We Almost Came Up With 420 Things to Do on 4/20, but Got Too High

The holiest of all holidays, 420, is coming up sometime soon, but we couldn't tell you exactly in how many days. Some of us have been celebrating early — since last April 21, to be exact — so our sense of time is a bit warped. We did put our time to good use, however, by coming up with a list of things to do in Dallas, or wherever your strain takes you.

1. Imagine Ricardo Paniagua’s geometric mural in the West Village is a giant Magic Eye puzzle and try to find the hidden image.

2. Take a nap by snuggling up with the giant teddy bear statues in Lakeside Park.

3. Visit the eyeball sculpture downtown. Finally feel seen.

4. Go to the first-ever Blockbuster building (now an Applebee’s) and ask when the Titanic videos are coming in. Ask for a manager if they can’t help you.

5. Visit a 24-hour psychic in the middle of the night. Ask about the future of all humanity.

6. Go to Dezi 5’s show at Wit's End and challenge him to a twerk-off.

7. Visit the Scarborough Renaissance Fair dressed up like a caveman and pretend you’re in the future.

8. Try to break a Guinness world record at the Perot Museum.

9. Try to figure out the difference between Delta-8 and Delta-9. We tried. For science.

10. Bring some shampoo and wash your hair in the frog fountains at the Dallas Arboretum.

11. Go through the Dallas Library’s old local newspapers and try to find incriminating information about your relatives.

12. Take a short trip to a nearby ghost town and proclaim yourself as the new mayor.

13. Tell any kids in the way to go play with some matches and slide down the planters inside NorthPark Mall.

14. Tell kids to go home because their parents got them a puppy and spin around on the seats outside the Nasher Museum.

15. Go up to the guard at the Sixth Floor Museum and confess to shooting JFK.

16. Chill with the reptiles at the Dallas Zoo, ask nicely if you can share some of their heat lamp rays.

17. Go up the Reunion Tower and try to make out all your friend's houses. Go home because you have no friends.

18. Cook a meal made solely out of ingredients found at witch shop The Labyrinth.

19. Visit a Bed, Bath and Beyond and find out exactly what the "Beyond" entails.

20. Stage a protest against the invasion of Iraq outside the George W. Bush Presidential Center.

21. Chain yourself to a tree at the Dallas Nature Preserve and refuse to leave until they free Britney.

22. Try to outrun the cattle sculptures at Pioneer Plaza.

23. Try to outwit the Mark Twain statue at the Scottish Rite Park. Even in statue form, he'll win.

24. Record yourself playing air guitar outside of Stevie Ray Vaughn’s old house.

25. Rent the '90s-themed Airbnb and try to find a chat room where you can vent about your life to strangers.

26. Rent the '80s-themed Airbnb and binge-watch Family Ties.

27. Try to call God from the historically significant phone at Top Ten Records.

28. Try on stripper shoes at Electrique Boutique. And then buy a pair, don’t be an asshole.

29. Take your munchies-afflicted ass down to the Farmers Market, so you can at least support local vendors while binging.

30. Take a drive to Denton and get lost inside the maze that is Recycled Books. See if you can reach the "books for tall people."

31. While you're in Denton, you should order a large mean green pizza to-go from Crooked Crust.

32. Since you'll be hungry again in 10 minutes, you should head over to Cool Beans and order their burger of the month.

33. Take a shot at every bar on Fry Street while you wait for your burger.

34. Text your grandparents and ask them what their plans are for 4/20.

35. Grab your burger then walk to The Zebra’s Head smoke shop to pick up a couple of CBD pre-rolls.

36. Ask yourself what the hell you're doing in Denton when a minute ago you were at the Arboretum.

37. Stand outside the window at Serious Pizza, get hypnotized by the way they work the dough.

38. Finally agree to give Deep Ellum Bob a ride home.

39. Name the peacocks chilling on the front lawns in the neighborhood by Flagpole Hill Park.

40. Write a letter to Joe Exotic volunteering to be his next husband.

42. Name your own strain of weed something like "Orange Skunk," "Lazy Sweetheart" or
"Dante’s Inferno."

43. Find a random dude named Dante on social media and ask him his idea of hell.

44. Find the Casket Store on North Central Expressway that's next to Boxes to Go and have a good laugh.

45. Come up with a series of erratic Google searches to throw off the NSA agent who's always tracking your online moves.

46. Remember that the first annual Dallas Hemp Fest is happening on 4/20 this year and spark up your bowl because it lasts until 4/21.

47. Email [email protected] to express your gratitude and ask about the best bites at the festival.

48. Lie on your couch and contemplate whether you’d like to adopt a pet at Dallas Hemp Fest. More important, would the pet want you?

49. Daydream about performing with The Voice contestant Ryan Berg at the Dallas Hemp Fest.

50. Snap out of it and realize it was only a daydream and now you’re smoking without Ryan Berg. *Takes hit*

51. Try to make it to the Dallas Hemp Fest in time.

52. Contemplate between watching Follow Through, Soul Deep, Stoke Chasers or Understory at EarthxFilm

53. Knowing damn well you'll only end up at home watching the new Godzilla vs Kong.

54. After watching the new Godzilla vs Kong watch the original from 1963 and count how many times Godzilla roars the same roar in the movie.

55. Switch it up by only watching the "pray" part in Eat, Pray, Love.

56. Join Facebook Live and talk about CBD at the “Let’s Talk About CBD on 4/20!” event at 4:20 PM with Tammy from Supersnouts and friends.

57. Join the 420 celebration with Puff n Paint by painting a picture of Snoop Dogg from the “Drop It Like It’s Hot” music video. Only $30.

58. Attend Wild Turkey and Russel Reserve’s Spirit Smackdown happy hour experience at Jasper’s Uptown.

59. Go to FORUM & BRIZO in Richardson between 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. for the free appetizers and eat happy.

60. Tell the McDonald's employees your Happy Meal was, actually, quite sad.

61. Sign up for the Dallas Open Mic at the The Green Elephant to showcase your wicked talent to the world, between 8 p.m.-midnight. Somehow, you're never quite as talented when sober.

63. Purge your binging of The Office at The Office Trivia Night at Legacy Hall (from 7 p.m.– 9 p.m) to show everyone in the office who’s the world's greatest boss.

64. Sign up for Dallas Speed Dating from 7 p.m – 9 p.m. at Social Pie to find a significant other — just like the one time you watched it on BravoTV!

65. Attend the 420 watch party of student short film The Drug Test by North Texas filmmaker Joseph Horta, followed by Q&A with the cast and crew at 8 p.m. on Facebook Live. Ask thoughtful questions.

66. Set your profile photo to a photo of a Facebook friend you barely know and say nothing.

67. Tag the FBI whenever people post plagiarized jokes online. That shit needs to stop.

68. Watch Pineapple Express while you smoke Pineapple Express, eat pineapple and drink expresso. Wait, it's not expresso?

69. Watch Mac & Devin Go to High School and participate in the weed smoking games from the 3D-animated talking doobie.

70. Listen to the Mac & Devin Go To High School soundtrack and attempt to roll a joint that’s as big as King Kong’s fingers.

71. Try to bake your own edibles in an EasyBake oven.

72. FaceTime your parents and ask them to tell your boss you're sick since it’s a Tuesday and you just remembered you have a job.

73. Order an Everything Pizza from Moni’s Pasta & Pizza in Arlington and count everything you find on the pizza.

74. Call a pest control company and ask them if they can help get rid of your nagging thoughts.

75. Scroll through Seth Rogen’s Instagram account to see his amazing handmade vase collection.

76. Educate yourself on cannabis through Seth Rogen’s weed company House Plant and learn about your strains, portion control, how to roll a joint and how to properly invest in cannabis.

77. Take a road trip with some friends to Colorado because it’s the closest neighboring weed state to Texas to get the full 420 experience.

78. Find Waldo. Never let him go. Then smoke a bowl and find yourself.

79. Eat that bag of freeze-dried astronaut ice cream you bought from Amazon.

80. Then compare that to Howdy Homemade Ice Cream. We all know Howdy is the winner here.

81. Play any of the Jackbox party games with your friends and make anyone that randomly disconnects from the game take a hit.

82. Eh, forget that. Everyone takes a hit while they’re playing Jackbox.

83. Binge The Mandalorian and take a hit every time baby Yoda makes an appearance.

84. Binge Twin Peaks and take a hit every time Agent Cooper records his voice memos to Diane.

85. Binge Lost and take a hit every time John Locke does something badass.

86. Find your old yearbook and send long-lost classmates friend requests. Whether they respond or not, wish them a happy 420 and hope that they're not cops.

87. If they are cops, then wish them a happy Tuesday.

88. Compare Kanye’s “Bound 2” music video side by side with Seth Rogen and James Franco's spoof music video for “Bound 2” to see which one makes you feel some type of way. (It's the latter, because Franco's so problematic.)

89. Attempt to sync Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon with The Wizard of Oz and convince yourself that the album was written to Dorothy’s journey in the movie.

90. Get a coffee from Method and walk around Bryan Place. Let the proximity between the houses blow your mind.

91. Visit a swingers club, but keep social distance.

92. Gather all the Doritos flavors you can find, stack one on top of another, and eat the stack all at once.

93. List your top four dream blunt rotation.

94. Print out pictures of your dream blunt rotation, tape their faces to your couch pillows and imagine the conversations you’d have on them, with them and about them.

95. Listen to Willie Nelson’s “On The Road Again” while you’re on the road again to get some more Taco Bell.

96. Remember the high school yearbook from earlier? Roll up your weed on the pages of people you disliked and smoke 'em.

97. Or just roll up on the front cover of your yearbook so weed doesn’t get caught between the pages

98. Search “Dallas” on Bandcamp and listen to different local music. Buy all the songs you like on iTunes and feel like a real patron of local culture.

93. Write your dealer a thank you letter for always being there for you. Don't send it through the mail, though, you narc. Be cool.

94. Make a list of your favorite smoke shop accessories and map out different smoke shops to hit up from Skylight Smoke Shop in Forth Worth to Retro Revolution Smoke Shop in Plano.

95. Buy a costume at Dallas Vintage Shop in Plano and wear it to, like, Red Lobster.

96. Weep for the lobsters about to be sacrificed into a meal.

97. Go up to the conspiracy theorists at Dealey Plaza and tell them your own theories of the JFK assassination to teach them a lesson on being told conspiracy theories against one's will.

98. Channel your inner Texan (not outer because you can't deal with that accent) and go to the Texas Horse Park in Great Trinity Forest to finally take horse-riding lessons.

99. Realize that Texas Horse Park is closed on Tuesdays and take a trip to Joppa Reserve instead.

100. After you develop your own theory of the JFK assassination, compare it to the JFK theory twists after watching both The Umbrella Academy and 11/22/63 to see how they line up. Go back to Dealey Plaza and tell the conspiracy theorists again how you solved the mystery.

101. Go for a hike at the Cedar Ridge Preserve even though you can barely walk by now.

102. Try to follow the instructions on a package of ramen, but backward.

103. Play Connect the Dots with your freckles with a permanent marker. Start the next stupid trend on TikTok.

104. Clean your favorite piece to smoke from and smoke a nice bowl. Have a funeral for your favorite piece you just broke because it slipped out of your hands and smoke a blunt in its memory.

105. Watch Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Party Challenge and attempt one of the challenges stoned out of your mind.

106. Watch past Snoop Dog interviews from his YouTube show GGN News and take a hit every time either Snoop or his guest smokes on the show.

107. Look for online evidence to determine whether Snoop or Willie Nelson is the biggest stoner. Make a PowerPoint presentation to show your work.

108. Watch the VICE TV episode “Proving and Disproving Myths About Weed With Experiments” and debunk all the myths behind cannabis.

109. Attempt to roll a cross joint.

110. Go on a tour of the skankiest motels. No, we didn't mean "swankiest."

111. Ask your parents to get high with you for the first time.

112. Find out if the Dallas Pedestrian Network, aka Dallas' tunnels, are open. And then let us know, would you? We're too high to look it up.

113. Make the trip to Van Alstyne and try the sweet crust on the veggie pizza at Andrea's Pizza. Die.

114. If you have no roommates or friends to smoke with, grab your best blanket and enjoy that blunt by yourself, you deserve it!

115. Buy a bag full of your favorite candy from Atomic Candy in Denton Square. Ask yourself, "Shit, I'm in Denton again?!"

116. Grab ramen at Oni Ramen on Elm Street since your Maruchan experiment didn't work out.

117. Go to Walmart with a friend and compete over who can put together the ugliest outfit.

118. Watch the SMOKEABLES series from VICE and take notes on doing some major DIY to smoke out of different objects.

119. Explain to your roommates why their favorite things in your apartment are now weed pipes.

120. Watch Bong Appétit while you eat your leftover ramen.

121. Cruise through downtown Dallas while blasting "Never Gonna Give You Up" so you can Rickroll EVERYONE.

122. Watch Titanic while high and try to see things from the iceberg's perspective.

116. Watch Friday even though it's Tuesday.

121. Listen to “Because I Got High” by Afroman because you did what the song said.

122. Look up different 420 playlists on Spotify because you can't find the one you made somewhere between your trips to Denton.

123. Type in “Things to watch while high" on YouTube. You’ll see what happens.

124. Listen to the WeedMan 420 Chronicles podcast.

125. Watch the original Godzilla from 1954 at the Texas Theatre in Oak Cliff.

124. Show up half-baked to Half Price Books in Northeast Dallas and read half of your favorite book.

125. Buy some fresh flowers from Dallas House of Flowers. Ah, fresh smells.

126. Before smoking your bong, put filtered water in the base, add in some ice and a few drops of peppermint oil for the most refreshing hit ever.

127. Rip hits off the beer bong while listening to Post Malone’s Beerbongs & Bentleys.

128. Play Battleship but every time your ship gets hit you have to take a hit, too.

129. Catch the food trucks at Klyde Warren Park and have a picnic to the soothing sounds of highway traffic.

130. Tell the kids the food trucks are giving away free ice cream, and have the climbing structure all to yourself.

131. Get some street tacos and add something wild like pineapple or egg, just to prove you're not as predictable as your ex claims.

132. Take a bachata dance class at Alpha Midway Dance Studio because those hips wanna work.

133. Take a guided art tour at AT&T Stadium between noon and 2 p.m.

134. Go to Cretia's in Bishop Arts and pick the fattest slice of cake.

135. Try to milk the cows at Trammell Crow Park before you realize they’re not real. Actually, don't touch the art. Or do, we're not your mom.

136. Go to the Farmers Market of Grapevine, which is superior because it runs from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

137. Buy some herbs to go with your after-herb meal.

138. Find a portrait at the Dallas Museum of Art and do a whole bit like you're staring into a mirror.

139. Enjoy some of that green in The Green Room's rooftop.

140. Then head over to Wits End where you can look out over Deep Ellum and hate-watch the tourists.

141. Stop by the Weed Spot for CBD-infused gummies to mellow you out even more.

142. Try double rolling those smoking papers.

143. Feed the ducks at White Rock Lake. Feed everyone. You've had enough snacks for the day.

144. Watch the ducks at Duck Creek Linear Park. Sit with the realization that you're suddenly way into ducks.

145. Open your favorite app for store and restaurant reviews and practice kindness by saying nice things about the businesses you don’t like.

146. Find a comedy show and because you can't, laugh at every dad joke your server at Red Lobster makes like it's standup.

147. Prove your theory that the high hits different with Erykah Badu playing in the background.

148. Play arcade games at Bishop Cidercade. You're just better when you’re stoned.

149. Alternatively, remember that Free Play Arcade games will have all your childhood favorites for a trip down memory lane. Don't cry.

150. Climb up to the rooftop at LSA Burger in Denton after filling up on a juicy burger and fries.

151. And get a snow cone from the gnome place because it's rare you come to Denton this often.

152. Read every bit of writing on Adair's Saloon walls and write down every quote you want to remember in your notes app.

153. Admire each origami bird, individually, hanging from the ceiling at AllGood Café. Do the same with each concert poster.

154. Have a tailgate party at Harvey B's.

155. Try to find Nemo at the Dallas Aquarium.

156. Do some bird-watching at Trinity River Audubon because you've moved on from ducks.

167. Their trails are open now, so go for a hike while you're up there.

168. Take a $29 online cooking class at Sur la Table at 4 p.m.

169. Then after 20 minutes, pull out the bong and celebrate, of course (just not on camera).

170. At 4:21, don't forget to get back to that cooking class.

171. Stare at this trippy image as the faces seem to multiply each time you look.

172. Look for more trippy art in Deep Ellum's murals and just knock yourself out.

173. Take a DNA test and discover where your stoner roots are from.

174. Write a 420 themed poem to share at that open mic we talked about a while back.

175. Go to the 4DWN Skatepark just to see what artist Drigo did with the place.

176. Photoshop yourself into famous moments in Dallas history.

177. Check out some record stores, especially 14 Records, and ask owner Bucks Burnett about his rock star stories. Then buy a record, asshole.

178. Hit up Wonderland Tropical pets for a four-legged, scaled or feathered companion. To clarify, this is a pet shop..
180. Go confess your sins to the Pope's head on display at Bucca di Peppo in Frisco.

181. And while you're there buy something from IKEA so you can entertain yourself for the rest of the year trying to follow the assembly instructions.

182. Send Sen. Ted Cruz a letter asking him for recommendations in Cancún.

183. Check out some indie bookstores, like Wild Detectives in Bishop Arts or Deep Vellum in Deep Ellum, and see who has the indie-est read.

184. Volunteer at the North Texas Food Bank because sharing those munchies wouldn’t hurt.

185. Buy a plant from Calloway’s Nursery and raise it like your own child.

186. Be careful not to mix up the water for your plant with your old bong water.

187. Make your bed, then unmake it by taking a four-minute nap.

188. Wake up and set your alarm for another 20 minutes.

189. Troll Gov. Greg Abbott and Sen. John Cornyn on Twitter with photos of your smoke-filled room to show you’re no amateur.

190. Go through Dallas Heritage Village and get a second or third or fourth high (we’ve lost count) from the history of the park.

191. Take your organics to the first 100% certified organic garden at Texas Discovery Gardens in Fair Park and fantasize about smoking those giant leaves.

192. Play the whole plot to The Lion King in your mind while staring at the lions outside the Crow Museum while trying to avoid falling in that fountain behind them.

193. Head to the International Museum of Cultures in Duncanville and strike up a conversation with those life-like figures. Tell them what Mark Twain told you earlier.

194. Believe it or not, but Ripley’s museum in Grand Prairie is made to enjoy when stoned out of your mind.

195. Have your mind blown as you forget for a moment that you’re not underwater — those sharks swimming overhead at SeaLife in Grapevine can’t hurt you.

196. Get your head beyond the clouds with some of University of Texas Arlington’s Planetarium virtual field trips and livestream events.

197. Instead of eating all your munchies on the grass, elevate your dining by bringing a tablecloth to a picnic table at Burger’s Lake in Fort Worth.

198. Imagine the ice is lava at the Galleria’s ice skating rink.

199. Rock climb on those Fruity Pebble-looking things at Canyons Rock Climbing Gym in Frisco. Don't try to pour milk on them.

200. Look up all the businesses with 420 addresses in Dallas and map them out.

21. Wait, this isn't right.

212. That's better. Nailed it.

213. Meditate at a class in Kalachandji's. Then order everything on the buffet and eat under the tree on their patio.

214. Go to the Cosmic Café and hyper-focus on every detail of the décor.

215. While you're in Oak Lawn, pretend you're in a fantasy novel at Dragon Park.

216. And get to the bottom of the mystery of how many sweets you can eat at Chocolate Secrets.

217. Walk through Swiss Avenue and actually read the plaques by the old homes. Find those people's graves. Go pay respect. Google other people's names on nearby gravestones.

218. Go to the British Emporium in Grapevine and buy candy that has a sophisticated English accent.

219. Spend all your money by seeing how far in Texas your Uber driver will take you.

220. Order a portrait of yourself with your pet from a Dallas artist. But instead of your pet, your bong.

221. Watch The Great British Bake-Off. You won't be mad at it even when you realize it's not about weed.

222. Assemble a Whirly Ball team. Play.

223. Visit a hidden gem museum, like the Museum of Geometric and MADI Art in Uptown.

224. Buy the weirdest thing you can find at Voodoo Chile. In the middle of the night.

225. Check out the “historic hands” collection at Baylor Hospital. Let them reach into your soul.

226. Do a grocery store tour and eat as many samples as you can.

227. Cool off at Epic Waters, the largest indoor waterpark in Texas.

228. Play putt-putt at Top Golf, but invent entirely new rules.

229. Go rollerblading at Fair Park.

230. Drive to Cooper Farms for some fresh peach ice cream.

231. Take an Uber to the Galaxy Drive-In in Ennis. Awkwardly watch a movie with your driver. Money well spent.

232. Spend a kitschy afternoon at Louis Tussaud’s Palace of Wax in Grand Prairie

233. Eat without a break at Delucca Pizza.

234. Go to the Benihana in North Dallas and stare at the koi pond until everything makes sense.

235. Use the cupcake ATM at Sprinkles in Preston Center.

236. Hear some jazz at Balcony Club and dance like no one's watching because no one wants to see that.

237. Tour the real-life Munster Mansion in Waxahachie

238. Buy something at Forestwood Antique Mall that reminds you of grandma's house.

239. Accept your fate as a Dallasite and finally tour Southfork Ranch.

240. Worship the sun at the Fraternal Order of Eagles.

241. Visit Covington’s, one of the largest nurseries in Texas.

242. Grow up and buy a toy at Froggie’s 5 & 10.

243. Visit an old school bowling alley like Plano Superbowl

244. Do a taste test to determine the best doughnut shop in the city.

245. Finally visit one of those Instagram art experiences, like Sweet Tooth Hotel, so you can get some "content."

500. Buy a sandwich from Jimmy’s Food Store and leave it somewhere, turning the rest of your day into a “Dude, Where’s my Sandwich?” style adventure.

358. Unpack and repack a Russian nesting doll as you watch Russian Doll on Netflix while espousing Rasputinesque spellcraft for the benefit of one.

359. Buy tons of bath salts and treat White Rock Lake as your personal salty bath. It is manmade after all.

360. Walk around White Rock lake until you get dizzy.

361. Make friends with the drivers next to you at that one stoplight that doesn't turn green, ever.

362. Walk to the Trinity River, close enough to see it but not smell it.

363. “Hey mister” Highland Park snobs into buying you a pizza.

364. Comparison-shop for cars you can't afford and won't be able to afford, ever.

365. Panic and do your taxes, thinking they're five days late because you forgot they pushed the deadline back.

366. Tell your stoner buds about your idea for a remake of the Big Lebowski starring Big Freedia.

367. A friend with weed is a friend indeed but your friend named Frank has COVID. Call Frank.

12,002. Hide your weed, forget where, then spend the rest of the day looking for it.

400. QUICK: What’s 7x9? If you got 53, smoke another bowl, you deserve it. Wait, is it 53? Oh, never mind. 63. Smoke one anyway.

401. Debate pupusas vs. tacos. A sandwich would be nice, too. Get all three.

402. Fake your own death, then make a comeback once you’ve realized no one noticed.

403. Sorry, what?

404. Call your old teachers and tell them you're stoned. They will totally be surprised.

405. Don't get stoned and think about your ex. You’re thinking about them now, aren’t you? Got ya.

406. Go to the laundromat and ask the person next to you where they got their underwear.

407. Almost there.

408. Throw a "Come draw my cat" party.

409. Find out if you have a cat.

410. Can't think of any more. Smoke for inspiration.

418. Wow, we did it.