What Happens in Las Vegas ... Gets Re-Told in Dallas: My Top 10 Observer-ations

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Two of the sweetest words to any man's ears: Free. Upgrade. Thank you, US Airways.

9. For the life of me I can't figure out why casinos offer the game of War. It's the the most balanced, fair game in Vegas. It's high-card wins, with ties merely forcing the player to double the bet for another hand. Higher stakes, but no change to the odds. There's no green spaces like Roulette. No juice on winning hands like Baccarat. No hidden hole cards like Blackjack. It's basically a coin flip. Zero strategy, 100-percent luck and the fastest, easiest way to win money in Sin City. If you can find a War table, play it. You'll like it.

8. The day before heading out I went to a pool party and somehow dropped a $50 bottle of Patron tequila on my buddy's garage floor. How strong is it? Literally ate away the protective coating seal off his garage floor. Imagine what it does to our stomach.

7. As for futures sports bets at MGM, the Rangers to win the World Series stood at 14-1, the Cowboys to win Super Bowl XLVI at 18-1 and the Mavs to win the 2012 NBA Finals at 8-1.

6. Nothing like walking out of a strip club with a girlfriend, two new friends and being greeted by ... sunrise.

5. I didn't get a laptop stolen or throw up in front of Bally's this time, but I did see something I thought wasn't possible: Buddy of mine actually got thrown out of O'Shea's. It's like a college-ish hangout with cheap tables in the front and beer pong in the back, but if you walk through the pit boss area -- twice -- you're history.

4. Like I seemingly always do, I almost went to a show and almost took a helicopter tour to the Grand Canyon. Maybe next time.

3. Best night club was PURE inside Caesars Palace. Be prepared to stand in line to get in past 1 a.m., pay $15 for a Red Bull-'n-Vodka and to dance over and over to LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem".

2. Thanks to a hook-up from Fox 4's Fiona Gorostiza via Chris Trillo at Angel Management, our party spent three consecutive days lounging in poolside cabanas at three different hot spots. Venus at Caesars Palace is the most luxurious while Bare at The Mirage is the most daring. Both allow European sunbathing -- i.e., topless -- and Bare features a hot tub with transparent walls that cater to both exhibitionists and voyeurs. The biggest, most fun pool is the MGM's Wet Republic. Two sprawling pools, live DJ on a stage, non-stop dancing and patrons who apparently stepped right off the cover of Men's Fitness. Out of fear of drugs, you can't take as much as a piece of fruit or a stick of gum into these private pools. You can, however, see countless hot chicks in their trendy bandeau bikini tops while buying pitchers of Mojitos for a cool $85 a pop. That's right, eighty-five.

1. I knew was in Las Vegas when I went 24 hours between meals but never more than 24 minutes between drinks.

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