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Crystal Clear

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A few years ago, we told you about Dallas' own Music Man, J. Jovan Philyaw ("Goodbye Kitty," June 6, 2001), the man behind the CueCat, Net Talk Live!, Tripledge Wipers and other testaments to his con-artistry. Now, Jovan has reinvented himself again--and this time, Buzz must say, he's really outdone himself, in the same entertainingly psycho way that Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf outdoes himself with each new press conference. ("There are no tanks. Oh, those tanks, the ones behind me? We have those tanks surrounded.")

Jovan is no longer Jovan. Now he's J. Hutton Pulitzer. Does Mr. Pulitzer have anything to do with the recently announced Pulitzer Prizes? No. What does Mr. Pulitzer do? Not sure. Read his Web site (www.jhuttonpulitzer.com) and see if you can figure it out. When D magazine tried to find out, mean ol' JHP just swore at the mag.

Buzz, however, is confident that there are two things we know for sure about JHP. First, we know that he's selling his crystals. What crystals, you ask? The ones that make up the "Pulitzer Collection" (www.pulitzercollection.com)--a.k.a., a coupla hunks of mineral that used to adorn his offices at Digital Convergence Corp., the company that brought you the CueCat and helped send its primary investor, The Dallas Morning News, into a PR nightmare.

The second thing we know about JHP is why he's selling these objects of "powerful spiritual significance," as he puts it. That's because even though, according to his Web site, the Pulitzer Collection "represents Gods' [sic] devine [double sic] communication of Himself and beauty to humanity," the Lord ain't been so good to Jovan's pocketbook lately. For example, Digital Convergence last year filed for Chapter 7 protection from creditors, meaning DCC's remaining assets could be liquidated to pay the bills.

Apparently shielded from that secular action were these magnificent crystals, which were created when "70 million years ago, God touched the earth," JHP notes. (Odd, since you'd think God would have done so when the earth was created some 4.6 billion years ago, but, hey, Buzz ain't no theologian.) If you would like to purchase the Pulitzer Collection--to channel its incredible huckster power, to ward off gargoyles, to simply use as a paperweight--you can do so on the Web site. Buzz opens the bidding at $37.5 million...oh, wait, that's how much CueCat cost the Morning News. Oh, dear. Now Buzz is confused. Panic. "Buzz has you surrounded!"

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