There’s an undeniable charm in discovering a thoroughly trashed dive bathroom. Some are so bad it has to be a point of pride, even if it’s just to spread their infamy among Dallas boozehounds. With that in mind, we did the dirty work and compiled 10 of the worst men's bar bathrooms in the area. Considering we just released the women's edition
of this list, allow the men to briefly check their privilege by recognizing that even at the worst, we have it easier (shorter lines, being able to stand to use toilets, et cetera). But with any of these bar bathrooms (especially Club Dada), we have to take any solidarity we can. Godspeed.
10. OT Tavern
As one of the best bro bars in Dallas, it's fitting that OT Tavern's bathroom is an extension of that aesthetic. There's all variety of graffiti carved into bathroom stalls, from the tame "YoungBiebz" to the already dated "Damn Daniel, back at it again with the small dick." Add a hoard of sleeveless dude-bros and you'll be reconsidering your choice soon, at least until you get some loaded fries in your system.
9. The Goat
It's almost a requirement for a blues dive bar to have a haggard bathroom. The public pool tiling and interestingly placed mirror might just be enough to pull a blue classic out of any visitor. Worst of all, you'll be depriving yourself of the blues bands playing — unless it's karaoke night, in which case it might be in your favor to stay in the john.
8. Off the Record
Off the Record has a perfectly suitable bathroom for a record store. But on weekends, when it transforms into a dance club/bar, it’s a claustrophobic nightmare. You can only really blame Off the Record for being too popular, since their makeshift dance floor is equally cramped on any DJ night. Be prepared to huddle around 10 sweaty dudes as you wait for two urinals (assuming they're both working which, pro tip, they're not) without dividers in the back corner of the bar.
7. Prophet Bar
There are two trials you must endure to make it to the Prophet Bar bathroom. The first and arguably more difficult test is squeezing past the packed crowd at the front of the stage, which is even more tricky since the space was narrow to begin with. If you can survive that, the bar’s bathroom (shared with The Door) usually has several of those “mystery puddles” you try not to think about as you deftly step around them. For moshing and bathroom use alike, closed-toe shoes are highly recommended.
6. The Old Crow
As the poster child for the no-nonsense bar, The Old Crow's bathroom is sufficiently divey. It's adequately run-down, it's cramped, and with the door closed the stall is basically pitch black. It feels appropriate, since even a remotely decorated bathroom would feel inauthentic compared to the rest of the bar. At The Old Crow, there's no time for any fanciness like air hand dryers and painted walls — that would just make it another fake Lower Greenville bar, right?