Mike Brooks for Dallas Observer
Audio By Carbonatix
Even if you hate soccer, the World Cup has brought us many sights to behold. Regrettably, most of them are wearing shirts the entire time because removing them results in a yellow card. We’d like to talk to whoever came up with that rule immediately. Either way, the World Cup has shed a much-needed light on an underrated sport in the United States and shed a bigger light on its chiseled players. If the next tournament is played shirts and skins, we foresee soccer becoming even more popular.
The indisputable, unexpected heartthrob of the tournament has been the charming Norwegian leader, Erling Haaland. The star’s charisma won the heart of every American spectator, soccer fan or not, for his sense of humor on and off the field. But since Norway was knocked out as a contender last week, the people have had to re-strategize and are now backing England’s Jude Bellingham, who is also very hot and a close friend of Haaland. The duo has given a lot of content to the tournament’s real athletes: TikTok thirst-trap editors. It was a game-time decision, but one that has paid off.
This World Cup was notoriously hot in more ways than one. With the semifinals set to begin in Dallas on Tuesday, we think now’s the best time to take a walk down memory lane and remember what the World Cup is truly about: camaraderie. This is good sportsmanship.
The entire Congolese team, specifically in their custom leopard suits
The Congo knows what it means to arrive in style. For their return to the tournament after 52 years (appearing under the nation’s former name, Zaire), the team arrived in matching suits with leopard-print stoles, an homage to the Congolese subculture, La Sape. The identifiable aesthetic originates from houseboys who were paid in old European designer clothing. The clothes were modified and reimagined, creating a vibrant, highly tailored look. The suits, designed by Congolese designer Alvin Jmak, brought Les Leopards, as the team is known, an instant victory at the World Cup, and women everywhere a different kind of victory.
All of Iran
Because of the conflict between the United States and Iran, their men’s national team had an irregularly difficult time getting visas. The team was required to move its base camp from Arizona to the Mexican border, with a 24-hour window to return after each match played on United States soil. But extended exposure to airplane air and unneeded paperwork stress from a federal department, which brings out the ugliest in most people, did nothing for the Iranian Men’s National Team. The internet seems to be in consensus that being beautiful must be a prerequisite for making the team, because no roster boasts as many 10s as Iran’s.
Cho Guesung
Some people really do have it all. If this were your first World Cup, you wouldn’t be familiar with Cho Guesung, a striker for the South Korean Men’s National Team. The player went viral after the 2022 World Cup for reasons you can clearly see. Four years later, and he still looks good.
Cristiano Ronaldo
What can we say? We’re traditionalists. Just because Cristiano Ronaldo has remained one of the hottest soccer stars for two decades doesn’t mean we can’t include him. An obvious choice? Yes, but one that is no less deserving. Staff writer Emma Ruby momentarily breathed the same air as Ronaldo when the Portuguese Men’s National Team played in Dallas and, through important boots-on-the-ground journalism, concluded that he looks even better in person.
Jackson Irvine
Australia has done more for the daydreamer than any other country on the planet. Hugh Jackman, Jacob Elordi, Margot Robbie, all the Hemsworths and now Jackson Irvine. If Australia was created as a nation built from criminals, then lock us up, sheriff. On top of being great at soccer (we assume), Irvine also has more personal style than his ball-kicking contemporaries.
Petar Musa
You might recognize Croatia’s Petar Musa from his day job as a member of FC Dallas. The European is a high-caliber player for a team like FC Dallas, and he’s spoken about choosing to play in our city over one of the European Big Five leagues because of more playtime and the opportunity to leave a legacy. Fittingly, Musa scored his first World Cup goal at Dallas Stadium (AT&T Stadium, for North Texans). We hope we can keep him, but it wouldn’t be beyond Dallas sports teams to trade their Baltic franchise player.
Mo Salah
Obviously, Mo Salah is hot in the simplest of ways. But there’s nothing hotter than a man with goodwill. Salah’s presence in England’s Premier League with Liverpool Football Club has been tied to a 16% reduction in hate crimes. What’s more, the captain of Egypt’s national team is also an advocate for women’s rights in Islamic African countries and has donated hundreds of thousands to various Egyptian causes, including the founding of an ambulance unit in his hometown, Nagrig. “The Pharaoh” is good on all accounts.
Jude Bellingham
England’s star player is making us reconsider that whole independence thing. While many of the hottest men have already been knocked out this year, we still have Bellingham to look forward to. Here’s to hoping he takes one for the team and accepts a yellow card in the name of cooling off. We’ll let you tax our tea, Mr. Bellingham.
