Everybody Back in the Pool
Unbelievably, not a single person on our 2007 music death pool (see "Pool Queue," January 4, 2007) was waved past the velvet rope into the Ultimate Afterparty—though Britney Spears was flirting pretty hard with the bouncers.
We recommend that you keep the previous year's picks on your list and add the following musicians and music-biz personalities. Keep in mind that we do not endorse taking any actions to hasten the demise of anyone on the list—except maybe Scott Stapp.
Amy Winehouse. This retro chanteuse is better known for her legal troubles, canceled concerts, crazy bedraggled paparazzi photos and onstage dope-snorting than for her Grammy-nominated Back to Black, one of last year's best albums. It would be a tragedy if there's no follow-up, but we can at least capitalize on her imminent demise with a no-brainer wager.
Blake Fielder-Civil. Winehouse's imprisoned brawler of a husband appears to be just as wheels-off as she is. One way or the other, it looks like death will do them part sooner than later.
The unborn child of Jamie Lynn Spears. Pregnancy isn't going to help the career of Britney's 16-year-old sister, a kid-show actress. We have the feeling this is going to end in "miscarriage," even if the family doesn't publicize that the miscarriage involves forceps and suction tubing.
Shane MacGowan. We really hope the Pogues singer, one of the great songwriters of our time, never falls from grace with God. But his bloated, rotten-toothed appearance and constant drunkenness don't bode well. Whiskey, you're the devil indeed.
Jerry Lewis. He's primarily known as a comedian, but he was a comedy partner of the great singer Dino and had a hit in the 1950s singing "Rock-a-Bye Your Baby With a Dixie Melody." Listing his recent health concerns would take up the rest of this page. Suffice it to say, it looks like a Martin and Lewis reunion is forthcoming.
Chuck Berry. This 81-year-old rock 'n' roll pioneer has been robbed by every rock guitarist since "Maybellene" came out in 1955, survived more scandals than the Clinton administration and still plays live. Though we hope he sees 101, he's getting pretty darn old for a rocker.
Whitney Houston. As she once said, "Crack is wack." She may have finally divorced her enabler, but recovery is a long, long road.
Bobby Brown. Ever seen the YouTube video wherein he drops what looks like a big sack of coke on the stage while performing with New Edition? He's pretty smooth about picking it back up.
Wynonna Judd. We're certain she has a gravy overdose in her future.
Scott Stapp. How many times can the former singer of the Worst Band Ever get away with drunken domestic disputes? Maybe karma—or alcohol poisoning—catches up with him in 2008.
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