First Baptist Dallas Pastor Robert Jeffress sure does think a lot of things. He thinks that leading his parishioners to raise $135 million to build the baptist Bellagio on St. Paul Street downtown is being a good steward of the Lord's cash. He thinks that Catholicism represents the "genius of Satan" and Mormonism is a cult. None of those are even good enough to make this top 10.
In honor, of Jeffress' recent thinly veiled comparing of Target to jihadis and with deference to David Letterman, here are the top 10 things Robert Jeffress thinks.
10. Robert Jeffress thinks that the Supreme Court decision that legalized gay marriage is the worst in the history of the court.
"[Obergefell v. Hodges is] the greatest, most historic, landmark blunder in the history of the United States Supreme Court."
9. Robert Jeffress thinks that abortion caused 9/11.
"Surely, God doesn't use pagans to bring judgment upon his own people, does he?" Jeffress asked rhetorically. "Just read the Bible, God will not allow sin to go unpunished and he certainly won't allow the sacrifice of children to go unpunished."
8. Robert Jeffress thinks gay sex might make you explode.
From the Observer in 2013:
"Think about this one time in heaven God was sitting up there with his sketch pad and he said, 'You know, I'm going to design human beings and would it be fun of they started doing this together with one another.'" Jeffress illustrates this by excitedly jabbing his fingers at one another in a way that makes you feel truly sorry for the missus. "God dreamed up sex, He thought it up for our enjoyment, He gave us the equipment to enjoy it with."
He goes on to offer us the parable of the TV delivery man who very specifically tells the purchaser to only plug it into a 120-volt outlet. But the buyer, "because those are antiquated instructions" and "it's my TV and I can do whatever I want to with it," ignores the advice and rams it into the 220-volt outlet.
"Well it is my TV to do what I want to with it but I'm going to blow that TV into smithereens if I put it in a 220 outlet," Jeffress said.
7. Robert Jeffress thinks President Obama is paving the way for the Antichrist.
"For the first time in history a president of our country has openly proposed altering one of society’s (not to mention God’s) most fundamental laws: that marriage should be between a man and a woman. While I am not suggesting that President Obama is the Antichrist, the fact that he was able to propose such a sweeping change in God’s law and still win reelection by a comfortable margin illustrates how a future world leader will be able to oppose God’s laws without any repercussions."
6. Robert Jeffress thinks that the Chamber of Commerce, because it wants to respect the rights of transgender individuals, is a bigger threat to freedom of religion than the Islamic State.
"When states are being faced with the loss of business, they tend to fold real quickly. And I’ve said often that the greatest threat to freedom of religion in America is not ISIS, it’s the Chamber of Commerce. I mean, it’s the businesses that say to our representatives, ‘Oh, don’t pass laws like that, don’t pass these religious freedom laws because people will interpret that as anti-gay and we’ll lose business.’"
5. Robert Jeffress thinks Donald Trump has a grasp of the issues.
"I tell ya, anybody that was in that meeting [between Trump and a group of pastors that included Jeffress. would've left there, first of all, impressed by his great charisma, by his grasp of the issues, but also the fact that he's in it to win it."
4. Robert Jeffress thinks that the Fifty Shades of Grey movie might have been a signifier of the end times.
“I just think this movie may represent a new low in popular entertainment. That’s all I’m saying. And I’m just saying the Bible prophesized that in the End Times, there will be a lack of moral restraint, and I think we’re seeing that manifested in so many different ways.”
3. Robert Jeffress thinks Pope Francis owes Donald Trump an apology for questioning Trump's faith.
"I think the Pope needs to ask Donald Trump's forgiveness for making such an outlandish statement."
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2. Robert Jeffress thinks pedophilia and homosexuality are connected.
"Amazingly, some gay activists don’t even try to hide the link between homosexuality and pedophilia. There are some who are right now are actively involved in trying to legalize sex between adults and children by lowering the age of consent or removing it altogether. In all fairness, it would be wrong to suggest that all homosexuals to pedophiles. It would be wrong to even suggest that a majority of homosexuals are pedophiles, but the truth nevertheless is there. There are a disproportionate amount of assaults against children by homosexuals than by heterosexuals, you can’t deny that, and the reason is very clear: homosexuality is perverse, it represents a degradation of a person’s mind and if a person will sink that low and there are no restraints from God’s law, then there is no telling to whatever sins he will commit as well."
1. Robert Jeffress thinks contemporary American Christians face similar challenges to Jews in pre-war Germany.
“We’re not having our heads chopped off like Christians in the Middle East by ISIS, but you’ve heard me say before, I think when you look at what happened in Germany, look the Nazis didn’t take the Jews to the crematorium immediately. They wouldn’t have been allowed to do that by the German citizens. What the Nazis did was a program of making the Jews the object of ridicule and contempt in the eyes of the German people, and only once they had marginalized them, were they able to take away their rights."