes, of course, are pouring in. During the eight months the…

No Super For You!

Revisit the glory days of Duane Thomas this week, when the NFL Network pays tribute to America’s Team on America’s Game. No, your Dallas Cowboys still don’t have a head coach. But I’m sticking with my initial prediction, which sounded solid on January 11 and feels stronger than ever today…

The Last Time We Mention Bill Parcells? Maybe?

Former Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells finally spoke about his “retirement” earlier this week — and, natch, he didn’t do it on a local station, because God forbid he talk to the team’s actual fans. So, instead, he spoke with The Fan (WFAN-AM) in New York, specifically to hosts “Mike…

All-All-All-All-Stars

Somewhere beneath this Dolphins helmet is former — and, maybe, future? — Dallas Cowboy Jason Garrett. Uh…Coach Garrett, perhaps? That’d be kinda cool. Took a break from guessing about Bill Parcells’ replacement long enough to breathe in the fresh air of the NHL All-Star Game last night. And, of course,…

Delinquent Bill

Bill Parcells is gone. And I know his replacement: Bill Jones. When Parcells went into hiding after the Dallas Cowboys’ season-ending loss in Seattle, it was the long-time metroplex TV sports personality who jumped into the head coach’s seat for the final two tapings of Channel 11’s Cowboys Huddle. “I…

Gatorade Gullibility

Late last night, while pretending to watch the Australian Open but in reality merely ogling this chick, someone from my past popped onto the screen. OK, it’s the extremely recent past, but the irony of Bill Parcells’ presence just made me want to forget him that much quicker. Way back…

Welcome Back, Earthlings

While the Mavericks are becoming as automatic as blinking — would you believe 21-1 since December 13? — Dallas’ amateur basketball team has kinda, sorta been issued an ugly reality check. Once upon a time, first-year coach Matt Doherty and his scrappy ‘Stangs were off to a magical season. Turns…

Re: The Next Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys Will Be…

Just got off the phone will a Valley Ranch birdie that chastised me for not including Jim Bates on my list. Bates, who recently took a job as the Broncos’ assistant head coach, served as the Cowboys’ linebackers coach in the late ’90s. He’s a friend of Jerry Jones, a…

The Next Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys Will Be …

Mystery date: Will he be a stud or a dud? Planned on posting this at sunrise, but my Parcells Party ran later than expected. And by “later than expected”, I mean 3 � tuna sandwiches, two bottles of bubbly and 2:37 a.m. Before moving on to coaching candidates, though, it…

The King is Dead…Long Live the Cowboys

Shocking, but oh-so-sweet. Bill Parcells sent joyful shock waves through Cowboyville minutes ago when the head coach announced he was resigning. In a statement, released through the team, Parcells said: “I am retiring from coaching football. I want to thank Jerry Jones and Stephen Jones for their tremendous support over…

Ssssh, All-Star Game Sleeping

With Bill Parcells in limbo, the Bears and Colts in the Super Bowl and the Dallas Mavericks in first place, does anyone care that the NHL All-Star Game is in town? Under the cover of wintry mix, the showpiece of America’s No. 4 sport sneaked into Dallas and will this…

The Play-Faker

C’mon, can’t we learn to forgive and forget? Looking at this, you’d think he’s already in. But despite positive referrals from the judge who sentenced him, the gopher who worked for him and the columnist who backed him , Michael Irvin isn’t a rubber stamp from getting into the Pro…

Stay or Go? Cue The Clash, ‘Cuz Tuna Ain’t Talkin’

Go down, Moses, and say let our Cowboys go. Bill Parcells, Dallas Cowboys hostage crisis, Day 13: Obviously he’s staying. Shows up for work at Valley Ranch every day, and ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, one of his few media buddies, is saying that Parcells will announce his decision to stay by…

Virtually There

Trust us, this computer-generated image of the Cowboys’ future home looks way cooler than we can show you here. Heartwood Studios, the San Francisco Bay-area company that produced that nifty computer-animated fly-through of the Cowboys’ future digs in Arlington, isn’t through pulling gems out of its bag of tricks just…